I (35M) am unhappy in my 5 year marriage to my partner (43M) but afraid for him and his stability if I leave

So there's a lot going on behind that description. We are low income folks, we live with my mother so that all 3 of us can benefit from the presence of 3 incomes... or rather, that's how it started out. I've got my own fun basket of mental health issues that I maintain medication for and occasionally try to juggle therapy for while I wait to get insurance.

I'm also an alcoholic (started as a way to self medicate), but I'm trying to recover or at least not be a total idiot. I don't want it in my life anymore. My partner, on the other hand... I've threatened, I've cajoled, I've issued ultimatums. Several years ago I started a consistent campaign to get him to pursue any kind of therapy - there was a queer friendly clinic close by, but you needed to hop on the waiting list - and his alcoholism was apparent at the start. I didn't mind when our relationship started though because I was right there with him, that's the place I was at and it seemed like a good match. I'm not at that place anymore. Bless my mother for putting up with our bullsh*t when we moved in with her, but babysitting alcoholics was old hat - runs in my family. I think she was just happy she could keep an eye on my chaotic, broken mess of a life.

There's other issues with him not liking me pursuing my own hobbies (which I do in order to not drink) instead of sitting on my butt and watching movies or whatever with him. His main modes are playing games, or consuming media right now. While drinking. Always the damn drinking. If he has a day off, a 12 pack is going to be coming home. I've mentioned AA more times than I can count, but the religiosity makes that almost a no go. He was raised Mormon, you can guess how well that went over with the gay and all. He hates religion, passionately. Other issues with him not cleaning, mostly because of being drunk. It all usually circles back around to the alcohol.

He's codependent to me, in a disturbing amount. I think I'm probably on some pedestal, or the image he's in love with is the alcoholic he proposed to 5 years ago. I'm responsible for finances, I do the important stuff, I drag this relationship around by the nose. As I'm getting older I'm becoming concerned about how I will handle things like a real career, or retirement. I know what I want to learn and go back to school for... he has no aspirations, nothing. I don't have a partner right now, I'm taking care of an adult child. I love him, deeply. There is a kind and genuine person, under the alcohol, but he's also deeply unstable and full of self loathing. He's attempted suicide before(not related to any of this) and it's part of why I've continued to try for so long.

I want to leave this relationship, I'm deeply unhappy and angry almost all the time, and it's keeping me near a substance I can't control myself around. But I'm afraid for him and I know he won't seek help. How many years of someone refusing to help themselves is enough for you to leave an alcoholic, especially if it is a danger to you? What if it's a legitimate concern that this person could self harm?

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TL;DR - My husband and I are alcoholics. I'm trying to recover, but he has no interest. I've tried multiple time to get him to try therapy or AA, and he's refused, so now I want to divorce/leave him but I'm concerned for his well being because he may self harm.

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I think my [f20] bf [m20] isn't interested in me anymore

Quick note: sorry for any spelling mistakes or formating mistakes, I'm on mobile so it's a little funky.

TLDR; My [20f] boyfriend [20m] of 3 years doesn't initiate anything romantic/sexual/etc of any sort with me and when I bring it up says he'll change then doesn't. Worried he might not be interested in me?

I [20F] have been with my boyfriend [20M] for 3 years. In those 3 years we have broken up twice for short amounts of time (both initiated by him, as was getting back together the first time).

When he and I first got together everything was absolutely wonderful. We met through a friend and clicked instantly and the beginning of our relationship was amazing. We both had a lot of fun, our sex drives were high, we couldn't keep our hands off eachother, etc.

A little bit of backstory; I grew up in a very rough household and haven't lived with my parents for 3 or so years. I've lived with my bf and his family for almost a year I believe. I know I have some issues with insecurity and also probably depression. My bf has been there for me through a LOT and I will always be thankful for that.

I think maybe us living together ruined something? Or maybe not since before we even lived together he would make comments about finding me somewhat unappealing.

