Hello,
Recently my girlfriend decided to break up with me, after I had threatened with a breakup for countless times, and she said that I'm the sweetest person ever, and that if we both go to therapy and work on ourselves that she'd be willing to reconnect.
I've started journaling and I took my time and wrote all of the bad things (HABITS) I have had - this was repeated behavior, not something I had done once, and I think that I were to do that if we continued dating, thus I want to learn how to fix those things in order to continue dating, or reconnect (which I'd love, but seems very unlikely).
My main takeaways:
-Whenever I felt ignored, I'd start a fight, threaten with a breakup, or try to ruin her day - because she ruined mine
-I found out that I have anxious attachment style. I had a hard time being separated from her and I was constantly overthinking everything. Leading to me being very needy, and not giving her breathing room ; I was bothering her while she was out with her friends, family, when she was on vacation etc.
-Excessive Jealousy - Whenever she'd go out with male friends, even though they were gay, I had suspicion and I disliked them for being the opposite gender.
-Hard time trusting her ; She never did something to upset my trust, but I just had a hard time because I know she's very attractive and assume she gets hit on when she goes out.
- I was lying so I could get more attention - whenever she didn't feel like going out I'd lie about being sick or feeling unwell so she would come and caress me.
-I wanted to be visibly upset so she could give me attention whenever she did something I disliked.
-Took her for granted after some time. We dated for a little more than a year and after some time, I took her for granted. I stopped making her bouquets, stopped writing her little notes, stopped giving her my origami flowers and in general, stopped surprising her.
How do I treat all of this? I want to become a decent human being and I don't want to hurt my partners. I sincerely want to work on myself and I hope you take this with little judgement as I have a hard time admitting this.
Note: I have started going to therapy recently. I go there every two weeks as it's free and I only have sessions that last about 30 minutes. Although it helps, I'd love to speed up the process. I'd love to hear advice from you guys. Thanks in advance.
tl;dr : After over a year of dating, my girlfriend and I split. I made many mistakes, formed bad habits, and need advice on how to get rid of them. I want to become a better person.
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