7 Ways To Be More Spontaneous In Your Relationship MissMalini
* This article was originally published here
Monday, July 4, 2022
Sunday, July 3, 2022
My (25F) wife (29F) is in love with another woman
Background: My wife and I have been together for 4 years and got married last August, best days of our lives, couldn't have been happier, we were living an amazing life that we had built together. We tried IVF from November to April this year with my wife as the carrier, unfortunately after six times this didn't work. We decided to hold off over the summer and maybe think about it later in the year, obviously the whole situation had a huge impact on my wife - I supported her through the process but she said it felt like she was less of a woman which is awful and the reason why we decided to take a break.
Main: We've always spoken about potentially trying ethical non-manogamy but with strict boundaries in place to make sure we were both happy and secure, even before we got married this has come up in conversation. The opportunity presented itself to my wife when she met another lesbian at our gym (we frequently go to gym classes) and started a conversation, soon leading to adding on Facebook and so on. My wife asked if I would be happy to allow the non-manogamy now and I agreed as we had put boundaries in place, the other lesbian woman also knew about the situation. Note: I knew my wife would have resented me if I didn't approve, she's even said this before, so I felt like I had to approve in order for us to stay together (but also it was fun for me so not all negative).
A month down the line, it's obviously they have a lot in common and my wife smiles when she receives texts from this other woman - I'm a little jealous but focusing on my own dating/sex so it wasn't a problem, the difference being I was chatting to a few people and not just focusing on one person but at the time I didn't think much of it. My wife also reassured me that I had nothing to worry about and that this woman wasn't a threat to our marriage (lol). However, I could tell things were becoming different and my wife started to become more hesitant about telling me certain things - she would start talking of this woman quite highly and got concerned.
My wife and I had a planned holiday to France last week for a long weekend with some of her family, I decided to bring our checkpoint discussion about the ENM situation forward to when we got back from France after 4-days. However, throughout the entire holiday she was sneaking away to call this other woman most nights and as anyone would in my situation I looked at their messages one night and let...me...tell....you... My heart broke in two. My wife had lied and crossed every possible boundary that was set, even talking to this other woman about our own, personal sex life (between my wife and I). The other woman was messaging things like 'we have this incredible connection, I'll wait for you when you tell your wife what's been going on, we could make this work' etc.
So I somehow managed to wait until our checkpoint chat on Monday which is when my wife told me that she's in love with this other woman and that the other woman is in love with her, they care about eachother deeply and the sex is out of this world (better than ours she kindly clarified), my wife had also been romantic and wrote her notes, told her how special this other woman is to her etc. You get the idea. Anyway, after all the upset and initial shock/heartache I said in order for us to try and move forward you need to cut this other woman off 100%, no Facebook, no phone number, nothing. And she cried extremely hard, she didn't want to do it - can you believe that?! But she reluctantly did three days later after we had a couple's counselling session and the therapist basically said if you don't cut it off, your wife can't move on. Umm duh. She cut it off completely and now we're about a week down the line, but everything I've heard and seen keeps coming back and it's breaking my heart.
It's worth noting that my wife doesn't have many friends where we live, she's quite lonely which I believe has a part to play in this as well. I'm not quite sure what to do, I know my self-worth, I know I don't deserve this and that I'm a good person but do I try to make it work and stick it out? Or do I leave as my wife has cheated on me? (even if the sex was approved due to ENM, the emotional/romantic cheating was not).
TDLR: After opening up our marriage into ethical non-manogamy (ENM), my wife falls in love and emotionally cheats on me with another woman.
[link] [comments]
* This article was originally published here
Saturday, July 2, 2022
Tired of living , my mom controls me everytime . Please help
Im f(21) , my mom f (53 )
Im so tired of this life , my mom doesn’t leave a chance to destroy my determination towards something I like to do . She doesn’t allow me to go out with friends because she thinks the world is dangerous for me . She doesn’t allow me to make friends because she thinks they are fake . She tells it’s better to not have best friends because they all are fake people . Never even once she allowed me to go for school trip . When I used to see my friends going to trip that used to make me very jealous and heart broken . I have actually reached a point where life feels like meaningless to me . I feel like a robot . I still remember I cried for whole one week in my 12th grade begging mom to please allow me to go for my school trip . Nope she never allowed . She doesn’t even allow me to go out with my friends . I wanted to do uni study out of my state because I thought at least that way I can be free . But that also became a dream . Now I’m in final years of my degree . I really wish to do my master somewhere faraway from home . But my mom says no .
