Hi Reddit, This is a bit of an extended case, so I'll try as best I can to summarise. I started dating T about four months ago, whereupon he said he admired etc etc. We've had some real ups and downs in the relationship, but I do fundamentally like him a lot, due to his intelligence and humour. Note: he has quite severe social anxiety. The issue is, is that everything we based a good relationship on is crumbling. Our metric used to be; 1)Intellectual conversation, 2)Sexual stuff and 3) Affection.
Now, we are long distance (a few hours) and so the sexual stuff was conducted over phone; pictures and words, not to be too descriptive. He was always pleasured by the descriptions and I enjoyed them well enough as well. However, it was ALWAYS me who initiated them. We met up the other night on one of our meetings and things got a little heated. I basically climbed on top of him (asking the full way, of course) and things went from there. We didn't do the act, but I serviced him. He partook a little bit.
He's been distant these past few days and I checked in with him, to make sure he felt okay about it. His reply made me a little depressed. He said he "enjoyed it in the moment " but that he was "whoah" about it afterwards. He claims he just isn't a sexual person- a low libido. This is upsetting, as I was under the assumption it was something he wanted to do, ESPECIALLY from the descriptions, where he always took a very dominant role. So to hear it was just eh to him was upsetting.
He is sexually inexperienced though and admitted porn wrecked him a lot. I offered solutions for the next time, but honestly he doesn't seem that keen to want to do it. I feel I was sold a false premise to be honest. I'm not not hugely sexual person, but you need to understand the level of lewd humour/fixations this man has. He said he'll tell me when he's ready to escalate it again- but it won't happen, I know it won't. I wouldn't have minded the low libido, if I had known beforehand. Also, in addition to the sexual side being eroded, he is a LOT less affectionate than he used to be. Most of our conversations are just discussions on world events or banter now. I don't mind those things, but I really miss the affection. He used to send me these lovely voicenotes and give me these most warm compliments. Now if I want one, I literally have to prompt.
I think I am a little insecure as a person, but honestly the lack of being 'wanted' is driving me mad. I'm an intelligent and not bad looking person, yet I have to dig for this man to take heed of me. I want to bring it up, but we keep having these conversations and he always says he's just 'inexperienced'. He has some emotional issues for sure.
Honestly, I just have to wonder; is it worth it to wait around for a man who doesn't even want to hold your hand? Who will describe a future together, but can't even bring himself to kiss me. Who won't even be kind to me now, even in the absence of the sexual component. College begins soon, and I wonder if it's worth trying to start afresh and find someone who isn't afraid to show how much they care- who always iniates contact. Any advice is appreciated. Tdlr; Boyfriend has issues with expressing physical intimacy, but he has also stopped general affection as well.
[link] [comments]
* This article was originally published here
No comments:
Post a Comment