I (30,F) really like this guy (39,M) I met online but know I should not be subjecting myself to this world of chaos. We have been dating for about a year give or take.
He’s 39, has two children, and lives at home with his aging parents. In addition, the mother of his children is living with them as well, along with the two children. She isn’t a citizen of the country and doesn’t work so he feels obligated to support her for the sake of the children. According to him, she’s disrespectful, lazy and unappreciative to him and his family. He says their relationship has been over for a while, that he is not attracted to her and does not want a relationship with her. They are not together and both date other people.
Due to the fact that she is not a citizen, he’s in the process of legally sponsoring her, to ensure she can remain in their children’s lives, as they have autism and have grown very attached to their mother. The mother of his children does have family in the country but he says he does not want her living with them and risk having his children growing up in a bad neighborhood considering she’d have the children full-time while he works.
I really do like him, but know and understand I’m getting the really short end of the stick and this probably isn’t going to work out long-term. I can’t go over his house, won’t be able to get married or have children of my own with him. It absolutely sucks, because when we’re together, we have such a great time and spend so much time laughing with one another. But ultimately the cons outweigh the pros. I should also mention he’s been to jail in his earlier days and works, but money is always tight. Him having a criminal record does not make it easy for him to secure a job that pays more, which means I’m always paying for things. It doesn’t really bother me only because I’ve never been with a man who has or could provide for me, so I’m used to spending a lot money while dating.
Truthfully, a part of me thinks I may like him out of desperation and loneliness (I’ve been dating for a while with no success) but also has genuine interest in him, enjoys spending time with him and remains hopeful, stupidly. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but I don’t know. It’s probably in my best interest to remain friends and seek to date other people. I just feel a little stuck. Please don’t be mean to me. I’m obviously a little delusional and wear my heart on my sleeve lol.
For some reason, I equate sponsoring her with marrying her in my mind, because he’d be legally responsible for her for 10 years according to his lawyer. I even told him he might as well marry her.
TL;DR : The guy I like, is legally sponsoring the mother of his children but says he loves and wants to be with me.
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