I'm not sure what to do... lose a girl I love or get married and move on with my life and leave things I enjoy behind.

TL;DR! - Difficult relationship with an amazing girl who took some time to do work travel. Wants me to come "pick her up" and then propose there to move forward with a life together. Not sure what to do.

I (31M) need some advice I'm not sure what to do.

I've been dating a girl (3 F) for the last 1.5-2 years. Things got really tough, my friends don't like her, there was no trust due to past incidents where I lied (we've been slowly rebuilding), and we often fight or don't see eye to eye. She is always trying to move forward and go fast for things and I am rather slow at doing things. This makes her on my case for a lot of stuff. But she is my team mate on a lot of things and is extremely supportive of me in my career and just general life stuff outside of that.

She has some anger issues... when she gets angry she doesn't care about my opinion and explodes at me. It used to really hurt but I've become numb to it and now I just let her explode then talk after and she is always reasonable and we can take steps forward. She is working on this.

She took some time to travel abroad for the last few months and we've really reconnected. We enjoy talking on the phone and things are good. She wants me to come to her last destination with her, travel around there together, and then move home together. She keeps hinting that the only way she'll come back is if I propose to her there.

I don't want to let her go... but I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Also I feel like if I do it i'll grow distance from my friends (if not eventually lose them) and not be able to enjoy things I like to do with them anymore. Like going on trips, or nights out, etc. Obviously some things change with a partner but I'd want my partner to come with me, not stay at home always... which she probably would since we don't enjoy a lot of the same things (outside of hanging out together at home and seeing interesting places).

She always tells me shes extremely happy to have me in her life and that we're going to build something incredible together. This makes me feel I'm going to break her heart and destroy her whole life... shes really counting on me to come through. That makes me really worry... I love her so much and I don't want her to hurt in anyway.

Is it worth really investing in this, changing my life completely to get married to this girl? Attempting to fix things with friends and rebuild everything which seems like a big challenge but maybe not impossible? Am I just being afraid to move forward or when you find the right person you just feel that you can do it? Is this ultimatum a red flag or just something of how relationships

Basically I just don't know what to do and the day when I'm supposed to go get her is quickly approaching. What do I do? I really don't want to not have her in my life but I also don't know if I will be ultimately unhappy and that it would make things worse in the long run. Starting to date again seems like a scary task as well... I just want what we have now to continue.

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* This article was originally published here

Is it normal for my bf(26M) to not act silly around me(24F)

Me and my bf have been dating for a year. I’ve noticed that the way he acts around his family and friends is different than the way he acts around me. With his family and friends, he’s much more “fun”, willing to joke around, talk and be silly. But when he’s with me, he doesn’t joke around much and his “fun” side doesn’t come out. He’s more reserved and quiet. Does anyone know what could be wrong?

TL;DR: Bf is silly and talkative with friends and family but with me he’s reserved and quiet. Why is this happening?

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* This article was originally published here

My wife (f36) took me (m37) to the absolute brink and it was the best thing she could have done

Last week my wife dropped what I considered was a bomb on our life. We had been married for 5 years with a 3 year old, and she explained to me that she wanted to separate. It was very clear she had thought through this although she was mostly telling me that she wasn't happy and that "something was missing."

We live a very comfortable life. Fairly middle-class but are fortunate in a lot of ways, and have worked really hard together. From the outside our relationship looked pretty idyllic. I am successful at work, a higher earner, I have a large social circle, am involved and well-regarded in our community. I have lots of my interests, hobbies and am physically active and in good shape. In all of the baseline ways, I am there for my wife and child, being highly accountable and seemingly involved. Our marriage looked pretty typical, we did things together, had arguments, no sex life, but got along well enough. "Typical marriage stuff" that would eventually get worked out. We did just have a kid so I guess I expected things not to be great, but I was still really proud of my family.

When she dropped the news, I was completely shocked. Here I thought we had crafted this incredible life together, one that I thought we both were happy about. But it was apparent that she had thought through this fully, committed to and was ready to get a divorce. We had open conversations about love and fears, and we have open conversations about the hard truths of divorce and how it would wreck all of us emotionally, financially and everything else. If I ever brought up what this would do to our young child's life, her point was that our child would respect us more for choosing to live a life of happiness then one of being stuck in an unhappy marriage for 20 years. At times we veered into some nastiness that would happen in divorce but were pretty fair with our conversation. I obviously wasn't ready to divorce and she was, so there was a split in objectives that would have been the root of some issues.

I begged and pleaded with her no matter how pathetic I looked. I tried swinging the other way and showing that I was ok with being on my own (which I would be ok but I know that I would be better with my wife and family together). She was kind but steadfast. That was probably the most heartbreaking part.

It took a few days and got to the point where we were probably hours away from doing damage that we wouldn't have come back from but I had an epiphany.

Because I always assumed that I would have a wife, I took her completely and utterly for granted. Because I thought I had taken care of that checkmark of getting married and that she would never leave, I never invested in her the person and never tried to maintain or build the connection we had. I was going through life as a chore. Every little inconvenience was such affront to me that I was miserable. Any time that my wife brought any idea up that took an ounce of work, I shot it down and said it didn't make sense. If it was an idea that I liked, then we could do it, but if it was something that I didn't deem worthwhile then I said no and that was that.

My wife comes from a life of instability and trauma and I come from one that was pretty fortunate and healthy. And I was so intent on "showing her the way" to stability and happiness that I never actually listened to what she wanted. I sought approval and fulfillment in our social circles and community instead of figuring out was wrong at home. I wasn't adding anything to her life, I was only limiting what she could do.I finally got to the point that I understood how miserable she would have had to be in order to come to terms with leaving. And I got it. If someone acted the way I did, I would fantasize and ultimately plan a way out as well. No one's perfect but I'm ashamed of the way I acted and realized that I wasn't even living a life. I was going through the motions and letting life pass over me.