You know what hurts more? I have elder sister, my mon allows her for everything. She doesn’t even need to ask my mom for anything to do because in the end my mom will always support her . They always teams up together and always trolls me and make me feel stupid . I am so done with this life . I really don’t know what to do anymore . I got no determination for anything. I really wish I die .
My mom everytime defends my sister by saying that im not bold enough to make decisions for myself thats why she doesn’t allows me for anything. Is this fair? I also wish to live my life , enjoy my life ?
I really need to get this out of my heart thats why I wrote here ….. also english is not my first language so sorry for my bad English.
TL;DR : my mon controls my life , and I have reached a point where I really hate living . She stops me from everything.
[link] [comments]
* This article was originally published here
Friday, July 1, 2022
Is it normal to have emotional hiccups and insecurities in healthy relationships? Or does my partner need me to let them go to grow? (21M and 26F)
I am never one to ask for advice, especially when it comes to relationships. But this matters enough for input.
I met my current partner 'Y' inbetween the on and off periods of a 12 year toxic situationship, and developed some subtle feelings for them while they were also in some kind of controlling relationship. The reason I brushed this off was because I was 21f and they were 16m at the time. I was also their manager at work. It was just a fleeting thing.
Fast forward I'm 2 years in situationship and 'Y' integrates into my friend group. I was emotionally cheating. I resolved to meet with them to cut them off late one night completely. However, this person confessed and spoke to me in a way I had never heard before. They were honest with me and open about their thoughts and feelings. I felt as if someone was actually wanting to have a genuine relationship with me instead of me fighting for someone who didn't care.
For the first time I broke up with 'X' and am now with 'Y'. 6 months in, everything has been great. However we had our first issue. I noticed some distance between us and called it out, wanting support. They apologised for being a bad boyfriend and I did not respond or get a reply for two days. Something was wrong. I managed to meet them and they have explained they are upset because they think I'm too good for them, they are a bad parter and will hurt me if the relationship continues due to how they are feeling. But don't want to breakup. They have a habit of pushing people away when under stress which I think has been caused by a work transition recently. They were quite distraught about not knowing when they would come out of this feeling. I suggested that if we still want a relationship, to move forward for a tad longer and see how we feel. Could be a short term hurdle that I'm sure every relationship has and both of us have said we wanted long term. The day after I felt closer to them strangely and not worried or sad. I thanked them for talking and reassured them I wasn't hurt, but greatful. It was as if they were showing me their vulnerability.
I have mixed feelings about what to do or how to act now. I'm questioning if I'm too invested due to breaking off a long relationship for this one and need to make the hard decision to leave. I want this relationship to continue. I just don't know if I should:
- Take a passive approach, give them space and let them contact as they feel. Rebuilding the trust and intimacy slowly.
- Break it off now and cut contact for their good. I can't be friends or keep contact. That is my boundary.
- Take an aggressive approach and keep contacting them as normal, for intimacy and closeness.
Tl;Dr Do I support a younger male partner who doesn't want to breakup with me through times of insecurity and struggle or do I make the decision to let them go? What does he need or not need from me?
