Working on feelings of jealousy

TLDR: Felt some boundaries were crossed between GF and male best friend. Talked to her about it, drew some boundaries, agreed on them. Still uneasy. Need help.

​

My GF of 1 year has a male best friend who Im friends with as well though not nearly as close. They hung out a lot and would do things that I felt strangely about ( they would go for dinner, a walk and then go get ice-cream and he would pay for it). Was a bit uncomfortable that I was never invited to a single of their meetups and always got the feeling that at some points he was interested in my GF especially before we got together (I have known them both about 5 years now). Either way, I was confident about our relationship so I never really questioned it and just thought maybe thats just their dynamic.

Then she invited him (just him) to her place so she could cook him dinner during a weekend (during a time when we were both incredibly busy so weekends were kind of sacred as we set them aside for each other) on top of that, I was having a absolute shitfest of a week (grandma diagnosed with terminal illness, almost failing out a class at college etc.) so I felt that crossed a line. Set her aside, talked to her about it and it went well and she said she never knew I felt that way and would make sure to invite me next time.

This was all a few months back and things have been perfect since but I still find myself struggling with (jealousy?) / general uneasiness when i chance upon the hopelessly long chains of text they send each other. The "problem" has already been solved so how do I get over myself?

submitted by /u/DonkeyRubber_
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

I’m pulled of both sides and I don’t know what to do

I (17M) am in a relationship with my girlfriend (18F) since almost 2 years now, but I am loosing the love that I used to have for her, the thing is that I clearly know it’s still the case for her.

I noticed that my feelings for her (and a lot of things, almost everything actually) were going down, so I want to tell her what’s happening. One of the big issues is that I know that when I will tell her, it will completely break her, she have some mental health problems and already tried to take out her life a lot of times before we knew each other.

My plan is to tell her family and her closest friend that I plan to leave her and I will explain why I’ll tell them.

Two of the major keys of this story are :

1 : we are passing the equivalent of the exam for the High School Diploma soon, and this cause a lot of stress to my girlfriend. If I tell her my feelings before, she will completely fail and wont get the Diploma, which is necessary for her studies next year.

2 : this is also the period where we see in which school we’re accepted. She have an osteopath school near where we live, and I have a landscaper school that accepted me far away. She wants to do some paperwork so she can go at the same city as I, but if I leave her, she will be completely lost and alone in a place where she have no other attachments except me. Even though I don’t really love her anymore, I still like her a lot and wish her the best.

If I just wait until the end of the exams, it will probably be too late and she will get the paperwork done. If I do it now she will fail her exams and it will probably create a vicious circle where she won’t get over it, and I am afraid that, if it’s the case, she will end her days one way or another.

Tldr : I (17M) want to leave my girlfriend (18F) because I don’t really love her anymore but if I do it now, she will be completely broke mentally, and if I don’t do it now, there’s a big probability that I’ll have to stay with her for at least a year.

My question is : how do I handle this situation ?

submitted by /u/WeaknessStrong1432
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

I 22 (Male) need to get over a crush on a 21 (female)

So I met this girl and immediately developed a crush. She is kind, funny, and almost inhumanly beautiful. We started talking, I thought things were going well, she invited me to her house to ride horses, but because it’s a long drive I called her and decided we needed to have a conversation. She explained to me that she isn’t looking for a relationship, she has too many toxic exes, and she thought we were just friends. I also, through this conversation and talking to her cousins and brothers, determined that we would not make a good match for several reasons. I then spent some time avoiding her in an effort to get over her. Now I see her every couple weeks as she’s in my friend group. Even after months though I feel smitten with her. I’m helpless when she’s around and act like a “lost puppy dog” so to speak. Every time I see a picture of her on instagram I start fawning over her, despite the knowledge it would never work out. I want to see her as just a friend/acquaintance, I want so bad to have zero romantic feelings for her. It’s so confusing and difficult to try to move on and find someone compatible, while still having what feels like the deepest crush ever. Also it would not be fair to any other girl for me to start a relationship and have this strong of feelings for someone else. What should I do? Is this normal? How I get over someone like this? I don’t even feel heartbroken anymore, it’s more of an objective judgement of someone who seems perfect, and legitimately could be a model.

