Phones and relationships - the fine line between trust... Daily Maverick
* This article was originally published here
Thursday, June 30, 2022
Wednesday, June 29, 2022
Me (32f) and husband(32m) going through a divorce
Met my soon to be ex-husband 4 years ago. We dated briefly and he broke up with me, saying we're not compatible. I was falling for him so I was really sad, but then things became complicated. Shortly after the breakup I found out I was pregnant, I let him know through his sister because he was not answering my calls, well, long story short, he came to me with a big bouquet of flowers, he said he was sorry about the breakup and that he wants us to try again. We moved in together, he proposed to me about 6-7 months after getting back together. Our son was born prematurely at 32 weeks pregnancy, emergency C-section because I developed preeclampsia. During this time then fiance was the best really. He was very supportive, I don't think I could make it without him really. He was my mental support and gave me strength. He helped me with everything, I had C-section and he even helped me take a shower etc. When our son was very little he helped a lot with everything, did his part of house chores, took care of the baby, even got up at night sometimes when baby cried, all this while working and providing money for us. When our son was 6 months old we got married. It was the happiest day of my life, I thought this is it, I finally have what I've always dreamt of, a loving husband, a baby, a true family. We agreed we wanted more kids, and we agreed I was to be stay at home mom until they were older. So when son was about one year old we tried for another baby, and we succeed at first try. This time it was a daughter, luckily it was healthy pregnancy, everything going like we planned. Except, when I was pregnant we started fighting a lot, falling apart, he was working more and more, I was tired, I felt alone and lonely, very fat and pregnant, taking care of 1,5 year old, taking care of house chores alone, because it all started changing and he wasn't as helpful as before. I guess we both failed to make each other happy, I'm not saying he's the only one to blame, but I really thought when our daughter is born, things will go back to normal. But they didn't, I started to feel even more alone and tired, I felt so so tired... We stopped having sex, we fought everyday. Every woman I had around me told me it was normal. That being pregnant, having a toddler, hormonal issues, then having newborn + toddler is exhausting and that every one of them had a hard time in their marriage during this period. I believed that. But time passed and nothing improved, we did therapy, we talked about it a lot, and nothing changed. In march he told me he want a divorce. That he doesn't love me anymore, actually he said he never loved me, that he married me because I got pregnant... I'm devastated. I begged him to not divorce, just to separate for some time, and see if that's what he really wants. He agreed. But about two months after I moved out with kids, he said he does want a divorce. I know I can't force him to stay with me. I'm just so devastated, so heartbroken. I still love him. I'm also very scared, since I am now alone with two small kids (3,5 and 1,5). I don't work. I want to go back to work in three months when kids will be attending daycare. Still I won't be making enough money to pay for everything. I'm not even sure if I earn enough to pay rent alone. He said he will give us money, he said he wants to see children etc. But I can't help feeling anxious. He said if I give him divorce without problems he will support us, but if I will try to claim it is his fault I am on my own. I don't have place to go, I don't have money saved, and I feel like I need to just do as he wants. I think there is someone else. Don't have any proof really, just a feeling. Well, his Google account was logged in on a laptop I took with me, and I once checked that, it saves Google maps locations of the phone, and I saw he was in a pub, when he said he was home, but when I accused him without thinking, he changed the password and I can't find some more proofs anymore. And I don't have money to hire a detective to check if he really was cheating on me.
What should I do now? How to move on and stop feeling depressed? I feel like I'm dead inside, just on auto pilot taking care of kids and that's it...
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, June 28, 2022
Is my (30F) co-worker (35M) interested or just being friendly?
I've been texting a co worker pretty much non stop since Friday night. We work on the same team but different departments.
Friday night after a team event we took a train home together (it wasn't just us two, there were four of us) and he would NOT shut up about the cat. I was placating him a little throughout the journey home.
