Feeling not enough for my boyfriend

Disclaimer: not fluent in english

I’m a 22yo girl and I have been in a relationship for 2 years now. In the beggining of the relationship, me and my boyfriend (26M) had a really hard time because he used to follow “”models”” on ig and like their pictures. After we had many, many fights over this, he finally realized i would not stay in the relationship unless he stopped. And he did.

He has been really committed and has not liked one single picture or followed a single girl since that incident.

However, that really broke my image of him. 1 year later, I still constantly think about the way he made me feel when he liked other girl’s pictures. Feeling not good enough, feeling betrayed, feeling like, if he had a shot with them, he would take it.

Also that made me really insecure (which I wasnt before). I know it’s not right, but now i check his phone often in search of evidence of him lusting for other women. I’m not even talking about DMs or texts; i’m beyond that. I go to the search bar and type 1 letter (e.g: “S”) and wait to see what it suggests. It is usually a “”model””. And that’s how i know he went to their page. And that makes me feel terrible.

I swear I wasn’t that “crazy” or insecure before. But I don’t understand why he feels like he has to look at other woman. I’m young, i work out a lot, i’m in medschool, I satisfy him in bed. Why is it not enough?

“Just break up with him OP” i would, but i think every man does this. Am I wrong?

TLDR: i can’t get over the fact my boyfriend goes to other girls pages to lust for them while i sit around like im stupid

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* This article was originally published here