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Saturday, October 7, 2023

My (23F) BF (33M) left me to go to a spa alone

Apologies in advance for the long post. My BF (32M) and i (23F) have had the idea for us to go to a spa and massage place for a while now. Today, we could finally go, we couldn't before because of scheduling issues.

So i called up the place to make a reservation for 4.30pm, i called at 4pm. The admin said that the male therapists are available for the time we wanted, but the female therapists are fully booked for that time and would only be available starting at 6pm. And she also told me that the service he wanted would last about 90 minutes, while mine was 60 minutes.

Now, before we decided to go today, he previously said that we'll eat out after the appointment, and we rarely eat out together so i was looking forward to it. So it was going to be us going to the spa and then having dinner.

But after the phone convo with the admin and knowing that the female therapists are only available at 6pm, i decided that i'd just wait for him while he goes in for his appointment and made the reservation for him. I told him how long his appointment is going to be (90 minutes) and how i can only get in at 6pm, which is 1.5 hours from the start of his appointment, and that i'd just wait for him.

Here's where it gets conflicted in my head.

First thing, I feel like he should've at least mentioned or suggested that we can just go in at 6pm, so we can go in together. His response to me telling him that i'd wait was "are you sure you're not gonna get bored?", and i said "yeah, it's fine." because i was looking forward to the dinner. But that response, in my head, sounds like him trying to get me to not go. Why? because he offered no solution to the problem and not thinking about how i wouldn't be able to go do this thing we planned TOGETHER.

After the phone convo i started to get ready, changing clothes etc., not once in the 5 minutes i was getting ready did he mention anything about pushing the appointment back.

Second, after we were ready and walking to the door, i suggested that we could go for the 6pm slot which i could easily call up the place and reserve for that time, for both of us. He paused, got quiet, and kept walking to the door, and because i sensed that he didn't like that idea, i said "but if you want to go now, it's fine".

I know, i should've communicated my feelings better, but in my head, he should probably have the idea that i wanted to do this too, was that unreasonable of me? i don't think so. And he knows i'm a very expressive person, you could tell how i'm feeling from how i act and talk, and we've been together for 4 years now, he knows.

After we exited the house and on our drive way, i paused and said "Actually, i'll just stay home. I'm going to feed Aulus (our sick cat) and give him his medicine. You go". Maybe it's just me, but i saw him go a bit relaxed(?) like he's not upset anymore, idk. He asked me if i'm sure, and at this point i didn't want to go anywhere anyway. So he said "okay" and got into the car, and left. All within 5 minutes.

And now i'm crying and i feel like i got sucker punched and all because of this silly little thing. Idk who to ask about this because i don't talk about my relationship to the people in my life (not because of anything, just because i don't want to).

Should i be feeling this way and am i right in thinking that he should've thought about me in all of this?

TL;DR my BF left for a spa appointment we both waited so long to do together because the time slots for my services and his services don't match, and he didn't suggest to push back his appointment time to match mine (by about 1,5 hours) and seemed upset when i suggested that he did that, but left right away after i said i'm not going.

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* This article was originally published here

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