My[28F] new bf [28M] is making me choose him or my mom

I've recently started dating again, and in a short amount of time became exclusive with this one guy I've felt a strong connection to. We enjoy hanging out and dating, but I can't spend as much time as he'd want me to because I also have to take care of my disabled mom. My mom has, among physical issues, mental health struggles. She also has paranoia and tends to have outbursts if I spend long amounts of time somewhere, especially if it's with somebody that I haven't known for a long time or that I don't know well (I need to call or text her periodically to reassure her).

Recently I've had to delay a date because I've needed to help her with some things as well as to wait for a good opportunity to leave her alone for longer than usual. It's something I have to basically prepare for.

He thinks that I'm choosing my mom over him and is basically putting a wedge into our relationship until I "disobey" my mom. To me, this isn't a question of obedience, but that I'm trying my best to maintain a relationship and at the same time cope with my mom's deteriorating health. But he thinks she is ruining things because she's the reason that I can't date or visit him any time that he'd like us to.

Does he have a point? Does it look like I'm clinging to my mom or that she's manipulating me, and I'm actually in the wrong for thinking I can balance both relationships? It's never occurred to me that this was an issue, because it never came up with any of the guys I've dated previously; they were ok with me taking care of her and delaying dates if it was necessary. They themselves would delay dates in order to attend a friend's party or take care of a visiting relative or do overtime at work, and I never held it against them either.

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TL;DR: I take care of my mom, who has (mental) health issues that make it hard for me to go on long dates (>6h). My bf thinks we can't maintain a relationship because of it, and now I'm looking for input from others, whether I'm in the wrong and should listen to him, or I should continue the way I'm doing things.

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My bf left me alone in another country

My boyfriend(25M) of 4 years and I(25F) moved abroad 3 months ago. We moved to a country with a 2 year visa and where he has some relatives but I do not have any.

Some important points for context: - The move was more important to me than to him but we had planned it for 2 years before finally moving and he repeatedly said he was sure about the move.

• We are lucky to both work remotely and so out work and financial stability was not affected by the move.

• He is not very close with his immediate family and so there was no big loss in that relationship by moving.

So since we moved he has made it clear he does not particularly like the country and since the pandemic he has been struggling with his mental health. He stopped seeing his therapist a few months ago despite my objections. He also said the move has made his mental health worse.

3 weeks ago, he told me he wanted to go home and figure out if was in a position to be in this relationship. We argued and he went to a hotel for a couple of nights. We both thought he would come back after a few nights of space.

Over the phone, we came to the conclusion that he should go home and I should stay to figure out what we both want. I wanted him to stay but didn’t push it because I didn’t want him to resent me if I tried to prevent a trip home.

He got a flight out the next day without coming back to our place to say goodbye.

I spent the next 2 weeks feeling extremely upset. I ultimately felt like he should have stayed to figure it out together and I was angry he never said goodbye.

I also gradually got more and more angry that he left me in a foreign country entirely alone.

After 2 weeks of an emotional roller coaster , he has decided he wants to come back with the agreement he will be going to therapy for his mental health and we will only stay in the new country for about another 6 months.

Before he booked a flight back, I ended the relationship because I felt angry that we came here together and then he just abandoned me here.

Now I’m unsure if I made the right choice or if I am being unreasonable. All advice welcome.

TL;DR: my boyfriend and I moved to a new country together. He struggled with the move and got a flight home by himself, leaving me alone for for weeks. He wants to come back but I ended it. Not sure if I made a mistake.

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There’s no such thing as ‘no-fault’ divorce – the phrase they’re looking for is ‘everybody’s fault’ | Zoe Williams

I’m all for making break-ups less traumatic. But the new divorce law can’t strip out all the emotion

On Wednesday, the “no-fault divorce” law comes into effect in England and Wales, the result of years of campaigning by lawyers and family rights groups, to take the acrimony out of separation. The law until now was peculiar in ways that you probably wouldn’t realise until you were at the point of getting divorced – tethered to old-world values about the sanctity of marriage, with workarounds to reflect the modern understanding that, sometimes, shit happens.

So if you wanted a divorce and hadn’t been deserted or gone through the process of separation, you had to sue your spouse for either adultery or unreasonable behaviour. In the first case, obviously that had to be brought by the “adulteree” rather than the adulterer, which was kind of rum, that one party would get cheated on and made to carry the burden of legal admin. As for what’s unreasonable, the bar was set incredibly low, and unless you said: “He has this way of breathing where it always sounds the same,” a judge would be unlikely to refuse you. It sounds easy, but it set the tone: two people scrabbling through the mud of the marriage to find the worst bits in it, which intensified the adversarialism. Even couples who managed to keep it “round the table” (a mediated separation) rather than head to head (with a family court involved) would nonetheless often be embarking on their journey as co-parents with a whole list of charges and counter-charges, burning away at their brains, offending their natural sense of justice.

