Hi all,
Really need advice on this one.
I have a former friend we'll call Mike, who I decided not to be friends with anymore around a year ago because he's an abuser. The problem is he is in our friendship circle and keeps bad mouthing me to friends. He just won't let it go and now blames me for 'disappearing'.
A bit of history:
At first, Mike came across as a bit narcissistic (always talking about himself, rarely engaging about others), but then I discovered he was physically and emotionally abusive to his then-girlfriend. His girlfriend left him and blocked him on everything, and this was my first hint, then I heard that the neighbours had been called and various other things.
After their breakup, Mike began to be emotionally abusive to me and other friends, insulting me at random times, talking down my achievements, mocking my career choice, talking bad about me behind my back. He also began to chronically lie about everyone. "That friend who was going to live in Europe? Oh, he had a mental breakdown and came home" (No, he had a girlfriend back home and wanted to stay with her). "That other friend who moved away. Oh, she went MANIC and left." (No, she got a prestigious job offer and left).
I have a personal rule in my life that I don't stay friends with abusers. I have been abused before and it's a red line that I'll never cross. I'm stronger now. Abusers need to be behind bars and in therapy, not friends with me. I confronted Mike about his abusive behaviour towards me and others. He refused to apologize, tried to gaslight me, and ruined my birthday among other things.
So, I decided to never talk to him again. This was a year ago. Mike is still friends with all of my close friends. I've tried to talk to my close friends about him but it's like talking about Santa Clause. They kind of believe me and have seen some of it, but they still want to be friends with him. That's fine, the problem is that now Mike keeps bringing me up to them, saying I disappeared on him etc. I've decided to ignore all of this and continue to not talk to him. I believe that this attention-seeking strategy is designed to get me to talk to him again, so I have decided to stay strong.
But how do I get him to leave me alone?
TL;DR; I discovered my friend was abusive to his gf and others, and cut him out of my life. Now he is badmouthing me to people in our friendship circle. How do I get him to leave me alone?
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