I (23F) reconnected with a guy I met in 2020 last summer and ended up going on dates for a while. I typically take a lighthearted approach to things. A few months in I suggested we should see each other more and he (24M) gave me the run around about being busy that guys give when they don’t want to see you. He told me he cared about me but wasn’t emotionally available because busy with work. That was in the Fall, fast forward three months when I invite him over to have sex (at this point I’d figured if he’s not available for something serious that doesn’t mean we can’t have sex with each other which we both enjoy). Basically he has a mental breakdown the week following the sex, tells me he can’t handle just sex with me and that he always wanted something serious but thought I didn’t so he suppressed his emotions. then we agreed to stop talking, his idea.
This was a major blow on my everything. My heart, my perception of people, my perception of myself. Since that happened earlier this year it feels like I encountered a couple of misfortunate, short lived dating situations after. I’m trying to keep hope of healthy, intimate love but sometimes I look at the world we live in and at my experiences and what we’ve normalized and the chances seem so… idk. I refuse to say impossible but I don’t know. I was seeing another guy and he was so kind, then all of a sudden became super unresponsive and not so kind. And I know it has nothing to do with anything I did, because I didn’t do anything. Stuff like that just hurts
I hate that as a woman (or maybe it happens to everyone) you’re not even allowed to say you feel lonely/want intimacy. I feel like people treat you like you’re weak for wanting these things or assume you must not “love yourself enough”. I truly love myself and I show this by making the best decisions for myself that I can/am capable of, like actually letting myself walk away from toxic dating situations. I just really miss the intimacy shared in romance, the physical touch, the companionship. I haven’t had a boyfriend in about 4 years now. I feel really lonely sometimes, and I never used to feel this way but I think having been so close to it with the last guy I took seriously and having him walk out of my life makes me feel even lonelier.
I don’t know what to do guys. And I don’t want to give up. I don’t even think it’s a choice. But jeesh I’m exhausted. I just want to be held and roll over and kiss someone sometimes. And share my feelings and vice versa. And most important of all I want it to be healthy.
Has anyone been in a similar position & can offer any relevant advice?
TL;DR woman has had disappointing prospects in last 6 months & feels pretty lonely. seeking insight from people who have been in similar situations or observed them
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* This article was originally published here
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