TW: Suicide attempts/threats
Please tell me whether this is the right place or not, as it is my first time posting on Reddit. This might be kinda long.
I met my bf at work last year, we have been together for about 7 months. We still work together. At first it was -obviously- really nice, but when he moved in with me (my fault for making things go too fast..) I started noticing that he was very jealous, and kinda controlling: checking when I am online, asking who I am talking to, thinking that I'm either cheating or that I don't love him anymore when I go out with friends - mostly girls... Because he doesn't plan anything on his side while I'm encouraging him as much as I can to do so. Anyway, going out leads to resentment because it feels I'm not as interested as I used to be. Noting that going out for me equals coffee or board games with friends... Not like I'm going to the club or anything.
Turns out he has a history of being cheated on and lied to, which explains his behavior.
This weekend, it went down again when I went to a restaurant with a friend that I hadn't seen since college. As we talked I showed her pictures on Instagram, WhatsApp... And my boyfriend thought that I was voluntarily ignoring him and not answering his messages, so he got mad, to the point of saying it was over, that he would leave...
I decided to stand my ground and enjoy my afternoon with my friend, which didn't make things better as I was only supposed to eat with her, but she offered to go for a walk in town so I told my boyfriend I would get home a bit later. He accused me of making him wait for nothing, but I told him I'd never given a specific hour of me coming home, as I had never told him either to wait for me and do nothing.
The afternoon went by, we fought a bit more and he said he didn't want to leave me or he would end his life.
I take this very seriously since I have made 2 suicide attempts in the past 12 months, the most recent being in April while I was with him. I have been under medical treatment and followed by a psychiatrist for about 2 years with Xeroquel to help with self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
So I got home and found him asleep, he slept for about 5 hours and as he woke up he told me that he had taken 2 of my pills. Which worried me even more since this is the medicine I used in both of my attempts and it can get pretty nasty even when you're just changing your daily dose. I tried to sleep on the couch as it was past midnight and I didn't want to talk, but he insisted that we should talk. I tried then to get out and go to my father's, saying we should talk about it the day after. He stayed in front of the door saying I was tired and I needed to sleep and he wouldn't let me go so late.
I was kinda angry but he reminded me that in an older argument I pretty much did the same in the living room. Guess we are both lost causes on this?
Anyway, he let me out at one point but kept following me in the hallway and the stairs, and the only time he finally let me go, he said that the only thing he had to do was kill himself. I did make a suicide attempt while I was with him but I never used this as a threat to get my way.
Once again I got back home.
Since then, I've insisted that he gets medical help which he is about to get (he has an appointment on Thursday), but he has been really sad despite my efforts to do everything "as usual" (taking care of him, doing chores, cuddling, watching TV, planning activities for the weekend).
Today I learned that what was the most painful to him was that I felt distant, because we hadn't been intimate since Saturday morning. I did try to turn him down gently on Monday because I was feeling tired, and us being all sad during the day and not knowing how to interact with each other didn't help.
I start to wonder if this isn't unconscious manipulative behavior and how I should react, knowing that I don't want to leave alone someone who needs help and who feels so down.
I believe I do also have some unhealthy behaviors, which I'm aware of and trying to change, but I don't think I go that far, or maybe I'm not being objective enough.
Tl;dr:
My bf is very jealous and possessive due to difficult past relationships, possibly depressed as he threatened suicide twice when we were talking about either breaking up or just sleeping apart for one night. He has been very sad and kept talking very negatively about himself since, especially after I turned him down for being intimate due to our current situation. He is supposed to get medical help soon, I am being followed by a psychiatrist myself.
Thanks a lot.
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* This article was originally published here
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