At the dinner I was talking about the drinks I was having last night for my birthday, he was in the group and said "oh sweet, text me about it"
So I was like "cool, I'll ask John* for your number and send it on" then John was like "you know he's right here, you can just have his number right now yeah?" So Tom* put his number in my phone and said "call me there" so he would have mine.
He initiated the contact Friday night saying about the cat and it's kinda gone from there.
And it's not anything too "I wanna put my dick in u" explicit but there's also been some deep messages like about his parents divorce and that life is messing him up/has messed him up a bit (no details but given some of what he's said, I'm imagining a break up of some kind) and how he's in a bit of a low and he's gonna start therapy, and like. . . .things you don't talk about with a normal Co worker?
Or in such frequency? Cos don't get me wrong. I love the other guys on my team to pieces. But we rarely text outside work. The only co-worker I regularly text outside work is someone with whom I make a lot of plans and travel on day trips with. My mind is like "he wouldn't message so much if he wasn't into you in some way?"
But also he has showed me his cat. A lot. She's a good girl.
There's never been anything explicitly flirty, but things like making some kind of way to see each other, like me cooking lasagne or him offering to help with furniture if I move, or a round of shots to see which of us can best represent our country (I'm Irish, he's Australian.)
TL;DR a co worker and I have been in pretty constant contact, and I don't know whether it's because he's interested or just as friends.
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* This article was originally published here
Monday, June 27, 2022
When Rishi Kapoor talked about relationship Ranbir Kapoor will have with his kids: 'What he missed out with me' - The Indian Express
Sunday, June 26, 2022
My bf wants to get back into WOW and I don’t know if I should agree to it.
My bf (25M) and I (25F) have been together for 4 months now. He has recently started expressing to me how much he loved playing WOW for years and hated how his ex made his quit. He has been talking about the new expansion coming out and asking me if he could join a guild (group) and start playing/raiding with them a few days out of the week. He also mentioned that other than those days that he is going to play with them, he would also need time to grind things for his character to stay caught up with everyone else on the team.
He is asking me if I would be okay with that and honestly I don’t know if I should agree or not. One on hand, I would love for him to do something that he loves and see how happy it would make him knowing how much he loves it. But, on the other hand I’m afraid it would ruin our relationship. He himself is telling me that he really wants to do it but is afraid of how he might get addicted to it (because he has a history of doing so as he phrased it himself). And I’ve also seen so many stories on Reddit talking about how the bf’s addiction to WOW totally ruined their relationship and I wouldn’t want that to happen to us.
I also don’t want to tell him that I am okay with it and then change my mind because it would just not be fair for me to let him commit to a team and get back into the game just to take it away from him. But at the same time I don’t want to not tell him how I feel if he got too addicted to it and then end up killing the relationship by not sharing how I feel.
What should I do?
TL;DR My bf wants to get back into playing WOW but I am afraid of him getting too addicted and ruining our relationship.
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, June 25, 2022
Boyfriend decided to take me with him on partners-included team building weekend
I am wondering whether I should be suspicious about my [24F] boyfriend [32M] having decided to not take me with him on team building weekend although his colleagues decided at the beginning that it would be a partners-included weekend. 3 out of 4 of his colleagues are there with their partner, the partner of the one colleague who is also alone couldn’t join them because he is abroad.
When we had the discussion about whether I should accompany him or not, he told me that he would rather go alone since this is the first time he is going to meet his teammates in person (he works remote) and he wants to focus on them and have uninterrupted time with them during the weekend.
He’s there now and I feel a bit hurt about him deciding to not take me with him. I am also wondering whether I should be suspicious about his decision and worry that the reasons he gave me are not genuine. Is it reasonable to not want to include your partner in such an activity even if is a partners-included event?
Tl;dr: partner decided to exclude me from team building weekend although the majority of his colleagues are accompanied by their partners. Should I be worried?
LE: up until May, it was a fixed decision that we would go together. He changed his mind this month after having had some conflict with his colleagues at work. He impulsively decided that he wants to thread the situation carefully and spend time alone with them in order to repair any damage that might have been done.
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* This article was originally published here
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