Hello everyone,
My original post got taken down due to the edit I added so I attached it here! The link in the comments is to the post and it has some comments that are relevant to the situation if you’re interested or you can find the original post from my profile. I’m reposting this because the advice I got so far has really been helpful in navigating this situation and I’ll share some of the comments with my boyfriend which will help us navigate the situation.
ORIGINAL POST: Hi everyone I’m looking for some advice. My boyfriend and I had something traumatic happen and I’m unsure what to make of it. We’re both in our early 20s, I’m 22 he’s 23, and are high school sweethearts (we’ve been together for 5 years).
The other night we were hanging out, we grabbed food and talked. We began to fool around and I told him I didn’t want to “do it” that night but was okay to keep doing other things. Normally when this happens we either stop before we reach that point of doing “it” or I change my mind because I feel into it, but he always makes sure it’s what I want before it happens. I think as the foreplay continues I become more receptive and turned on which is why I change my mind.
During this instance I did say I wanted to in between during foreplay and when he asked if I was sure I said no and this happened a couple of times (yes I went back and forth during our foreplay which was an hour long). After a few times of this happening the next time it did he told me to grab protection and I said “I don’t want to”, I’m not sure if he thought I meant I don’t want to use protection or if he understood that I didn’t want to “do it”. He ended up doing it anyways and I fell into a state of shock and completely froze. His face was in my shoulder so he didn’t see my face. I didn’t say anything except “whats going on”, I’m not sure if he heard me say it because I didn’t get a response. The actual act was pretty quick( probably under a minute) and when he got up he saw my face and realized I looked upset and hurt and began to ask if I was okay and I told him I didn’t want to do that. He immediately apologized and looked genuinely horrified over it. I think I was still in shock so I just asked to go home, he told me he wanted me to stay but would take me home.
It’s been a few days and he’s apologized more times than I can count and brought my favorite foods and flowers to apologize. I asked him to not touch me since I still haven’t fully processed what happened and he respected my boundaries completely.
He genuinely seems remorseful and wants to make things work but I don’t know how to process this. I’m looking for advice on how to proceed from here. Is this something we can get over?
Other than this our relationship and sex life is great. We were both virgins when we met and lost our virginity to each other and have only ever been with each other. We’re very serious about our relationship and are talking about marriage soon. We’re also very integrated with each others family.
EDIT: after reading a lot of comments and thinking about our sexual encounters it may be more of a kink for me to tease him and almost edge him and then he gets to dominate. It’s both of our first times being sexual with a partner so I’ve never realized it’s a kink and I doubt he did either. Some of the things I’ve decided to discuss with him are safe words and talking out how this was a miscommunication. I’ll keep replying to comments as I can!
TLDR: my boyfriend had sex with me non consensually and I’m unsure how to proceed
[link] [comments]
* This article was originally published here
No comments:
Post a Comment