I feel like my new partner keep all his problems inside

I (24M) and him (28M) have been dating for 4 months so it is recent, we don't live in the same city but manage to see each other every month.

He's a very loving and caring partner, he does a lot to satisfy me, as I do with him too. He always gets me flowers when we meet, invite me to diner and more, while I buy him gifts, diners and support him as much as I can.

However, I saw some problems already in the relationship. He's from Asia and they keep everything for themselves, he has a lot of stress because he pays for his studies by himself and work on the side, his grandpa passed away in his country 2 months ago and his uncle is at the hospital, he misses his family a lot but can't afford to travel there atm, he didn't see them for 3 years, his family struggle with money too because they had to pay for all the hospital bills for his grandpa and make around 500 euros per month, now less. He struggles a lot with money also in Europe despite his hard work, but won't accept my help (I'm not very rich, still a student but I can live in a comfortable way with my parents help). But the problem is that he mentions all those problems, I can see how much it impacts him, but he won't open himself to me. He told me he didn't cry since he was 10.

I can feel that he has a lot of insecurities, he told me that also. Sometimes, I'd make comments that I find normal. One day during a fight at the beginning before dating, I told him we might not be compatible, which to me is just a fact and not bad, but he said I "looked down" on him, and made him vulnerable. When I want to go to a nice bar, he doesn't want to because he feels like he doesn't "belong" there and people will judge him for his look (Tattoos and piercings). To me, as a gay man, I clearly don't give a f**** to what people might think of me or if I can/can't afford to be in a place.

Now here come the problem (to me): He feels empty, like he doesn't exist on his own, and he has to be part of a community. He joined the underground community and like activism which is nice, but actually never do anything. His only hobby is to go to illegal raves under bridges, in abandoned buildings with people and get drunk, dance to techno surrounded by people who does lot of drugs (he doesn't do drugs) with no one to look after them, since it's not a real club but illegal. He only feels like himself there he told me. I have nothing against clubs, if you like techno then go for it, but be reasonable, it causes me a lot of stress that he goes out that much and not just for fun, but just to be "free" to be him. I wish he could connect more to his emotions and be himself all the time. He saw that it caused me stress so he reduced his clubbing moments, but now he doesn't look happy, I don't know what to do. The world have so many amazing things to explore, why only just go to night clubs? When he visited me 2 weeks ago, I showed him Paris and we had so many great moments, he told me it was the best week end of his life and that he feels so peaceful with me. Also, his group of friends are the same, They are all struggling and go to raves all the time , so he joins them. He has FOMO when he misses one party and feels so bad and guilty. He follows like 150 raves on Instagram so it constantly there. The fact that ALL his friends are only partying and not doing anything else doesn't help I think, but I can't tell him to make new friends, I find it inappropriate.

I see a therapist and that helped me a lot, I wish he could see the extraordinary and hardworking person he is and feels good all the time. When I read his messages to my therapist, she told me it sounds like an identity crisis, but he's 28, I'm so anxious, she said it might pass but no one can be sure. When I ask myself what do I want, my reply is someone that matches my lifestyle, who can enjoy museums, concerts, walking in the park and nice diners. I don't like clubs but I don't mind it since we don't have to share all our interests, as long as it's reasonable. But at the same time, before meeting my therapist, I was that insecure person and my way to feel better was compulsive shopping, and him its the raves, so I understand him. I'm just so lost on what to do.

I love him, but this is too intense for me, I don't know what else I can do, I know I can't heal him but how could I open his eyes? What do you think on that situation or have you been in a similar one?

TL;DR! - my partner doesn't share his feelings and emotions with me, and always feel empty until he goes to underground illegal raves where he can feel free to be "him".

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* This article was originally published here

Ways by which narcissists punish you in relationship - Hindustan Times

Ways by which narcissists punish you in relationship  Hindustan Times

* This article was originally published here

boyfriend (19m) blocked me (18m) for bringing up his mom during an arguement

we've been together for 5 months

basically my bf made a comment which he apparently intended as a joke towards my cat, saying that all I care about is my cat and that I love it more than him, then proceeded to say he'd abuse and run over the cat with a truck.

after I called him out he apologized and said he was joking but it didn't seem genuine, I told him do you not realize how messed up it is to threaten to kill my cat that I care about.

