Me and my mom have always been close since I was a kid. She's a lovely lady who always made me and my older sister her number one focus. We always grew up feeling loved and had a great childhood.
As I've become an adult, as with all parental relationships our relationship has changed to a more friend sort of relationship. I moved away to College at 18 but we would call each other most days and see each other maybe once every 2 weeks. After College I moved in with my boyfriend who I've lived with every since. We kept up the calls and regular visits.
As time has passed, I've noticed negative quirks with my mom. She has always been incredibly chatty, but it feels like it's gotten to a point where when we talk, its a one way conversation. When in a group, it feels like she dominates. If anyone begins a topic, she'll pivot it to what she wants to talk about and then just barrage everyone with stories about her life for hours. She HATES when anyone tries to do this to her, and accuses them of talking over her or being rude.
Just in general, now instead of being happy to see her, I worry that shes going to do something embarrassing or just dominate the situation to the point where it feels like theres no point in even doing it. It feels like all my friends, my partners family and friends etc all "know" what she's like and have accepted it, but laugh at her behind her back. To a degree I do this too, it feels like the only way I can cope with it. Me and my sister frequently talk to each other for hours about how she's driving us crazy.
I think elements of these negatives have always existed its not like she's completely changed, but it feels like over the last 5 years or so, these negative quirks have intensified to the point where when we talk, I literally feel like she doesn't give a shit about anything I do or have to say. It's like shes bottled up a month of conversation topics in her head and then when we talk she unleashes them on me like a tidal wave.
She's also incredibly awkward when we're out. She will argue with all wait staff in restaurants we go to. Her food is too cold, its too hot, its not cooked enough, its overcooked. Either she has the worst luck of anyone I have ever met, or theres more to it than this. She isn't rude and berating to the staff, but its just so embarrassing. She'll just start talking to the wait staff about stupid things that they don't care about as well, just like she does with everyone else. When we go out with my parents and other people, I feel so ashamed. If we're in stores and the opportunity arises, she'll start talking to strangers about something for ages.
2 years ago, I snapped at her when I was having lunch with her and my dad. I told her that she didn't listen to me and I feel like she doesn't care at all. That she was selfish, and our talks are just for her. This really upset her and made her cry (my dad stayed out of the conversation entirely). I felt bad, but sometimes you just have to say these things I feel.
Last night, we had an argument about something petty and when we got off the phone I think it all just hit me at once and I cried for an hour. She hasnt changed since I told her 2 years ago, if anything she's even worse that she's even been.
I'm supposed to be going to dinner with her and my dad next week and I'm absolutely dreading it. I know I'm not going to get a word in. I actually think, because I always see my parents together, I probably haven't had a real conversation with my dad for years because she is so dominant in every conversation that neither of us are able to properly talk when shes around. This is absolutely crushing me as I love my dad so much.
My partner thinks that part of this is that she struggles with loneliness in retirement (she's been retired for 9 years, whereas my dad still goes to work every day) and this causes her to bottle up stuff she wants to talk about.
How can I even approach this? It's like she doesn't understand conversations are supposed to be 2 sided. I feel like I've completely lost my mom, and any attempt to reconcile the situation is going to result in her completely denying it and arguing she doesn't act this way, or breaking down in tears, only for 2 years to pass again with nothing changing. How do you teach social skills to someone whos almost 70 years old?!
TLDR: My mom talks at people making all convos one sided and embarassing me in front of friends. How do I approach this without making her cry and not change?
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