[link] [comments]
* This article was originally published here
Thursday, June 30, 2022
Wednesday, June 29, 2022
Me (32f) and husband(32m) going through a divorce
Met my soon to be ex-husband 4 years ago. We dated briefly and he broke up with me, saying we're not compatible. I was falling for him so I was really sad, but then things became complicated. Shortly after the breakup I found out I was pregnant, I let him know through his sister because he was not answering my calls, well, long story short, he came to me with a big bouquet of flowers, he said he was sorry about the breakup and that he wants us to try again. We moved in together, he proposed to me about 6-7 months after getting back together. Our son was born prematurely at 32 weeks pregnancy, emergency C-section because I developed preeclampsia. During this time then fiance was the best really. He was very supportive, I don't think I could make it without him really. He was my mental support and gave me strength. He helped me with everything, I had C-section and he even helped me take a shower etc. When our son was very little he helped a lot with everything, did his part of house chores, took care of the baby, even got up at night sometimes when baby cried, all this while working and providing money for us. When our son was 6 months old we got married. It was the happiest day of my life, I thought this is it, I finally have what I've always dreamt of, a loving husband, a baby, a true family. We agreed we wanted more kids, and we agreed I was to be stay at home mom until they were older. So when son was about one year old we tried for another baby, and we succeed at first try. This time it was a daughter, luckily it was healthy pregnancy, everything going like we planned. Except, when I was pregnant we started fighting a lot, falling apart, he was working more and more, I was tired, I felt alone and lonely, very fat and pregnant, taking care of 1,5 year old, taking care of house chores alone, because it all started changing and he wasn't as helpful as before. I guess we both failed to make each other happy, I'm not saying he's the only one to blame, but I really thought when our daughter is born, things will go back to normal. But they didn't, I started to feel even more alone and tired, I felt so so tired... We stopped having sex, we fought everyday. Every woman I had around me told me it was normal. That being pregnant, having a toddler, hormonal issues, then having newborn + toddler is exhausting and that every one of them had a hard time in their marriage during this period. I believed that. But time passed and nothing improved, we did therapy, we talked about it a lot, and nothing changed. In march he told me he want a divorce. That he doesn't love me anymore, actually he said he never loved me, that he married me because I got pregnant... I'm devastated. I begged him to not divorce, just to separate for some time, and see if that's what he really wants. He agreed. But about two months after I moved out with kids, he said he does want a divorce. I know I can't force him to stay with me. I'm just so devastated, so heartbroken. I still love him. I'm also very scared, since I am now alone with two small kids (3,5 and 1,5). I don't work. I want to go back to work in three months when kids will be attending daycare. Still I won't be making enough money to pay for everything. I'm not even sure if I earn enough to pay rent alone. He said he will give us money, he said he wants to see children etc. But I can't help feeling anxious. He said if I give him divorce without problems he will support us, but if I will try to claim it is his fault I am on my own. I don't have place to go, I don't have money saved, and I feel like I need to just do as he wants. I think there is someone else. Don't have any proof really, just a feeling. Well, his Google account was logged in on a laptop I took with me, and I once checked that, it saves Google maps locations of the phone, and I saw he was in a pub, when he said he was home, but when I accused him without thinking, he changed the password and I can't find some more proofs anymore. And I don't have money to hire a detective to check if he really was cheating on me.
What should I do now? How to move on and stop feeling depressed? I feel like I'm dead inside, just on auto pilot taking care of kids and that's it...
[link] [comments]
* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, June 28, 2022
Is my (30F) co-worker (35M) interested or just being friendly?
I've been texting a co worker pretty much non stop since Friday night. We work on the same team but different departments.
Friday night after a team event we took a train home together (it wasn't just us two, there were four of us) and he would NOT shut up about the cat. I was placating him a little throughout the journey home.
At the dinner I was talking about the drinks I was having last night for my birthday, he was in the group and said "oh sweet, text me about it"
So I was like "cool, I'll ask John* for your number and send it on" then John was like "you know he's right here, you can just have his number right now yeah?" So Tom* put his number in my phone and said "call me there" so he would have mine.
He initiated the contact Friday night saying about the cat and it's kinda gone from there.
And it's not anything too "I wanna put my dick in u" explicit but there's also been some deep messages like about his parents divorce and that life is messing him up/has messed him up a bit (no details but given some of what he's said, I'm imagining a break up of some kind) and how he's in a bit of a low and he's gonna start therapy, and like. . . .things you don't talk about with a normal Co worker?
Or in such frequency? Cos don't get me wrong. I love the other guys on my team to pieces. But we rarely text outside work. The only co-worker I regularly text outside work is someone with whom I make a lot of plans and travel on day trips with. My mind is like "he wouldn't message so much if he wasn't into you in some way?"
But also he has showed me his cat. A lot. She's a good girl.
There's never been anything explicitly flirty, but things like making some kind of way to see each other, like me cooking lasagne or him offering to help with furniture if I move, or a round of shots to see which of us can best represent our country (I'm Irish, he's Australian.)
TL;DR a co worker and I have been in pretty constant contact, and I don't know whether it's because he's interested or just as friends.
[link] [comments]
* This article was originally published here
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)