I was mad at him obviously so I told him "what if I joked about f'ing your mom" (he's a HUGE mamas boy) to which he replied by telling me "don't ever bring my mom up again, I'm not letting this slide." and blocked me. I know it was a mistake to talk about his parents and I messed up but idk what to do now.

please cut me some slack as this is my first relationship and i am naïve, and its long distance as he lives 40 minutes away from me, any advice on what to do because I feel so lost right now, Ik we both messed up but I care about him so much and I want to fix this but i'm not sure if I should reach out.

TL;DR: bf blocked me bc I joked about f'ing his mom

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* This article was originally published here

Should I (28/f) cancel my first date with (27/m) after being ignored all of yesterday?

Tl;dr - we were both honest about wanting intimacy and not being able to find what we’re looking for in partners. He was really straightforward with me and I was with him. He’s called me almost every night since we met, we text first.

I called him too but it was mainly him, he felt comfortable calling me when he thought about me or wanted to know I was smiling or to hear my laugh. Admittedly, it’s only been a week but it’s been a great start. I’m not invested because things happen I guess, I’d be very disappointed and I think it’d take some time to get over this. Things are intense and I’m excited to see what will happen between us.

Things were going well until I said something about an insecurity with being intimate, I want to take things slow and get to know him in person. I don’t have a timeframe but I said I won’t rush into anting sexual. He was offended and said he doesn’t want me to hold back.

He wants passion and some sort of closeness while getting to know me. It’s important we’re physical. I’m not the same, I need time to ease into it and the more we spend time together the more we’ll grow closer together. I want passion just not straight away.

Anyway, I need advice because I don’t know if I should give him the benefit or doubt and still meet up for our first date today. The friction between us happened the day before yesterday. He ignored my messages I sent and didn’t call.

This morning he message me on WhatsApp (another app to the one we’ve been communicating on) trying to confirm our date. I know some people don’t like talking the day or sometimes days before the first date. I don’t know what to make of it. He’s been on social media and using it as if he wasn’t busy at all.

I could be over thinking it, he was big on communicating and feeling comfortable with each other. He said he’d never leave me feeling confused, neglected or unsure of his intentions. Except I do now.

I need advice, should I cancel our first date?

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* This article was originally published here

Hannah Waddingham on the pain (and joy!) she channeled for 'Ted Lasso' - New York Post

Hannah Waddingham on the pain (and joy!) she channeled for 'Ted Lasso'  New York Post

* This article was originally published here

Ex allegedly lied about his ex gf, im heartbroken

I had been dating a guy from work for 4 years (Ron) and we were inseparable - we never argued once or had tension. It was the easiest relationship I'd ever been in. Ron had a friend from his past (Rachel) and they had a relationship for 2 years less than a year ago ago but remained friends - I've never asked him much about this because I didn't care, and he told me they are just friends, and with the way I felt so secure around Ron, I never had to doubt what he felt for me. He pursued me for about 2 years before we dated for 4 years, which is crazy persistence. In our relationship he has shown his care for me time and time again. I've never felt unloved by him.

Ron and Rachel went for lunch. Rachel told our mutual friend Hannah that Ron admitted to her that he still had feelings for her and that he was dating me out of convenience amongst some other not nice comments. As the story goes, Rachel turned him down. Hannah relayed all of this to me, absolutely fuming at Ron. I was heartbroken at what I heard.

When I confronted Ron about this, he was shocked. He called up Hannah to find the truth who then denied that she said anything of the like to me. I cut off Hannah because whilst I appreciate what she told me (she put her friendship with Rachel on the line), her lying to Ron when that was the chance to confront him with what she alleges is the truth, was at my expense. It broke me and Ron.

Hannah to this day maintains that Ron did say those things, and she claims Ron and Rachel agreed to not tell me the truth, knowing that it would hurt my feelings. She claims they have admitted this in front of her. It is just so far from my reality of Ron that it crushes me everyday. I broke up with him because I spent months trying to piece together the truth - Ron claiming it is all a lie, Hannah claiming he is ofc going to lie to me and has admitted this to her personally, and Rachel blocked me at some point because she didn't want to get involved and didn't want me to ask her for the truth. It drove me insane.

Im heartbroken because I'm going through a breakup now that I never wanted - we were so good together, but I cannot trust or forgive Ron. Not least because everytime I get close to it, or he apologises to me for this situation that exploded, Hannah's words are etched in my head that 'Ron will never be honest with me because he and Rachel agreed not to.'

