how soon is too soon to say "I love you"?

Me (20F) and my bf (23M) have been dating for a month, but we've seen eachother a lot and I even slept at his house a couple of times already, so it feels like we've known eachother for much more time. But anyhow, Im really developing some serious feelings for him by seeing him basically everyday. I would really want to tell him I love him, but Im afraid its too soon and I never ever said it to anyone romantically. Should I tell him? When do you usually say it?

TL;DR : I feel the need to tell my bf I love him but idk if its the right time.

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* This article was originally published here

M(26) ghosted me (F26) after nice first date

I was talking to a guy for several weeks on a dating app before we met. We discussed our beliefs and the basic background stuff (what we do, our hobbies etc). All throughout our messaging the guy would talk about things we should do together in the future. All throughout the date, up till right before we left, he spoke as if he was planning to see me again and had enjoyed his time.

We were not physically intimate during the date other than a hug at the start and end. It did come out during our conversations that he had more relationship experience, and probably more sexual experience than me (I have never been in a relationship before). He mentioned during the day that his love language was physical touch.

He told me to text him when I got home. When I got home, I texted him, told him I enjoyed meeting him and asked him to send me a pic we had taken together that day. That was Saturday night, now it is the Monday after and he never replied. I followed up once with another text saying how I enjoyed the day and would love to meet again but if not can appreciate the day for what it was - the opportunity to explore a new place and meet a new friend.

Maybe it’s my inexperience but the ghosting has really thrown me for a loop and made me angry and unsettled. It’s so shitty to cut off contact instead of sending a simple text saying “I had fun, but I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship right now” or something to that extent. I feel like I did something wrong to warrant the ghosting, although I know I probably didn’t.

Maybe I wasn’t as physical as he hoped (I wanted to be more physical, but knowing I didn’t know him well I was very careful to hold back).

Why might this guy have ghosted me? Not being physically affectionate?

TL;DR:

Guy (M26) ghosted me (F26) after what seemed to be a very nice first date. We joked around, had similar beliefs and values, and the whole time the guy spoke as of he was planning to meet again. It came out that he had a lot more relationship experience than me, and I was not very physically affectionate during the date after he stated his love language was physical affection. Might this be why I was ghosted?

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* This article was originally published here

The big idea: why relationships are the key to existence - The Guardian

The big idea: why relationships are the key to existence  The Guardian

* This article was originally published here

I think I'm in a toxic relationship.

Me(23f) and my husband (24m) have been together for 3 years. We started long distance and then later I moved into his family's home, but now we currently live with my older sister and younger brother.

My husband has always been very family oriented, he has 5 siblings, 4 sisters and 1 younger brother. He is the oldest. I have a very small family. 1 older sister and 1 younger brother.

When i moved in with him and his family i quit my job and gave up on the apartment i was going to rent to move to another state where hes from. Don't get me wrong I don't have anything against small towns but it's a lot different then living in a city your whole life. My husband quit his job right before i moved and a few weeks after i got there he told me to get a job. Later i had applied to more than 4 places and no one would take me. Theres also no jobs there so it was difficult to even find a place to apply to.

My husbands family was very nice when I first met them, but I soon realized that they were very different then anyone I knew. The only way I can describe them is that they have big egos. Maybe it's wrong for me to say that but I have no other way of explaining. When I would try becoming friends with his sisters I would tell them my interests which i admit are kinda nerdy, like web design. They would reply why? Like as in why would like like that hobby. At the time it didn't bother me because I just thought they just didn't really understand. But they would always question things about me but not in a curious way but in a more demeaning way. My family and my friends, we all would laugh at ourselves. They would not. I remember one time me and my husband were wearing pink and yellow and his sister said we looked like SpongeBob and Patrick and I thought that was funny because we really did but after she said that she covered her mouth like she said something rude and my husband glared at her while his other sister laughed at us. At that point I realized that we view things very differently. I'm a shy introverted person, so things like this kind of made it hard to continue talking to them. The thing that made me realize that I really did not want to be friends with his sisters is that they would talk about me behind my back say I'm weird or I don't try to be their friend. Later he resented me and told me i never tried to be friends with his family. One day I was playing a video game with my husband. We were in different rooms. I could hear through his mic his sister talking to him and she said "she's bad isn't she" and My husband would reply "nah" which made me feel better but this would happen a lot where they would throw jabs at me and my husband would reply simply at them with a no or nah. Maybe this is the part where I'm sensitive but I wished he would've just told them to stop.

