I recently returned from solo travelling in Australia for 2 months. I absolutely loved every minute of it and it really boosted my confidence. I was always such a homebird and it was really a leap out of my comfort zone.
I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years, since we were both 17. He is kind, generous, loyal, and I can tell that he genuinely loves and cares about me a huge amount. However, there are also aspects of our relationship that make me unhappy. I feel that we cannot really have vulnerable conversations where I express what I’m dissatisfied with in a constructive way. When we do this, he gets angry or frustrated. This has resulted in him calling me names in the past.
He also seems to harbour resentment towards me over past mistakes. We have been together since we were both very young (17) so inevitably we both have made mistakes along the way as this is the first relationship either of us has been in. But this resentment can manifest itself in him being very angry towards me when drunk for example. There have been quite a few incidents when he’s been drunk where he will act completely irrationally and his resentment towards me will come out. For example, he has called me a whre, to KMS, fck off, that I would have no one without him, cursing at me etc. It just seems to come out of nowhere which concerns me because it makes me think he is very unhappy in the relationship. Afterwards, he will be extremely apologetic and will show genuine remorse. But it still happens again.
I know this is hard to believe with the information I’m providing, but he is not a bad person. He feels a lot of shame after he acts like this, and he has lovely qualities. He has always had a lot of difficulty regulating his emotions. And it’s not an excuse. He is still responsible for his behaviour but I don’t think he is inherently a bad person. Which is what makes it difficult. But despite me expressing many many times how his behaviour makes me feel uncomfortable, there is no consistent change. Sometimes he’s not even aware of it being an issue which is almost more concerning.
But basically, I want to live abroad in Australia for a year. He was very upset when I told him this. I asked him to join me multiple times. He says it’s just not something he wants to do. This lead to us breaking up because I felt we wanted different things in life. He says the he will never stop loving me, and that he is ‘incredibly depressed’ that we broke up, and that he will never meet someone like me and how special I am. What confuses me is that he was not even open to compromise. I know he doesn’t want to hold me back from doing what makes me happy, and I appreciate Australia isn’t what will make him happy. It is a big thing to move to the other side of the world and I can’t expect him to do this if it’s not for him. But at the same time, when I suggested that we compromise, he was not open to this.
Even if he did move to Australia with me, we would want to do different things. He dislikes most of my friends, so we would be drawn to different people. I would like to go to late bars and dance, he hates dancing and to be honest when he’s drunk he can be mean to me.
But he is extremely loyal and I fear I won’t find this again. That is something I really value in a relationship. He makes me feel like I am the only girl for him.
Since we broke up, I don’t feel as sad as I thought I would. I think I may have started grieving the end of the relationship a long time ago. It was a mutual decision, but I feel very guilty that he is so heartbroken and I worry I will regret it. He was extremely sweet during our break up, and supportive of my dreams and it reminded me why I fell in love with him.
TLDR: Boyfriend (25M) of 8 years and I (25F) broke up because I want to travel and he doesn’t, and I fear I will regret it
My fear is that I will never meet someone as loyal as him and that I will regret losing him.
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* This article was originally published here
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