Covid pandemic made me realise life's fragility, I want to nurture relationships: Aamir Khan Deccan Herald
* This article was originally published here
Monday, March 14, 2022
Sunday, March 13, 2022
My mum has developed learned helplessness. Advice please?
Hello all, I'm a 30f who has to run to my mum's (57) aid constantly. I am an only child.
If you peek at my history you'll see we have a turbulent relationship but mostly okay now. She is currently going through a divorce with my dad and I am dealing with most of it. I've found since trying to get information from her for lawyers that she has buried her head in the sand all her life basically.
Recently between helping me plan a wedding and her getting a divorce she can't cope with anything. She messaged me today saying she was freaking our because she thinks her roof has leaked (no major damage but obviously a cause for concern). She was saying how this'll cost her thousands and she doesn't know how to cope. I told her she had home insurance (that I helped her set up even) so to look at her policy.
She had no idea where her policy was. I reminded her it's a website and all online and we even wrote down her password in a book to remember. She eventually got onto the website but then didn't read it, instead sending me screenshots asking me if I think it covered what she was asking for, it did.
She then told me she is going to call some local person to look at it. I told her no call her insurance first as they may have companies/traders they deal with. My fiance stepped in at this point and called her to tell her what to do.
He called her and she was nearly in tears, asking a number of questions like "Can I send you a photo so you can tell me what to do?" [No, I won't know what I'm looking at, I'm neither a plumber nor a roofer], "Should I phone a repair company?" [No, phone your insurance company first], "How can I phone my insurance if I work all the time (i.e. 30 hours a week)" [They have 24/7 contact numbers for emergencies], "What if they ask me a question and I don't know how to answer?" [The most they'll ask you is for your policy number so they can look up your details], "What if they ask me a question about my policy? I don't understand it!", [Why would they ask you anything like that? It's their policy, they'll have all the info they need]. She gradually broke down in to more tears before saying "I'll just say bye and hang up!!" and hung up on him.
I know she'll have been wanting me to come to the rescue, but I am already dealing with my wedding, her divorce (I'm the main contact for that) and also having to sell my house so she can keep hers.
Earlier last year I cracked and got myself into therapy, which helped me massively. My mum does not know about it because she is dead fast against it, believing people don't need to know her problems (but will gladly dump every stress or problem onto me) and thinks it doesn't work. I've even told her I'll give her the books I have that were therapy recommended and she'll flat out say she won't read them.
I am at an absolute loss, I feel I am looking after a child. I know this is all just one instance, but stuff like this is becoming increasingly the norm.
If people have any advice I would massively appreciate it.
Thank you
Tl;dr My mum dumps all her problems onto me and expects me to fix it all.
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, March 12, 2022
Artist's Comics Find The Humor In The Ups And Downs Of Motherhood
"Humor won’t take the hard stuff away, but it can make living through it a bit more bearable," said Gina McMillen, a cartoonist and mom of two.
* This article was originally published here
Friday, March 11, 2022
Thursday, March 10, 2022
Signs Of A Toxic Workplace You Can Spot Before You Apply For A Job
A little research on these key factors may reveal some red flags.
* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, March 9, 2022
‘We’re having way better sex than our kids!’ The seventysomethings hitting their kinky, blissed-out peak
What do you get when you combine decades of experience and endless time to experiment? The best sex of your life
Waving a bright pink vibrator, Sylvia worries about one of her neighbours walking past the window. She is 81, and she and her husband, Paul, who is 73, started to use sex toys about 10 years ago, mainly because Sylvia needed a bit more stimulation to become aroused. The pink vibrator is new. “I haven’t really, to coin a phrase, got to grips with it,” she says, laughing. We speak one evening over Zoom, Sylvia and Paul sitting close together in their living room. They have been married for 32 years, and sex has remained important to them. Paul stresses that he prefers to call it “making love”. “We don’t do ‘sex’ – sex is purely physical – we are genuinely sharing our love for each other,” he says. The first time they made love, he says, “it was a remarkably intense physical and emotional experience.”
Sylvia rolls her eyes: “He’s much more romantic than I am.” She has always, she says, “had a very lively libido”. They used to have sex most days, but Sylvia is still feeling the effects of Covid, so it’s down to every 10 days or so. She has, she says, “an arthritic knee, which is a bit of a nuisance”, and arthritis in her wrists can make some previous positions harder. “I think it’s been well over a year since you were on top of me, and it’s a position we both like,” says Paul to Sylvia. “That’s the age impact,” she says. But both agree that their connection, their intimacy, is deeper now. “Over 30-odd years, we’ve learned what works, what doesn’t,” says Paul. “We have a real sense of intimacy.”
Continue reading...* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, March 8, 2022
I (23F) am not sure I want to be with my boyfriend (20M) but I am afraid of dumping him.
Throwaway account just to be safe.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. He's a very sweet guy and I like him a lot, but there are some issues at hand.
I'm his first in basically everything. First serious relationship, first kiss, etc., and while that was all endearing to begin with, I can't help but feel like I've trapped myself in something now. I'm a very independent person after going through a lot of struggles in my life alone, and how often he wants to be with me is almost suffocating at times. I feel bad telling him no, but I just don't want to see him all the time, especially when it feels like he's almost constantly asking. Also, I have some PTSD due to my childhood life, and he has some anger issues that don't exactly make me feel comfortable. He gets decently angry over small things, especially video games, and it changes the entire mood of having fun and playing around when he gets like this.
I've tried to bring things like this up, but he really doesn't respond well to confrontation and almost shuts down. It feels like there's a way bigger age gap between us a lot of times, and it makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells with a guy in high school while I'm a grown woman.
I know the best thing is to probably break up with him if he's making me feel like this, but I am genuinely scared of the backlash if I decide to do so. As I said, I'm his first, and I don't want to be that person, but I really don't feel happy anymore.
What should I do? Should I just bite the bullet and break up? Or should I risk making things awkward by bringing these things up again and trying to fix the relationship?
TL;DR: I feel trapped in my relationship but I'm terrified of being the one to cut it off.
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* This article was originally published here
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