Zoe Williams is a Guardian columnist

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* This article was originally published here

Project Blue Light to Deter Crime, Build Relationships - WGRT Local News

Project Blue Light to Deter Crime, Build Relationships  WGRT Local News

* This article was originally published here

Blind date: ‘At one point he asked if I had hairy armpits’

Abigail, 27, designer, meets Ryan, 30, telecoms engineer

Abigail on Ryan

What were you hoping for?
Somebody who doesn’t take themselves too seriously but is still ambitious, like-minded and up for a laugh.

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* This article was originally published here

please could someone give some help

tl;dr - i love my boyfriend but can’t stop thinking about my ex who i’m actually completely over. does this mean i’m not ready to move on, what can i do?

So I have a new boyfriend. We have been friends for about 8 years prior and have now had a romantic thing for about a month. I honestly have never ever felt this way about anyone.He is absolutely perfect in every way and i genuinely love him so so much.

BUT. prior to him i was single for about 7 months and before that i was on and off with a guy for around 4 years. by the end of things with my ex i was not in love with him at all and i knew we weren’t right for each other and that i didn’t and never again wanted to be with him romantically. to be honest when we broke up i actually felt relieved and didn’t cry or feel that sad - if anything i missed the friendship and what we used to have but i just wanted to move on from him. Me and this ex for the last 7 months of not being together, we wouldn’t speak for a few weeks then would just send the odd message to be like ‘hope your doing okay’ or we would have the odd catch up phone call. if anything i think this was a comfort thing because of such a long attachment and for me no feelings were involved. In these months, even though i was over him and didn’t miss the relationship with him at all, i did feel jealous if i thought of him with someone else. not because i wanted him for myself but because i felt replaced and i wanted him to want me and him being with another girl made me feel a bad way. idk why??? it sounds toxic ik.

anyway, so now i’m with my current boyfriend, i have none of this jealousy about my ex anymore and i have no desire to speak to him but for some reason i can’t stop thinking about him??? like a song comes on when i’m with my new boyfriend and i’ll think of my ex and feel sad, or i will compare everything my new boyfriend is doing to him.

I don’t know why i’m doing this because i don’t love or miss my ex at all and i love my new boyfriend with my whole heart. i just can’t stop thinking about my ex now and it’s stressing me out so much. I was worried it means i’m not ready to move on but i felt perfectly happy single and had done for a while so i don’t know why that would be the case? i also don’t feel as though it’s an issue with my current relationship because my boyfriend makes me feel a way no one else ever has. could it mean i’m not fully healed from my past relationship (it was traumatic during) and that i’m not ready to move on? or is it an opportunity to heal? please help.

does anyone know why im thinking about my ex and what it could mean? and how to stop so i can enjoy my new relationship?

ps. if it is any relevance i have experienced ROCD before and i would say i have anxious-avoidant attachment style

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* This article was originally published here

Am I (25f) being unreasonable demanding validation from my partner (30m) that he considers me an equal partner?

TL;DR at the bottom of the post. Thanks in advance for any/all insights.

We've been in a really rocky state since the pandemic... it keeps circling back to my need for reassurance that he views me as an equal partner.

I'll admit that I've been depressed and had low self esteem basically since our honeymoon phase ended (5 years ago, 3 year honeymoon phase tyvm). Although he's not completely the responsible for my poor sense of self (lots of other factors did that) he definitely did not help me. I tried to break up twice during the pandemic but we would agree to stay and try and work it out because I felt like I was being too hard on him/blaming him for too much.

I mostly have trouble getting over stuff he's done/said to me in the past. I realize it's because a lot of those things (I feel, based on my observations) came from a place of him not respecting me as an equal partner. I've been trying to think of ways to get him to prove to me he thinks I'm an equal partner. Like I asked him once to tell me something he liked/valued about me but he couldn't come up with anything... then I asked him to take time and think about it and write a list and he could only come back with "I like hanging out with you at home" and that I had good social skills (which I think this refers to the fact that I will go with him to social events and put on a pleasant face. But this feels so inauthentic to me because I've been withdrawing so hard I hardly recognize myself...).

I told him a few days ago that I'm stil having these thoughts, and he was understandably upset. I didn't put it exactly like I need validation in this regard, so I'm planning to do so tonight but I'm wondering if it's even fair/healthy to put this on him? It kind of sucks, but it feels like this is the only option? For me the signs, the logic of it all points to that he doesn't see me as equal, but then I also recognize that I have such a low sense of self worth that I will just naturally assume that he thinks less of me. But then he shouldn't have a problem providing this evidence for me then?? After all, I do it for him all the time because he tends to naturally think I do things/make mistakes on purpose to attack him. So I have to provide evidence that that's not the case. (This dynamic is something thats improving BTW, I realize it's not a healthy one).

My gut thinks it's over, but my head and heart think there's hope if I can get validation that my partner views me as equal. I don't know how else to get this validation other than from him, and I'm also not sure that I can hear this validation for what it is. Do you think it's unreasonable to demand this from him? Or is this something on me?

TL;DR - I'm an insecure GF who needs validation from my partner that he views me as equal. Is it unreasonable to put this on him to provide?

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* This article was originally published here