Assault on the boundaries: Love and relationship (pt 3) The Christian Post
* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, December 7, 2022
Tuesday, December 6, 2022
Be with a guy just so we can take a picture of him and brag about it
I'm sure I can't stand him (M19) from 1 month i,He always makes sxist and misgynistic speeches and sees the girls he has sx with as slts. He told me that he only sees me as an outlet and that if he doesn't have sx with me and say, he goes out on the town and that's all he gets angry,even if we did nothing but laugh and talk the days we also had sx. In May he wanted to end our friendship because I told a friend of his that we went out together, even years ago he wanted to hide me because he was ashamed of our friendship. He has always been ashamed to tell others that he goes out with me, I would like to take a picture of us and let our former classmates see it to expose him from this point of view To get a revenge towards all the people who they judged and insulted me behind my back or snubbed me, at the same time I am angry with myself herself for not moving forward and thinking about a class that is part of my past
TL;DR - I just wish I had a rematch towards everytime he hide me and towards a toxic environment
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* This article was originally published here
Monday, December 5, 2022
My ex we t on 2 “dates” 2 weeks after she broke up with me but still loves me
Okay so this is a complicated story. We had a 3 year long relationship. A lot happened in the last year of it in my life so I started wasting my own life and our relationship suffered from it. She broke up several times and we got back together because I said I would change back to the way it was. Each time I didn’t change. So 2 months ago she broke up with me and we still saw eachother and still did things we would do in our relationship the first month. Then she told me she really had to choose for herself and stop seeing me because it couldn’t go on like this. So this time I was like okay I get you broke up with me, I got so many chances I can’t really talk you back into it because I say I will change. So I thought to myself I’m just gonna have to show her that I can change (and yes show myself too because I wasnt happy with it either). So I did and now a month later I told her the changes I had made and everything and that I just wanted one last chance and if I would fall back in to my old habits she could breakup with me and I would leave her alone. We had a good talk but then she told me she felt more free now and she even had 2 “dates” with a guy she met 2 weeks after we stopped seeing eachother. Nothing happened but still. She told me she didn’t see anything in him and later started to rephrase it as it was just hanging out with him to look what it would bring. I had a breakdown but we talked some more. At the time I could settle with it. She did say she still loves me and misses me every day but its just hard after all the chances she gave me. We still went and had a nice night she wanted to cuddle etc. It looked like she was willing to try again. And then after her brain told her against her feeling like I can’t do this again. And she told me she couldn’t. We had a long talk again and tbh I think I could still make this work if I try my best. But the thing that bothers me is that she went out with another guy so soon to see if they would have a connection. I know I’m not really in a position where I can talk as I’m the one who fucked up but what do you think I should do? I really love her..
TLDR: My ex broke up w me and went on 2 dates. She still loves me and I think I could get her back but it still bothers me.
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* This article was originally published here
Sunday, December 4, 2022
My boyfriend loves me. Most of the time I think I love him too. But I keep getting hit with waves of doubt and anxiety, followed by waves of confidence and calm.
TL;DR; I think I might be avoidantly attached and I'm scared I'm going to let my anxiety and doubt ruin a great relationship, please help 😅
My bf (24m) and I (24f) have been officially together for 5 months, preceded by a weird will they/won't they period of 4 months in which we went on a first date, I said let's be friends, one thing led to another and we decided to date. So I've known him for a good 9 months at this point.
He is great. He loves me - we've both said it - he adores me, is very happy as far as I know, and is cautiously excited about our future.
Somehow, he is so perfectly attuned to me and what I need. I'll think about getting up to do something and sometimes he's already doing it for me. He always puts in effort, is always keen to spend time with me, both at home and making plans to go out. He follows through on all the "what ifs". He keeps it healthy, he has his own friends that he makes time to see independent of me. He is silly and ridiculous in the same way as me, we do stupid things together and nothing I do embarrasses him, instead he embraces it and gives it right back. Sex is great, he genuinely cares about making it good for both of us. Went from never finishing with my ex to having like a 90% success rate with my bf.
And yet I'm still anxious. About a month ago, I started having some painful doubts. Like, I don't think he's handsome, I don't look at him and think "beautiful", instead it's an affectionate "how silly". And sometimes when he's being silly, I get irritated, like "why is he like this, why can't he just be normal?!" While other times I don't give a damn. I worry that he's too keen, more than I am, and because I think I don't match the depth of his feelings I get anxious about saying "I love you" because it might not mean to me what it means to him.
