I went out with a group of friends (and my boyfriend) for an event, afterwards we went to hang out more and get drinks. I had multiple events to go to and didn’t have dinner because they were hosted from 6-10 and none of them had food.
As a result, I was on a pretty empty stomach but felt comfortable because I was with my boyfriend and my friends. I didn’t realize I’d had as much to drink as I did, as we were moving around from place to place, and I got a bit drunk (as did most of my friends). My boyfriend got upset that I said I could drive home, so he stormed off and left me in the parking garage, so I had no choice but to drive myself home anyway.
I called him four times to let him know I was home and he ignored all of my calls. The next morning he still hadn’t reached out to even check on me, so I called him and he berated me, shamed me, scolded me and completely made me feel like a terrible human for getting drunk and driving myself home after he left me. He said he shouldn’t have to be responsible for me if I get drunk.
I felt confused, not because of his statement about drunk driving, but about the fact that he was scolding me for getting drunk while actively doing nothing to help me get home safe. He talked about how he has a friend who was seriously impacted by drunk driving, and I was acting like a child.
Yes, I was drunk, but not black out drunk to the point of having zero recollection of the night, he had also been drinking too and so had my friends. We were all a bit drunk by the end of the night.
I’m not upset about him pointing out drinking and driving, I’m not arguing that and I made a mistake. But I AM concerned about the fact that while he shamed me for driving drunk, he did nothing to ensure that I didn’t have to drive or that I even got home safe. He has since said that he doesn’t believe in me feeling comfortable enough with him to get drunk because it means that he is “expected” to make sure I’m okay, which is an unfair expectation of him.
I know that I am responsible for myself, but truly, I work so hard, rarely go out with friends (this was the first time I’d seen them in months), I’m not drinking everyday nor do I even get drunk every time I DO go out. He said he has had a problem with my drinking for a while and that I disrespected him by not accepting his offer to drive me home the first time and that he should not have to spend five minutes convincing a drunk person to accept a ride home and that other drunk people would have just said “okay, thank you for driving me.”
Though I can hear where he’s coming from, I feel that I am being punished for not immediately accepting his ride. If I was as drunk as he says I was, why was he expecting me to have sober decision making capabilities and WHY did he leave me alone in the middle of downtown and force me to get myself home and then not even check to make sure I was okay. I don’t need a babysitter, but I had one night of fun and felt comfortable to do so and part of that is because I thought my boyfriend would care about me enough to just make sure I was good, should anything happen, I would expect that if I were sober as well. Am I overthinking?
And side note, I am not making excuses for getting drunk and I do understand the severity of drunk driving. And if the roles were reversed, I don’t care if he said “no” to a ride home, I would have taken his keys and drove him home or gotten an Uber if I really felt like he was too inebriated to drive. I’m shocked that he doesn’t believe he should be expected to do that for me and also shocked that he has now completely bashed my character for issues that he has also never taken the time to communicate he even had with me. He said this was the third strike, but I was never updated on the first two strikes! I’m shocked and unsure of if I can actually depend on my boyfriend.
TL: dr my boyfriend left me downtown while I was drunk, after a night of hanging out with friends. He said I was stupid to drive home and should have accepted his ride and that it is not his responsibility to make sure I’m okay just because I had too much to drink
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* This article was originally published here
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