TLDR: I 22( male) need advice on how to stop having feelings for someone who a relationship wouldn’t work out with, 21 (female).

submitted by /u/homie_2
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

I'm (F25) unable to mask anymore and have lost all of my friends. I'm in so much pain

Undiagnosed woman here who have realized for the past two years that I'm on the spectrum. I've always been seen as weird and quirky but age has caught up to me and I've noticed the gap in maturity between me and the few friends I've had.

In particular the most recent two years have been so hard. I feel incapable of masking at all. All social situations are anxiety inducing. I can't even have small conversations anymore. I actually 'came out' to my friend a couple of months ago and feel like it was a bad decision. She is a couple of years older than me but I feel like she treats me like a child now and not a woman in my mid 20s. Our friendship has changed. I've lost almost all the friends I had previously. I'm not even sure I had friends.

I don't know what to do. I feel depressed. Nothing matters anymore. I have a couple of courses left to graduate from college but I can't make myself care anymore.

I feel like I've been acting my whole life and now suddenly I've lost the script. I'm in so much pain.

TLDR: I'm (F25) unable to mask anymore and have lost all of my friends. I'm in so much pain

submitted by /u/Kareopx
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

All of my [24M] friendships are situational.

Hello,

I am a 24 year old male. I've always had a hard time developing relationships with other people due to having bad Social Anxiety and lack of Social Skills. Despite my issues, I've managed to meet various people from school and work that I liked and got along with. However, I notice that ALL of my relationships NEVER go beyond their context.

When I would meet potential friends from school, we would never talk or hang out outside of school. It was never a, "Hey! Would you like to come over my house this weekend? Hey we should hang out sometime. I'm having a party, would you like to come?" We would never text or talk on the phone just to have conversation and keep in touch. In school we would get along just fine. We seemed to enjoy each other's company. However, after school, the weekends, and on Summer vacation I wouldn't hear from them. Whenever they would end up changing schools, I would never hear from them again.

It's been 7 years since I've been out of High School, and I don't keep in touch with anyone.

When I was in College, I would meet people from my classes in a given Semester that were cool, but then when the Semester would end and we no longer had classes together I wouldn't hear from them again. I would run into them on campus and we would acknowledge each other and that was about it.

I am still going through the same thing now that I am working. I've been at my job going on 3 years. I've met quite a few people here that I really liked enough to want to pursue a friendship with. We see each other at work and get along really well, but our relationship never extends beyond work. Those people no longer work there, and I haven't spoke to them since they left.

I notice this pattern with ALL of my relationships. My relationships never go beyond their context; they're always situational. I have a hard time keeping in touch with folks.

I get lonely.

I just wish I had people I can talk to and spend time with outside of work and school.

How can I break this habit?

tl;dr: All of my life for all of my relationships, they're always situational. They never go beyond their context. I'll meet people from work and school that I like and get along with, but we never spend time together or talk outside of school and work. When they end up changing jobs or schools, I oftentimes never hear from them again. I wish I had people to talk to and spend time with outside of the places I see them in. I want to break this habit.

submitted by /u/DCT1997
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

my boyfriend has completely changed and I don't know how to bring it up

There will be mentions of sex in this post, I just did not know if it was enough to need a NSFW post.

I (F17) have been with my boyfriend (M18) for coming up on three years. We met on one of those weird snapchat apps that is basically a kid dating site.

For the very first few months everything was amazing. He was my first boyfriend and he gave me so much attention and had said I love you before we had even met up in person. We kissed on the first date and he asked me out, I felt like I couldn't say no because I have a huuge problem with feeling like people hate me if I don't do whatever they want. This lasted three months, then things started to come to light.

First, I found a whole collection of nudes in his phone of his exs, that was password protected with my name. Next I found out he had been dating a 13/14 year old at the same time he was dating me. I found out because she dm me calling me names and how she was better for him. He blocked her, only for me to find out they actually kept talking for a few months just under different names.

Then he started the constant messaging of over girls, making new accounts and hiding them, and then eeverytime I confronted him he would deny, deny, deny. He even denied the time I caught him in front of me planning to meet up with a girl and smoke.

I know the simple answer is leave, and I should've left when it very started. At the beginning when I would say I can't be with someone who do this, he'd start crying and begging and promising he'd change. That he wouldn't be able to live without me and probably wouldn't go on. I have that in text somewhere. Because of this, I even told him if he didn't get help we were truly done. He had been blaming the cheating and the rudeness completely on his mental illness. So he started taking his meds and going to therapy again, for about two months and then he gave up.

