TL;DR: I am making this post to assess whether I should even try to ask her out. Some might say I lack confidence or "the worst she can say is no," but I'm worried about the friendship we have if she says no. I do not want to be friendzoned, so I'm wondering if I should just stay in the friendzone.
I am a junior in high school (I was held back in Kindergarten b/c of my autism) and she is a senior. We've been friends for about 5 months now and I have acquired feelings for her. I think she's smart, kind, funny, and very beautiful. We've been texting with varying degrees of frequency, but when she does text me she seems engaged and entertained. She often laughs at the humorous things I say or do so that gives me some hope. Her intelligence stands out to me. The number one thing that attracts me to a girl is intelligence. I just see a "light bulb over their head". She is someone who I can engage in political/moral conversation with and not lose their temper. I don't know for sure but she seems like the type to disapprove of casual/rash sexual behavior. She has never had a boyfriend (she's straight) and she is a virgin. This is important to me because I'm a Christian and I don't believe in premarital sex, and I think she would respect that based on the conversations I've had with her. I think a lot of her morals align with mine and I think she's intelligent enough to understand where our differences come from. I was also able to compliment her hair without getting an awkward response.
Here is what makes me lose confidence. Firstly, she hasn't been texting me recently. I told her about my spring break but she never got it because she closed the DM's. That hurt my feelings quite a bit. She also stopped sitting beside me in class. It was so weird. Maybe it was to get closer to her friend but when the teacher moved the tables around, she stopped sitting next to me. She also never mentions me among her friends. She has told her parents about me and she does consider me outside of school but I am definitely not one of her close friends. She's black and I'm white. Although she doesn't seem like the type to be into white men, I think she's incredibly beautiful. I mean, REALLY beautiful. She told me she doesn't even wear makeup and I couldn't believe it. I love the way she does the braids in her hair and I like how she dresses. I have had a struggle with terrible acne my whole life and it shows up more apparently because of my complexion. I am definitely not the best-looking guy. I've never asked for ratings but if I were to rate myself it would be a 2.5/10. Another thing is that I don't see ambition in her. The second thing that attracts me to girls is ambition; the drive to get work done; a sense of duty to the world. She is very present-minded and just wants to "get by." This is unattractive and concerning for me. I have some huge goals in my life (I want to change the world for good) but I don't know if she would be supportive. I already asked her if she wanted to join a friend club I made (it's NOT a fraternity) where me and my friends hang out, but also start businesses to raise money so we can do community projects and help the poor. She said no, and laughed at the idea. She didn't say "good idea" or "that's great" or anything along those lines like I hoped she would. I started talking about it in class again and she laughed. I completely understood why she said no. It's a big time investment for her, especially considering she works and doesn't fully understand the club. However, I would have liked a little more respect. I have also taken some sort of a vow of poverty. I am a firm believer that material things aren't givers of happiness, but rather your fulfillment in life upon achieving your goals and the joy of shared experiences with friends, family, and partners. I doubt that she would like that. I couldn't give you evidence beyond the fact that she spent $25 on a small vial of lip gloss. I think that's enough said. Finally, the biggest thing, we're going to different colleges. I don't think there's much more to be said here. Is it really worth my time? One of my friends said yes, the other said no, and the last one was neutral. I need your help.
I kindly request that you be nice to me because I was flamed/bullied off of my other Reddit account for posting on here because I knew nothing about dating.
Btw: My autism was more apparent in my childhood, but it is not major and it doesn't negatively affect how I interact with people. No one knows I have autism until I tell them. I never make my autism an excuse for anything, I always say I have to do the best with what I have and not complain. Also, please do not make fun of my Christian or traditional beliefs like others have. I know they are uncommon and "uncool" now, but I haven't judged anyone for thinking otherwise.
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* This article was originally published here
