Hello! Me and my partner met at Instagram around 1,5 years ago. Long story short we fell in love and are now living together. However his instagram activity is making me feel very insecure and hurt and I would like to hear advice how to proceed forward.
He seemed to be following several attractive women (normal everyday women with max 1000 followers) from around the globe who share few same interest as him and I brushed it off thinking that he must have met them during travelling or so. Around six months ago I got curious about the women and asked him where does he know them (he openly talked about his friends and instagram profiles but alway avoided talking about the women). He got kind of apologetic and said he would unfollow the ones he followed during his single era. Then he said rest of the women she knows from gigs and parties and I accepted that. Few months ago I noticed he followed some new ones from other side of the planet and I got suspicious. Fast forward to this weekend I decided to confront him again and turns out he lied to me; he actually knew most of the women only from instagram. However he made me believe he has not messaged them. At that point I was having hard time trusting his words so I asked if it would be ok for me to check his instagram DM's and he let me take a look. Well, turns out he was lying again. He had long chat histories with the women and even messaged one of the woman he followed only few months ago. He had even suggested video calls with one of the ladies. I didn't scroll too much and not all of them since I got so hurt about him lying. Sure now that I think back, they were not sexting or anything, just friendly chatting. However the lying and trying to hide the connection to the women is what is so hurtful to me. He said he lied about them because he was worried I would get my feelings hurt. And I cannot understand why would he do actions that he feels that would hurt me and he needs to hide the actions from me. I would be completely fine with him having online friends if he would openly talk about them but he chose to lie on top of a lie about them. That's why it's very hard for me to believe that he just wanted to be friends with cool people with similar interests (all the women in this case were young, good looking bodies, cute faces. Yes it seemed like his type in women which I also fit into. He said he followed themfor their art etc. but several of them had only revealing, pretty selfies and general life pictures. And he was mostly liking the face selfies and revealing bodyshot pictures. He said it is just a coincidence that he is not following any unattractive people).
I try hard to understand his point of view. We come from completely different cultures and in his cultures it is worse thing to hurt someones feelings than speak the truth. In my culture it's seen as very negative to avoid telling the truth, and people are brutally honest even if it hurts feelings. He says the women know about me, and it would be fun to party together if they ever come to our country and expressed to some of the women it would be nice to visit their cities someday. He is also very friendly and cute guy, and easily gets attention of the women he likes. I guess I'm afraid he was using the random women for boosting his ego because before he has been kind of bragging about how much girls numbers he would get in the past etc..
Anyway, now we are lost how to proceed. I obviously feel hurt and like trust issues are forming and he also feels hurt and tired. How could we build better communication and intimacy between eachother? I wish he could feel open and safe enough to talk with me about anything, and wouldn't need to feel like he needs to hide something from me.
TLDR; partner following random, regural attractive women from around the globe and I recently found out he was lying about who they are and what kind of connection he has to them
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