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Tuesday, August 29, 2023

Academia relationships

I've been following some threads on reddit regarding couples in academia, with one or both parties being post docs who constantly have to travel internationally between positions (especially in science fields but I've seen it in other fields as well).

I'm in one such relationship myself so I really would like to hear from people who are in the same boat. Like how do you manage the uncertainty this career path brings, like potential prolonged periods of LD and no clear future time or place to settle?

Is it very difficult to stay in one place as a post doc if your goal is to stay in academia? And is becoming tenured really the only option for stability? What does the road look like for such a relationship if the struggle for tenure means enduring uncertainty sometimes lasting into 10+ years?

To give some background, my (29F) bf (33M) is a post doc in nuclear physics, I'm a high school science teacher. Together 5 years, LDR for 4. Each research post takes him to a different place internationally and we dunno how long it will remain this way. We have discussed him entering industry and leaving academia, but he finds that idea saddening... He really has a "pure scientist's spirit" if that makes sense, I admire him for it. And I will never ask him to abandon his dreams, I love the nature of his job too. He similarly supports my career as a teacher and encourages me to go for further education on that even though that means I have to stay put for a few more years.

TL;DR I'm here asking for some insight into academia relationships. Like how to consolidate between the need for stability in relationships and the uncertainties that often come with post doc positions, like moving around internationally while trying to get tenured. Long distance etc. What does that road look like for you and your SO?

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* This article was originally published here

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