Well now we're here. He hasn't cheated on me, unless he's gotten super good at hiding. But he's not like he used to be. I don't get the nice paragraphs I used to get, or just the nice words in general. If we are not physically hanging out it's like a switch flips completely. He'll yell and snap on me for easy things, most often if I interrupt his 8+ hours video game time with his friends, he calls me names like b**** and dumb c***.

Also, a bit tmi given my age, but at the start of the relationship I was very hypersexual. I have trauma from childhood and when I found a guy I thought was so in love with me and nice, something happened. Since discovering all this, among other things that have happened, I've become pretty much completely put off with sex. If I don't say yes anymore though, he keeps asking and asking. Says he'll be quick and make food after, says I'm only refusing to punish him and he's already been punished enough. Sometimes I wake up at night to him trying to start, he had just waited till he thought I was passed out.

Leaving isn't something I can do, at least not now. I don't know how to describe it because I understand people will think I'm just weak or pathetic. But it physically hurts so much when I think about it, or even when I try to break up with him. Like he's the one constant in my life, even if it's a bad one.

This weekend he went out with his friends, they're the type to always be cheating and getting into legal trouble. I asked him to please update me one an hour or so, and set a timer. -I said to set a timer because his reasoning for not updating me and even his reasoning for not "remembering" cheating is because he has ADHD that he refuses to take medication for. I know that the medication can have bad side effects, and so I understood when he didn't want to take those.- he agreed. So far, that has not happened.

When I brought up how he didn't follow through with what he agreed, after asking him nicely to remember to text twice yesterday, he blew up over text. He told me that he was sorry he fucked up all the time and that I had to find every single flaw in his brain. And then went on to say this, exactly, which is why I'm posting. I know it may seem like a small thing, but i think I'm just at a breaking point, and I mean mentally.

"I'm done talking now, im too pissed off and stuff. I'm trying, ya see I haven't called you any names because you said it 'hurts your feelings' so, You're Welcome."

I guess I'm asking for advice on ways to try and make him see my point of view, because I feel like I've tried every way, but I know that I could be handling it wrong because this is my first actual relationship. I try and compare and ask him how'd he feel if I did xyz, but he just says that's a different situation. I gave up on not crying in front of him, maybe hoping he can see what he did, but when we're on the phone he does nothing, and when we're in person he hugs me and says all these nice things and swear he loves me and he's sorry and feels bad. I also know this will sound odd, but I swear half the time when I cry in his arms he ends up smiling until I look up.

I know this is long, I started typing and I just couldn't stop really, I haven't told anyone about all of this before, although there is a lot more. I can't talked to my siblings or parents, because then they wouldn't let us stay or me hang out. I used to talk to my best friend but I don't want her to have to deal with hearing about a situation I guess I put myself in.

I understand if I am the one in the wrong here, and need to change. But please don't say anything insulting regarding the fact that I don't/can't leave. I already know I'm a push over and kind of or really pathetic.

TL;DR: my boyfriend completely changed from the guy he used to be. He went from sweet paragraphs every day, saying he loved me all the time and always complimenting me, to cheating and calling me names. I want advice on how to make him see my point of view, or how to set up a conversation with him about this, because my ways are always getting shot down.

submitted by /u/leafyguide
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Best way to ask where things are going?

So I've (m24) been seeing this girl (f26) for the last 3 months (at least once a week for 2 months) and its been going well imo but I'm a bit confused on how she feels about it, she is super keen in person and is always the one to ask when we can next meet up and comes up with plans as well but she is terrible at talking when we aren't together and can not reply to texts for hours or a day.

She says she doesn't like texting which is fair enough but it just feels a bit weird to me because everyone else I've been with I talk to everyday so I'm not used to not talking to someone I'm seeing for days and it's confusing me on if she is really that interested

It says she wants a relationship on her dating profile but we haven't had the what are you looking for conversation so I'm wondering how to best have the conversation so I have a rough idea on where things are going and maybe ask for exclusivity.

Any help would be much appreciated

TLDR - Girl (26) is super keen on me (24) when in person but is bad a texting so I want to find the best way to ask how she sees thing going?

submitted by /u/KieranID98
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here