The title is a bit dramatic, it is more complicated than that sounds. So I (20F) have lived with my friend 'Dan' (20M) since the start of this year, we have been friends since university started three years ago.
Before living together, we spoke about noise at night and how Dan did not appreciate how his old roommate used to make noodles at 2am before his lectures, and I of course said that I would have no issues with not doing that. Since moving in together, Dan has had issues with me not being quiet when brushing my teeth at 2am. So I started tiptoeing and quietly opening and closing the bathroom door. We have a third roommate (21F) who is also friends with both of us, none of this is a problem for her as she is a deep-ish sleeper.
My only issue is that recently, Dan has been saying that he does not want me to leave my room for any reason at all after midnight. He has stated that due to his (very much legitimate) childhood trauma he does not get woken up by the loud noises outside (we live in the city), but will get woken up by my very quiet footsteps.
I have been trying my absolute best to brush my teeth earlier and not have any reason to leave my room after midnight, despite my usual bedtime being 2am. I would of course change my bedtime or just remember to brush my teeth earlier (and often do), but it is extremely difficult for me due to my (recently diagnosed, yet to be medicated) ADHD. The ADHD means that I often don't remember to brush my teeth earlier and I can't go to bed earlier as I can't study without the pressure of it being late at night.
I have suggested many times that he uses a white noise machine, earplugs, or sees a doctor. He hasn't looked into if a white noise machine would work, does not want to be using earplugs every night because he doesn't want to rely on them, and he claims that because it is due to trauma he needs to see a therapist instead of a doctor (but has not put the effort in to seeing a therapist).
For more context, also due to his childhood trauma, my friend has been improving but is generally not great at roommate things (ie doing dishes, cleaning things). I of course understand how this stuff can be hard (because of my ADHD), but it feels more difficult for me to try really hard to change my routines around if he can't do things like take the bins out. Dan has also recently been in the living room at 1am, has an ensuite, and has a similar bedtime to me except when he has to wake up at 7am for work.
'Dan' if you're seeing this hey whats up I want to know if random internet people have any ideas what we can do
TLDR: I don't know how to compromise with my roommate/friend who can't deal with me brushing my teeth after midnight when there isn't really any way for me to never go outside my room at night (mostly because of my ADHD).
[link] [comments]
* This article was originally published here
No comments:
Post a Comment