I was very depressed at the time because I knew no one but everyone knew everyone there and they people I knew would talk to me like that. Anyway I finally convinced my husband to move with me back to where I was living, but not having a job we couldn't get our own place. So my sister was kind enough to let us rent an apartment with her. Right when I moved I got a Job and started paying rent while also saving up for a car because we don't have one. I let my husband stay at home because I knew that he had just moved to a new state and it would be hard to get a job. During this time we decided to get married. We only got married at s courthouse with a few close family members. I resent my husband a lot for this because even though I asked for a wedding ring his response was he didn't have money, which was true but I've explained to him I don't want an expensive ring, it could be anything I just want something to represent our marriage. Even now that he has a job I don't think he's thought of getting one. Throughout our married he seems to be micro managing me. When we're playing games he tells me how, even though I've been playing the same game with him for years now. He'll lose his temper and yell at me a lot. Last night we were playing a game and I realize that I yell a lot playing a game because I get heated but he's always saying you're yelling and calm down, it kind of ruined the experience for me. Like I can't feel any emotion around him. I got a new headset and I'll sometimes put thr mic too close to my mouth because I speak low and he says your "breathing into the mic.", "i can hear you breathe". It's a little embarrassing especially when we're playing with our friends. Also when i tell him things that's I'm 100% sure about and he'll still won't listen and question whether I'm right.

The thing I hate the most that he does is that I think he hates family or finds them annoying. When we all hang out it's never positive, he always has to say something mean to my little brother or he'll just get visibly annoyed with my sister just because she likes planning this out or she won't realize that she did something wrong or she just telling her interests. He never tries to talk to them and idk if he's just doing it out of petty because I don't talk to his sisters or if he just really doesn't like them. What really annoys me is that he'll just assume the worst in them. Like my younger brother can be forgetful and not do things and before it happens my husband will be like "he's not going to do it right" or my sister "she's not going to put gas in the car" basically calling them lazy or bad. But the thing is that he's wrong because 8/10 times they always end up doing it.

Reading this you're probably questioning why I'm I still in this relationship. Well it's easy to just point out the bad things but he does good things that make me think loving him is worth it. I just don't know if that's how toxic relationships are. I genuinely think he thinks this is normal behavior especially if his family is the same way.

Tl;DR: My husband likes to micro manage me and yells at me a lot when he is annoyed. He thinks my family's annoying while also resenting me for not becoming friends with his sisters because they would talk rudely about me behind my back.

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* This article was originally published here

Boyfriend reveals his true colors when I make him mad that its scary

I've(23F) been with my boyfriend(21M) for a long one year. The whole year wasn't really all that good and he did a lot of shady stuff in the relationship i never understood. One would be him telling me he is busy and disappeared on me for a couple of days. I always had a feeling he was cheating on me but couldn't accuse him because i never seen it with my own eyes. Usually when we argue he wouldn't say much because he once told me he could say some things he know could hurt my feelings. Now when we argue he drops some things hes done behind my back. We had a total of 3 arguments that led to him showing his true color.

A few times in the past i would make him mad and he would say these things but will tell me it was a joke and it was only said to make me mad but it turns out they weren't really jokes. He then will bring up how i made him angry in the past that caused him to do these things. The first argument i made him mad and he admitted that he had slept with another girl. I didn't believe it but he showed me proof. And for the past few months before all of that, he's been telling me hes tired of me and our relationship and that im not attractive to him. Even though he said they were jokes, he didnt want to break up. We broke up after i found out he slept with another girl and i completely ghosted him for a few months. Still he found other ways to contact me and apologize. We got back together and had a second argument. He told me he had nudes of me but said it was a joke when we got done arguing. Only for us to argue again the next day and reveal that he ACTUALLY did have nudes of me. He deleted them when we made up. We got into it again two days ago and now he admitted he was tired of me again and he was messing around with a coworker at his job but hasn't shown me proof. It feels as though he doesnt like me anymore but doesnt want to break up. And if i do try to break up, he threatens me. What do I do?

​

Tl;DR: my boyfriend use to never argue back in the past because he told me he didn't want to hurt my feelings. Several months into the relationship he argues back and reveals how he feels about the relationship and stuff hes done behind my back. He slept with other girls and is still looking for more. He is tired of the relationship but doesn't want to leave me alone.

