Me(23f) and my husband (24m) have been together for 3 years. We started long distance and then later I moved into his family's home, but now we currently live with my older sister and younger brother.
My husband has always been very family oriented, he has 5 siblings, 4 sisters and 1 younger brother. He is the oldest. I have a very small family. 1 older sister and 1 younger brother.
When i moved in with him and his family i quit my job and gave up on the apartment i was going to rent to move to another state where hes from. Don't get me wrong I don't have anything against small towns but it's a lot different then living in a city your whole life. My husband quit his job right before i moved and a few weeks after i got there he told me to get a job. Later i had applied to more than 4 places and no one would take me. Theres also no jobs there so it was difficult to even find a place to apply to.
My husbands family was very nice when I first met them, but I soon realized that they were very different then anyone I knew. The only way I can describe them is that they have big egos. Maybe it's wrong for me to say that but I have no other way of explaining. When I would try becoming friends with his sisters I would tell them my interests which i admit are kinda nerdy, like web design. They would reply why? Like as in why would like like that hobby. At the time it didn't bother me because I just thought they just didn't really understand. But they would always question things about me but not in a curious way but in a more demeaning way. My family and my friends, we all would laugh at ourselves. They would not. I remember one time me and my husband were wearing pink and yellow and his sister said we looked like SpongeBob and Patrick and I thought that was funny because we really did but after she said that she covered her mouth like she said something rude and my husband glared at her while his other sister laughed at us. At that point I realized that we view things very differently. I'm a shy introverted person, so things like this kind of made it hard to continue talking to them. The thing that made me realize that I really did not want to be friends with his sisters is that they would talk about me behind my back say I'm weird or I don't try to be their friend. Later he resented me and told me i never tried to be friends with his family. One day I was playing a video game with my husband. We were in different rooms. I could hear through his mic his sister talking to him and she said "she's bad isn't she" and My husband would reply "nah" which made me feel better but this would happen a lot where they would throw jabs at me and my husband would reply simply at them with a no or nah. Maybe this is the part where I'm sensitive but I wished he would've just told them to stop.
I was very depressed at the time because I knew no one but everyone knew everyone there and they people I knew would talk to me like that. Anyway I finally convinced my husband to move with me back to where I was living, but not having a job we couldn't get our own place. So my sister was kind enough to let us rent an apartment with her. Right when I moved I got a Job and started paying rent while also saving up for a car because we don't have one. I let my husband stay at home because I knew that he had just moved to a new state and it would be hard to get a job. During this time we decided to get married. We only got married at s courthouse with a few close family members. I resent my husband a lot for this because even though I asked for a wedding ring his response was he didn't have money, which was true but I've explained to him I don't want an expensive ring, it could be anything I just want something to represent our marriage. Even now that he has a job I don't think he's thought of getting one. Throughout our married he seems to be micro managing me. When we're playing games he tells me how, even though I've been playing the same game with him for years now. He'll lose his temper and yell at me a lot. Last night we were playing a game and I realize that I yell a lot playing a game because I get heated but he's always saying you're yelling and calm down, it kind of ruined the experience for me. Like I can't feel any emotion around him. I got a new headset and I'll sometimes put thr mic too close to my mouth because I speak low and he says your "breathing into the mic.", "i can hear you breathe". It's a little embarrassing especially when we're playing with our friends. Also when i tell him things that's I'm 100% sure about and he'll still won't listen and question whether I'm right.
The thing I hate the most that he does is that I think he hates family or finds them annoying. When we all hang out it's never positive, he always has to say something mean to my little brother or he'll just get visibly annoyed with my sister just because she likes planning this out or she won't realize that she did something wrong or she just telling her interests. He never tries to talk to them and idk if he's just doing it out of petty because I don't talk to his sisters or if he just really doesn't like them. What really annoys me is that he'll just assume the worst in them. Like my younger brother can be forgetful and not do things and before it happens my husband will be like "he's not going to do it right" or my sister "she's not going to put gas in the car" basically calling them lazy or bad. But the thing is that he's wrong because 8/10 times they always end up doing it.
Reading this you're probably questioning why I'm I still in this relationship. Well it's easy to just point out the bad things but he does good things that make me think loving him is worth it. I just don't know if that's how toxic relationships are. I genuinely think he thinks this is normal behavior especially if his family is the same way.
Tl;DR: My husband likes to micro manage me and yells at me a lot when he is annoyed. He thinks my family's annoying while also resenting me for not becoming friends with his sisters because they would talk rudely about me behind my back.
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