Okay, so there's this girl. She's - quite amazing. She's the best woman i've ever met. She's pretty, she's smart, she has a great sense of humor, great sarcasm, incredibly supportive, nice flirt-to-roast ratio, nice style. Thinking about her and the memories we have makes me smile. We knew each other through a mutual friend and started talking in Feb 2022.
I started falling for her in March 2022, where we held hands, shared a few hugs and were generally flirty. However, she started giving me mixed signals on if I should ask her out. This went into April 2022, where she made it clear that she wasnt interested, and I told her I was moving on from her, because I also made it clear that I was interested. So, she gave me mixed singals and essentially played with me for two months, despite not having bad intentions while doing so (will get to why she didnt have bad intensions later). Anyways, with the school year ending in May 2022, I decided to stop talking to her altogether, because I clearly wasnt moving on from her and was still hung up on her.
She tried to contact me during our summer breaks (June 2022 & July 2022), however, I kept on giving her signals that I did not want to interact with her. I had essentially villainized her in my mind as a woman who plays with guys' feelings. I almost got over her by the end of summer break, but then August 2022 rolled around and this time I could not avoid her. She kept on trying to make convo and I started interacting with her occasionally. That was enough for the feelings to rise back. I started avoiding her in school, until she essentially got mad at me for trying to be "friends" with me.
Anyways, she contacted that mutual friend I mentioned earlier (who we met through) and through her asked her to meet me on the 26th of August. We spent around 40 minutes talking about what all had happened since Feb 2022, where she said that she liked me during that time, and still had some feelings left for me, and was willing to try in a situationship with me (for those unaware, its where you both like each other but arent public and/or dating). I was shocked, I was absolutely surprised. I asked her why she didn't tell me, and she said that it takes time for her to like someone, owing to trauma shes had from previous likings. At this time, I told her that she gave me alot of information to process and that I'd get back to her about us being in a situationship. She hugged me, and said she really loved me and called me cute, I was absolutely smitten even though I knew she didnt mean the love part, it was just more of a way of showing that she really missed me.
Fast forward to a few days ago, and I had sensed alot of tension building up within us. I asked her what was going on, and I explained why I stopped talking to her after June, July and August (becuase I couldnt be friends with her because I'd still have feelings and needed time to move on) she paragraphed me about how shes confused and she doesnt want me to stick around while she figures out her feelings and she asked me to move on, because she knew I liked her too much to stay just friends with her.
So I had no other option but to say that we ghost each other until I was over her nad was ready to be friends again, until she sorted her feelings out. However, 3 hours after we said we'd ghost each other, she asked me to stay, saying that she absolutely loathed the fact that she even asked me to leave her, and that she made a mistake by asking me to leave, saying that she wanted to hug me and wanted me to stay. So I told her to give me some time to think about it.
Now, idk about you but I see something problematic here. I just like her too much to leave her, and it's giving the wrong idea to her if I tell her that I want to stay. I really want to, and I want to try with her. I'd be willing to try with her again and again if it meant for a chance for us to stay together. But, what does that say about my character and my self respect? Do i get back with her as a situationship or not?
TLDR: I keep going back and forth with this girl and am concerned what this says about me as a person.
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* This article was originally published here
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