I (F20) and (M20) started out as fwb around 13 months ago. We got along really well but never talked about anything more as he was supposed to move a way for good in 2 months. He moved away, and then we began texting a lot everyday and began having feelings for each other. This lasted around 4 months. Then he came back for a month as vacation, and everything between us was great. Feelings got stronger, and we’d spend almost every waking hour together. It was perfect, but we avoided any and all talk about a relationship due to neither of us wanting long distance. He leaves again, but ends up coming back after a month and stays here for good. So we decide to get into a relationship. He had a lot of trust issues, but we worked on them a lot. This led to having my own trust issues neglected. We have a mutual female friend who he has a history with, he was avoiding hanging out with her the first few months for several reasons, he told me this (not liking her as a person anymore, out of respect for me, out of respect for her boyfriend who is also his bestfriend). This began to change, and whenever everyone is busy he would hang out with her alone. He already knew i didn’t feel comfortable with them hanging out alone especially with alcohol, given the history. I told him i feel hurt whenever they hang out alone, and that i don’t want it to happen. He agreed it wont happen again, but the next day he made plans with her to hang out. I felt like i was being cheated on. I know he wouldn’t cheat on me, but the hanging out itself felt like cheating especially because i asked him not to and he agreed. I was angry but he kept telling me i have nothing to worry about whatsoever. A few days later, he breaks up with me saying he doesn’t love me anymore but still has a lot of feelings for me. Says we’re always arguing and i’m always angry, even tho that only happens when he hangs out with her. I go no contact for a few days, he texts me saying that he misses me and doesn’t want to throw our friendship away (we had become bestfriends) i say i can’t be his friend, we fight some more then agree to simply take the label off. We would be just like we were prior to making the relationship official (no sleeping with other people, treat each other as if we’re together, etc) the label was a lot of pressure for him, and it was for me too. When we took away the label, things between us got a lot better. Last night, he jokingly starts telling me how he can sleep with whoever he wants and i have no say over him, then he starts playfully wrestling me ( which we always do, but only for a few minutes) but this time it goes too long and i keep telling him to stop it but hes just laughing and continuing. This goes on for hours, and i get really angry, yell at him, then decide i want to leave. He quickly begins apologizing and asking me not to leave, he tears up (first time that happens in our relationship) i tell him hes taking me for granted and needs to know when to stop when joking and to stop overdoing and crossing my boundaries. I tell him if anything similar happens again i will leave and he will never see me again. This is when hes really affected and tearing up, tries to hug me and asks me to go back inside. I haven’t brought this up to him, but a feel taken for granted in many areas not just the boundary crossing thing. I like to go out once in a while, he likes to stay in 24/7. He won’t go out with me at all. He used to before, now he just doesn’t bother. Nothings ever about what i want, it’s all about him. I don’t know if threatening to leave him will fix this issue, but i feel like theres nothing else i can do. I don’t want to leave him, but i’m very confused i don’t understand what he wants and i don’t know what to do to fix it. I’m exhausted but i know i’d feel worse if he isn’t in my life. I know we can work it out if i manage to get to him but i don’t know how to approach the issue without him shutting down. Does anyone have any tips? How can i work it out? Should i just give him a taste of his own medicine or try to deal with it nicely? Please any advice would help. I know he cares about me a lot, but i don’t know how to fix this sudden behavioral change. I feel under-appreciated but it’s early on in the issue do i think it could be fixed i just don’t know how. He’s not abusive nor manipulative, he’s a very genuine person but lashes out sometimes.
TL;DR we removed the label from our relationship and now he’s taking me for granted and i threatened to leave him completely. I need advice on how to make him appreciate me and how to approach this
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