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* This article was originally published here

My sister wants help

She is 20 years old. She wants to marry guys she meets twice then in a week she doesn’t care about them. She breaks their heart because she is SOOOO into them after meeting them a few times, thinks and tells them that they are beautiful inside and out, then one day she will wake up and be not bothered about them at all. She was crying to me about it and saying she feels incapable of love. She sleeps around a lot now and still goes on about soulmates etc despite feeling unlovable. She’s in therapy for depression (she says her therapist is useless and refuses to take antidepressants) and hates both mum and especially dad. She says she hates men in general. (apart from her most recent ex who she says was an angel but she just lost interest in (he stuck around being her friend after she ghosted him, they got back together, then she slow ghosted him and told him what her problem was. I feel bad for him because I have an ex who did the same to me lol.) does she have a disorder or something? Deep down she is so sad but just moves through life at 100 mph and is constantly into the next thing and forgetting the past. I feel it’s all gonna catch up to her soon and she will attempt suicide again if she can’t break this cycle. Any ideas ?

TLDR: I’m very concerned about my depressed sister who is having relationship troubles where she can’t stay interested for long in people she claims to be ‘obsessed with’. She is very sad about it. She could have any man in the world, desperately wants love, but stops herself getting it

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* This article was originally published here

I (M25) feel insecure about girlfriend's (F27) ex being in her friend group

Hey guys, need some advice on this since I don't want to fuck this up.

New girl I'm dating and she's amazing and I really like her. We always have a great time together and I feel like I'm falling in love with her every day.

She has an ex with with whom she was together for 8 years (they got together when she was 16) - they broke up 2 years ago cause he cheated on her. They're also in the same friends group so they see each other from time to time (its weird for me that they meet considering he cheated on her) but other people in the group also have exes as friends and its normal for them. I just find it very weird because I have never been in this situation before and also me and my friends' group could never do this.

Last time the friends were meeting she told me the ex would be there as well. No issue she told me so no big deal.

She's been really excited to go to this festival with her best friend and during some conversation about the festival I asked her if she's gonna know other people there cause she was telling me about this festival for a few weeks cause she was excited for it (Showed me the setup and flyer and always showed me the updates etc.). She said some other acquaintances will be there and friends of friends etc.

The other day, we were together and she always uses her phone openly in front of me and never got a feeling she's hiding something or being shady. Her best friend was gonna come over and they were gonna drive to the festival together and drop me off for my train on the way. I see that she gets a text on her phone and its her ex who asks her if they should save them a parking place cause the places might be taken soon. I felt really shitty when I saw that cause she told me last time he was gonna be there and this time she didn't even mention it. I don't wanna sound insecure or some shit but this shit is bugging me. Also, she told me and showed me (it said on the festival flyer) that there might be limited service cause of the area so be prepared etc. I just felt really bad connecting these things and imagining something terrible.

When I confronted her, she felt really bad and said she should have told me that he was gonna be there as well. She told me my feelings were valid and I wasn't being insecure. She also said she doesn't like to mention the ex in front of me because obviously I wouldn't react positively to it. We didn't really get to talk so much about it cause her best friend showed up and we had to leave.

I feel like she's really into me - I've met some of her friends, she sends pics of us to her mom and I've also met her coworkers on multiple occasions.

I've tried to get back into dating properly after my previous relationship and this shit is just killing me. She felt really bad and is still texted me while at the festival (doesn't matter, I know) and she said she wants to solve this - she also suggested she could block his number or something it makes it easier for me but I didn't want that obviously either since if it's not going to effect us, and they're all friends it makes sense they see each other from time to time.

When we met again, we talked about it and I told her how this is eating me up from inside and she totally understood my feelings. She said we're gonna spend more time together so naturally she will see her friends less and the ex will fade away. She also said she feels nothing for her ex at all and it's been 2 years since they broke up. She also invited me to her friend's birthday party next month where he's gonna be there too. I said yes, I will be there with you. Maybe it helps seeing their lack of anything in person.

So two things - do you think I'm being insecure or do I have enough reason to worry about this?

Second thing: Regardless of whats happening, do you think this insecurity will keep killing me? And also how can I deal with this going forward not just with her but also if this doesn't work out in general with other future potential partners too? I would be just scared to date if I fuck this up so I'm really scared and overthinking it a lot.

Please be brutally honest and also guide me on what to plan for both of us so this doesn't become a problem for us. What signs should I look for?

tl;dr - started dating this girl recently and her ex with whom she had a long term relationship with is still in his friends circle and I feel insecure

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* This article was originally published here