So there's a lot going on behind that description. We are low income folks, we live with my mother so that all 3 of us can benefit from the presence of 3 incomes... or rather, that's how it started out. I've got my own fun basket of mental health issues that I maintain medication for and occasionally try to juggle therapy for while I wait to get insurance.
I'm also an alcoholic (started as a way to self medicate), but I'm trying to recover or at least not be a total idiot. I don't want it in my life anymore. My partner, on the other hand... I've threatened, I've cajoled, I've issued ultimatums. Several years ago I started a consistent campaign to get him to pursue any kind of therapy - there was a queer friendly clinic close by, but you needed to hop on the waiting list - and his alcoholism was apparent at the start. I didn't mind when our relationship started though because I was right there with him, that's the place I was at and it seemed like a good match. I'm not at that place anymore. Bless my mother for putting up with our bullsh*t when we moved in with her, but babysitting alcoholics was old hat - runs in my family. I think she was just happy she could keep an eye on my chaotic, broken mess of a life.
There's other issues with him not liking me pursuing my own hobbies (which I do in order to not drink) instead of sitting on my butt and watching movies or whatever with him. His main modes are playing games, or consuming media right now. While drinking. Always the damn drinking. If he has a day off, a 12 pack is going to be coming home. I've mentioned AA more times than I can count, but the religiosity makes that almost a no go. He was raised Mormon, you can guess how well that went over with the gay and all. He hates religion, passionately. Other issues with him not cleaning, mostly because of being drunk. It all usually circles back around to the alcohol.
He's codependent to me, in a disturbing amount. I think I'm probably on some pedestal, or the image he's in love with is the alcoholic he proposed to 5 years ago. I'm responsible for finances, I do the important stuff, I drag this relationship around by the nose. As I'm getting older I'm becoming concerned about how I will handle things like a real career, or retirement. I know what I want to learn and go back to school for... he has no aspirations, nothing. I don't have a partner right now, I'm taking care of an adult child. I love him, deeply. There is a kind and genuine person, under the alcohol, but he's also deeply unstable and full of self loathing. He's attempted suicide before(not related to any of this) and it's part of why I've continued to try for so long.
I want to leave this relationship, I'm deeply unhappy and angry almost all the time, and it's keeping me near a substance I can't control myself around. But I'm afraid for him and I know he won't seek help. How many years of someone refusing to help themselves is enough for you to leave an alcoholic, especially if it is a danger to you? What if it's a legitimate concern that this person could self harm?
TL;DR - My husband and I are alcoholics. I'm trying to recover, but he has no interest. I've tried multiple time to get him to try therapy or AA, and he's refused, so now I want to divorce/leave him but I'm concerned for his well being because he may self harm.
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* This article was originally published here
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