I struggle to imagine us in the future. I don't have much idea of what it will be but he doesn't quite fit the picture perfect hallmark movie life that I just assumed would eventually be attainable if I just worked hard enough. (But in the flipside, I can't imagine any aspect of my future right now. There's a lot going on, uni just finished, working part time, planning a trip, preparing to start full time work, possibly working away for three months) Hanging out with his family is triggering, I think from the fear of making and losing again the relationship I had with my ex's family. It gives me more fear for the future.
Last time, everything was easy, I had no idea what I was jumping into. Now I know the pain of heartbreak, of having to start again, there's things to fear.
I've talked about this with my psychologist, we've discussed the possibility of my having an anxious-avoidant attachment style. You find yourself noticing the flaws and wanting to run away so you can find the perfect partner, but that perfection doesn't exist or probably isn't even what you want. You focus on it with intensity, it consumes you, and it ruins relationships that could be great if you aren't aware and don't handle it properly. I am just generally an anxious person, possibly could be medicated but I'm scared to go down that route so young when I could try other things.
And I feel like I do this a lot, I ruin things by stressing about them not being perfect- friendships, experiences. But then, am I just latching on to an explanation to avoid the dreaded idea that we might not be suited? Except I know that we are, we get on really well, have even had an acquaintance who is a relationship counsellor comment on it.
I don't know, my brain starts thinking and then it starts spiralling and I forget all my reasons for doing anything other than running away somewhere and hiding.
This has turned into me pouring out my anxieties to Reddit. I guess I'd love to know people's thoughts. Especially if you have any experience or advice for someone with an anxious-avoidant attachment style who wants to make their relationship work. And yeah I know there's various different names for this, this is what my psychologist used when she explained the origins and what they were and how they worked.
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, December 3, 2022
My Crush (Read The Description For Context) Hooked Up And Kissed Another Random Guy :( . Any Advice On What I Should Do?
Just to start off with some context, I'm 18m and basically, I've had a massive crush on this girl (18f) since the beginning of this year. We chatted heaps in all our classes, texted quite a bit, I've been to her house a few times and we even went to formal together (Australian version of prom) - anyway, according to her friends and even her parents (her parents are family friends with some of my family), she liked me.
A few days ago, she asked me to come to a club with her and her friends; I originally said I could come however I never ended up going as some stuff happened. Instead, according to a few of my friends who went to that very club and hung out with her and her friends, she hooked up with some random person who apparently was pretty trash looking - anyway, they were kinda shocked.
--- **TL;DR;** : When my friends told me the following day, I kinda felt slammed, not angry or anything but rather, just blatantly sad - I thought she was my 'soulmate' [we had sooooo much in common, we were also pretty accomplished as well - both of us got into Ivy League schools] but damn, I guess we weren't as close as we thought. Regardless, I feel rlly disappointed in myself for not making a move earlier or even letting her know that I liked her - even though it was very very obvious.
Anyways, what should I do? Should I Just Give Up And Forget About Her :( Or Should I Make My Move?
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, December 2, 2022
Is it creepy for a 35 y/o man to watch videos of a little girl who is good at guitar?
She's probably like 8. For me, child YouTube channels are typically just gross by default for adults to follow.
But anyway, the man I'm dating seems to be interested in this child's YouTube channel lately. The channel is run by the Dad but is named after the girl and is about the girl's guitar talent. The girl is very good at guitar. Not AMAZING VIRTUOSO like "everyone needs to see this!!" but very good.
BF is good at guitar and is interested in guitar videos in general.
The 6 or more videos he's watched of her channel over past few days (some are like 15mins long) are things like: girl playing the guitar, girl talking about why she likes the guitar and which guitars she likes most, girl with her dad talking about how she got into the guitar, etc. There is nothing suggestive about the way she dresses. The videos advertise her additional socials where you can follow her progress with the guitar and all that.
It seems harmless, but something about it is still creepy to me. Is it creepy? Am I the problem? Who is this content for?
tl;dr Little bit sketched out by bf's [35M] interest in a child's YouTube channel.
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* This article was originally published here
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