During our figuring out what to do, the three of us went on a walk around the block and collected fall leaves. I was so incredibly grateful, and cherished every moment of it because I realized that it could be taken away at any single moment.

As I began to come to this realization my wife began reconsidering slowly. We agreed on staying together at least until the new year and committed to doing couples therapy. I had been softly recommending couples therapy for a little while but she was non-committal at the time and even during this which was a really bad sign. But I believe that I would have went into the therapy just as bull-headed and try to push my agenda about being right. So I kinda understand her mindset. Maybe the therapist would have uncovered all of this earlier, who knows.

I expressed my epiphany and I believe that it's resonating. I also made sure to tell her what I thought AND listen to find out what she thought. We had some really heartfelt moments of connection and she expressed genuine excitement in our future. I recognize that just acknowledging this isn't enough and that it will be up to me follow through with my actions over the course of the year and onward. Honestly it feels like I have a new outlook on life in general because I was able to see how bad it would have been to go down the other path.

This morning she told me she's invested in doing couples therapy together. It's still very early and things could change at any moment but I will be appreciating every moment we have together.

tl;dr my wife began pursuing divorce and I was able to get my head out of my ass long enough to have a change in my outlook on life that will hopefully save my marriage and family

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* This article was originally published here

Doom, Gloom, and the Fanbase’s Relationship with Pessimism - AZ Snake Pit

Doom, Gloom, and the Fanbase’s Relationship with Pessimism  AZ Snake Pit

* This article was originally published here

How to attract love and harmony in your relationships as per astrology - Times of India

How to attract love and harmony in your relationships as per astrology  Times of India

* This article was originally published here

My (23F) BF (33M) left me to go to a spa alone

Apologies in advance for the long post. My BF (32M) and i (23F) have had the idea for us to go to a spa and massage place for a while now. Today, we could finally go, we couldn't before because of scheduling issues.

So i called up the place to make a reservation for 4.30pm, i called at 4pm. The admin said that the male therapists are available for the time we wanted, but the female therapists are fully booked for that time and would only be available starting at 6pm. And she also told me that the service he wanted would last about 90 minutes, while mine was 60 minutes.

Now, before we decided to go today, he previously said that we'll eat out after the appointment, and we rarely eat out together so i was looking forward to it. So it was going to be us going to the spa and then having dinner.

But after the phone convo with the admin and knowing that the female therapists are only available at 6pm, i decided that i'd just wait for him while he goes in for his appointment and made the reservation for him. I told him how long his appointment is going to be (90 minutes) and how i can only get in at 6pm, which is 1.5 hours from the start of his appointment, and that i'd just wait for him.

Here's where it gets conflicted in my head.

First thing, I feel like he should've at least mentioned or suggested that we can just go in at 6pm, so we can go in together. His response to me telling him that i'd wait was "are you sure you're not gonna get bored?", and i said "yeah, it's fine." because i was looking forward to the dinner. But that response, in my head, sounds like him trying to get me to not go. Why? because he offered no solution to the problem and not thinking about how i wouldn't be able to go do this thing we planned TOGETHER.

After the phone convo i started to get ready, changing clothes etc., not once in the 5 minutes i was getting ready did he mention anything about pushing the appointment back.

Second, after we were ready and walking to the door, i suggested that we could go for the 6pm slot which i could easily call up the place and reserve for that time, for both of us. He paused, got quiet, and kept walking to the door, and because i sensed that he didn't like that idea, i said "but if you want to go now, it's fine".

I know, i should've communicated my feelings better, but in my head, he should probably have the idea that i wanted to do this too, was that unreasonable of me? i don't think so. And he knows i'm a very expressive person, you could tell how i'm feeling from how i act and talk, and we've been together for 4 years now, he knows.

After we exited the house and on our drive way, i paused and said "Actually, i'll just stay home. I'm going to feed Aulus (our sick cat) and give him his medicine. You go". Maybe it's just me, but i saw him go a bit relaxed(?) like he's not upset anymore, idk. He asked me if i'm sure, and at this point i didn't want to go anywhere anyway. So he said "okay" and got into the car, and left. All within 5 minutes.

And now i'm crying and i feel like i got sucker punched and all because of this silly little thing. Idk who to ask about this because i don't talk about my relationship to the people in my life (not because of anything, just because i don't want to).

Should i be feeling this way and am i right in thinking that he should've thought about me in all of this?

TL;DR my BF left for a spa appointment we both waited so long to do together because the time slots for my services and his services don't match, and he didn't suggest to push back his appointment time to match mine (by about 1,5 hours) and seemed upset when i suggested that he did that, but left right away after i said i'm not going.

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* This article was originally published here

Bf heavily fantasized about me prior to he and I going out. Red flags or no?

My (25F) bf (25m) admitted to heavily fantasizing about me for months prior to us going out

Throwaway account but wanted some opinions here

My bf is wonderful and very loving, & I don’t think this will impact us in any way but I wanted to make sure I wasn’t being oblivious to red flags here as well.

The other night my bf confessed to having fantasized over me often to the point where he would get erect when I was around him at all (we worked together) and he confessed that he had masturbated to the thought of me multiple times a week, even a couple of times on the drive home after work.

This lasted for roughly 6 months until we ended up going out on a date. We did not know each other well for the six months leading up to our first date.

While I want to think this just reaffirms what I know to be true about his attraction to/for me, I just want to make sure that this doesn’t indicate anything darker.

TLDR; BF had fantasized about me so much prior to us going out that pleasured himself multiple times a week for months on the drive home after leaving professional situations where he had to be around me, and in his free time. Red flag or normal indication of attraction?

TYIA!

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* This article was originally published here