I understand that people have different love languages, but it doesn't seem like he has one at all. For the past 2 or so years of our relationship things have slowly grinded to a halt. We don't hold hands, if I try to hug him he just awkwardly stands there with his arms at his sides (this happens whether I ask before I do it or not), we don't kiss, we don't snuggle/cuddle unless it's bedtime and I beg for it, he doesn't compliment me (ever. The last time he complimented me was probably literally before we started dating), he doesn't like giving/recieving gifts, he doesn't even say my name anymore unless he's upset with me, and he only says I love you if I'm preforming oral or I say it before I leave for work. I've tried to bring up going on dates or finding fun things to do but he brushes them off and tells me he isn't interested in those things and doesn't want to go on dates (like.. ever). Anytime I bring up doing like cutesy couple-y things he tells me he doesn't like doing that "dumb couple shit" (that includes literally just taking like selfies together).

We basically never have sex except for me pleasuring him. He says he doesn't like preforming oral or using his fingers, he doesn't like doing foreplay, he doesn't like having sex unless it's me giving him oral. If we do have sex he struggles to get and stay hard at first, there's no foreplay, he covers any part of me that has exposed skin except for my face and he looks away from me the entire time. We go until he's satisfied and then we stop no matter if I've finished or not. At this point I feel more like a living sex doll that cleans then a girlfriend.

I used to want to marry this man and have a family with him, now when I think about it I feel uncertain and sad. I do love him and I don't want things to end but I've talked to him about all of this and how it hurts me in several ways several times and he says he'll change but never does. The only thing he's gotten better at is saying I love you back to me. I don't know what to do honestly.

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Mom avoids going to therapy after my dad passing away

TLDR: Mom avoids her feelings about my dad's dead and refuses to go to therapy. She vents a lot to me and I am getting tired and drained, I do not know what to do to convince her that therapy is her best option.

My (23F) mom (52) is avoiding therapy as much as possible. My dad died on early 2021, so it is still recent; he got covid and died within a week, so it was quite sudden.

My parents hated each other. They were together for 30 years though, but I grew up with them being toxic with each other. They would sabotage themselves and talk behind their backs a lot... sure, they had still some affection but I think they kept being together just because they were used to the relationship.

That said, my mother still cried a lot when dad died. She blames herself for his dead too, just because she did not force him to get hospitalized (he did not want to, was scared of hospitals). I tell her that she thought it was best for him and he died in his house, next to his wife.

Months passed and as today, she is much better. She admitted that after dad died, she has been much less stressed and has realized how abusive they were to each other over the years. However, she does not want to go to therapy... she is a workaholic and avoids her feelings with work. She still blames herself for my dad's dead and still holds a grudge against him after everything he did to her.

Mom vents a lot to me. I am her youngest daughter, and she often says that I am her favorite. I do not mind listening to her, but it has become tiring and is everything she talks about. She does not care much about my personal life as well, if I try to change de subject, she will turn it and talk about her and what happened with my dad again. I had told her that this makes me uncomfortable because I do not know what to reply and I also do not like her talking bad about my dad (she mentions all the bad things he did to her during their relationship). She says that she will stop but it has yet to happen.

If I try to bring therapy to the conversation, she says that she is too busy working. I tell her that a therapist is best suited to listen to her and navigate her feelings, but she still refuses. She says that she is afraid of her feelings and she cannot have a breakdown now because it will distract her from working. Our family is well-off and just her taking a few days off would not affect us, since she is the owner of her business.

It is not like my mother does not believe in therapy. She paid for mine without hesitation and saw how much I changed after it... but she still does not want to. Mom has told me that it makes her angry to keep bringing it up, because it makes her feel that I am forcing her to do it. I do not know what to do, I want her to actually reflect on what happened instead of just venting.