Frankly, the breakup is 30% of my pain right now. The other 70% is reeling from what feels like my reality to be broken:

1. Ron vs Hannah's extremely polar opposite accounts messed with my head for months. How will I ever know which version is right.
2. What Ron said about our relationship (allegedly) is so different to my experience of it. It was entirely a 50:50 relationship and he was the one who said he wanted this to lead to marriage. Only for Hannah to relay that he is dating me for convenience because I am still here after 6 years of knowing him, but that he has suppressed feelings for Rachel and tried to give her another shot. I couldn't believe it.

My reality is warped. I can't get over the rage and hurt I feel with never knowing the truth - did Ron betray me, did he not. Was what we had real, I will never know. I broke up with him because I couldn't make peace with not knowing if he broke my trust or didn't, but I miss him endlessly because we had it so good. I can't tell if he is a pathological liar (Hannah's view) or has had his words misconstrued (deep down, I feel like he did say those things. Because who wakes up one day and makes this rumour? and how else could Hannah have been SO angry at Ron on my behalf? and even the thought of him having put our relationship on the line like this, makes me resent him).

I don't know how to heal from lies and betrayal when I don't even know how deep the betrayal actually is, and I don't know what my reality is. I'm just sobbing everyday at what feels like enough people having messed with my head. Advice is so welcome :(

​

tl;dr: my now ex bf (Ron) who I had dated for 4 years and knew for 6 years allegedly told his ex girlfriend (Rachel) that he had feelings for her still and was dating me for convenience. I got word of this through our mutual friend (Hannah). Ron claims nothing of the like was said. Hannah claims him and Rachel have a pact to lie to me so that him and I don't break up. How do I make peace with my warped reality?

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* This article was originally published here

How to keep a healthy sex life with a partner that bring home his work stress?

My partner and I (both 23M) have been together for several years. We both graduated college last year, and he started a full time job that has him leaving every morning around 7am and getting home around 6pm. I’m currently halfway through graduate school and working about 25-30 hours a week for my practicum. It isn’t too bad in terms of my workload with school + practicum. However, my partner is always running on empty by the time he gets home. He doesn’t have the energy or the desire to have sex or participate in any kind of sexual intimacy. I am constantly disappointed with every day that passes that we don’t share that moment of connection and closeness for weeks at a time.

I’ve spoken to him about this several times ensuring that he never feels attacked during the conversation. My intention is always to make him aware of my feelings and ask for his help in finding a solution or a compromise. His response is almost always that he’ll do better or try harder or work on enforcing better work-life boundaries for himself. It’s to the point where I am over hearing apologies. He doesn’t need to apologize, I’ve made this clear. He isn’t doing something bad or wrong. At this point, apologizing is nothing more than an unproductive, unnecessary thing to say. I want him to hear that his partner is feeling like the relationship is not being taken care of the way it should be, and I care enough to seek out his help in bringing that beautiful life back to our aging relationship. We are just too young to be this old.

I am now finding myself getting angry with him over stupid things, and it is taking a lot of self-restraint to make sure I do not act on my unwarranted feelings. For example, he had a wet dream the other night and came in his sleep. I woke up as he was cleaning the bed off, and he told me what happened. Suffice it to say that I was immediately overcame with anger and was screaming to myself in my head, “Great, so he’ll get off in his sleep, but he won’t with me when he’s awake. How convenient!”. Obviously, I did not tell him this, and I’m not going to get mad at him for having a wet dream. It’s not like he can control when that happens. But, it made me feel unnecessarily upset regardless. I had to excuse myself from the room and make sure I was relaxed before I spoke to him again. I know that feeling this way is not good, and I don’t want to feel like this. But, I’m at a loss when it comes to navigating this problem any further. It seems like I just get more and more disappointed and frustrated the more our relational needs are pushed to the side.

Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate this? Has anyone had a similar problem to my partner, how did you work through it? If you were in my position, what helped you? I’m really reaching for straws at this point because I don’t want our relationship to suffer. However, it is really begin to affect me to constantly tell my partner how I’m feeling, and nothing changes.

TLDR: My partner has no energy for sexual intimacy because of his work stress. After multiple conversations discussing this over the past 6-8 months, I am still left feeling unheard and the situation remains unresolved. I no longer know what to do to improve the state of my relationship, and it seems like my partner is unlikely to change anytime soon. Please help me bring life back to my relationship.

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* This article was originally published here