She does not have much friends due to her working a lot, so she does not have anyone else to talk about it. Sometimes I feel she is manipulating me to listen to her because whenever I tell her that I am uncomfortable she says "You are the only one I trust with this! Your sisters do not understand and your aunts just judge me".

Is there a way to solve this little by little? I think if she is able to digest her feelings more, she will be willing to go to therapy. I am thinking of singing her to some dancing classes or any kind of hobby, so she will spend less time working.

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Complete loss of attraction to him

Was my loss of attraction expected given the way he was acting?

Sudden and inexplicable loss of attraction to my partner

When I (27 F) met my boyfriend, I thought I was so looking, kind and charming and he was the most attractive man I’ve ever seen. Girls would turn heads at him. He would be so affectionate and kind with me and convos were amazing, loads in common

But during the relationship, over time, he stopped putting effort in, talked about himself all the time. Criticised me for tiny things a lot. Had crazy career ideas every week that never became anything. He hated his job and had barely any money to live off. My friends said he was annoying because he always seemed to want to ‘win’ the conversation. Sometimes I was worried what random rambling rubbish would come out his mouth next. He didn’t care for me anymore, everything was about him.

I think he became depressed and I was supportive and encouraging, but he never left the house, ate unhealthy, but on a load of weight, never worked out and just played games all the time. He stopped putting on deodorant or cleaning his teeth. He wasn’t afraid to burp around me a lot and did this horrible noise all the time when he cleared his throat. He kinda started to look like a completely different guy.

We never did anything out and about. I always wanted to go out for dinner and drinks but he always wanted to just eat kfc in bed in front of the tv instead. I felt so cut off from the world, there was so much fun places we could have gone and nice places to eat.

I even asked him if we could go away on a short city break in Europe. He said ‘you’re putting too much pressure on me’ when I only asked once.. But then he still booked a trip away to Barcelona with his friend the next week.

I completely lost all attraction to him, I felt completely asexual. Thought I was depressed or something as my whole libido disappeared.

Was about to end the relationship and he did it first.. he told me he was with me because he was lonely, which really upset me

tldr Was my loss of attraction expected given the way he was acting?

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Dating History Austin Butler's Love Life 2022: A Breakdown of His Relationships Before and After Vanessa Hudgen - pelhamplus.com

Dating History Austin Butler's Love Life 2022: A Breakdown of His Relationships Before and After Vanessa Hudgen  pelhamplus.com

* This article was originally published here

He’s friends with his toxic ex

I (25F) had been seeing someone (30M) for the past few months and it had been padding along cuz he was really hot and cold with me. Recently I had enough and broke it off with him but the thing that really ended it was when I caught him texting his ex while we were hanging out. This was someone who he’d been with for 5 years of his life and who really affected him mentally, someone he almost proposed to (ring and all) three or four times. I understand the significance of her to him but I had also got out of a relationship with someone really toxic, difference is I really want nothing to do with my ex.

So my question is: why would you remain in contact/friends with a really toxic ex?

Tldr: I broke it off with someone seeing him text his toxic ex and now am wondering why people would be friends with their horrible exes.

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My (22M) GF (21F) is telling me she will break up if I go see my parents for summer break.

I live away (10 hours) from my parents . I see them 5-6 times/year and that is: 2 weeks for xmas, 2 weeks for easter and few and between days during the year. I also see them 7 weeks for summer break.

I will go to see them this summer break, for 7 weeks. My GF is already VERY upset that I did book the tickets without telling her beforehand when do I leave. She is also very upset that 7 weeks is too much to be away from her - almost like a LDR.

Now, I wish I could invite her, but both our families are very bad financially, and our house is too small, we are 3 siblings, 2 of us will be sleeping in the same room.

She was in tears and was also angry saying that she might consider breaking up, not because she doesnt love me, but because she cant bear the time away. I know she does not mean it, but I am afraid she could cheat, out of resentment or impulsivity.

TL:DR : in the title. It is 7 weeks break.

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