Do long-distance relationships work? FFT.ie
* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, July 6, 2022
Tuesday, July 5, 2022
My gf (F18) thinks I cheated when I didn't (M20) and is now dumping me
My girlfriend and I have been dating for roughly a month but we had been talking on and off for 3 months prior. During our talking phase, she was on tinder and was hanging out with a lot of different guys and I was on tinder as well. When we made it official, I deleted tinder and pretty much all of the girls I met from their off snap. My gf on the other hand, kept several of them on her snap because they were her "friends." I don't mind her having guy friends but the fact that she has slept with this guys and insist on still talking to them bothers me. I told her this but she insist she doesn't like that like that so I let it slide. Then yesterday, she told me she was going to be hanging out alone with one of the guys she met on tinder and has slept with. I told her I didn't like that but I trusted her. Then I did something immature. I asked one of my girl friends from highschool to hangout that day. Me and this girl were never involved romantically. I told my gf that I was going to hangout with her and she did not oppose. My girlfriend texted me pretty much the whole time to assure me nothing was happening. However, me and my friend from hs had not talked in like 3 years so we had a lot to catch up on, and as to not be disrespectful, I didn't wanna use my phone while we were talking. After an hour, I finally use the bathroom and check my phone and my gf is freaking tf. At this point I call her and realize she is positive I cheated. At this point I left my friend and went home to call her. She is sure I cheated and is now on the verge of dumping me. What I did was immature sure, but I genuinely just wanted to show her that if I did the same thing as her, she wouldn't be ok with it. I did not cheat or even get close to cheating as I would never do that. I guess I just want some advice. Do I just let her go, because convincing her seems impossible.
tldr: my gf was hanging out alone with a guy she has slept with and I got jealous so I hung out with a girl I knew in hs and she is accusing me of cheating and wanting to dump me.
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* This article was originally published here
Monday, July 4, 2022
Sunday, July 3, 2022
My (25F) wife (29F) is in love with another woman
Background: My wife and I have been together for 4 years and got married last August, best days of our lives, couldn't have been happier, we were living an amazing life that we had built together. We tried IVF from November to April this year with my wife as the carrier, unfortunately after six times this didn't work. We decided to hold off over the summer and maybe think about it later in the year, obviously the whole situation had a huge impact on my wife - I supported her through the process but she said it felt like she was less of a woman which is awful and the reason why we decided to take a break.
Main: We've always spoken about potentially trying ethical non-manogamy but with strict boundaries in place to make sure we were both happy and secure, even before we got married this has come up in conversation. The opportunity presented itself to my wife when she met another lesbian at our gym (we frequently go to gym classes) and started a conversation, soon leading to adding on Facebook and so on. My wife asked if I would be happy to allow the non-manogamy now and I agreed as we had put boundaries in place, the other lesbian woman also knew about the situation. Note: I knew my wife would have resented me if I didn't approve, she's even said this before, so I felt like I had to approve in order for us to stay together (but also it was fun for me so not all negative).
A month down the line, it's obviously they have a lot in common and my wife smiles when she receives texts from this other woman - I'm a little jealous but focusing on my own dating/sex so it wasn't a problem, the difference being I was chatting to a few people and not just focusing on one person but at the time I didn't think much of it. My wife also reassured me that I had nothing to worry about and that this woman wasn't a threat to our marriage (lol). However, I could tell things were becoming different and my wife started to become more hesitant about telling me certain things - she would start talking of this woman quite highly and got concerned.
My wife and I had a planned holiday to France last week for a long weekend with some of her family, I decided to bring our checkpoint discussion about the ENM situation forward to when we got back from France after 4-days. However, throughout the entire holiday she was sneaking away to call this other woman most nights and as anyone would in my situation I looked at their messages one night and let...me...tell....you... My heart broke in two. My wife had lied and crossed every possible boundary that was set, even talking to this other woman about our own, personal sex life (between my wife and I). The other woman was messaging things like 'we have this incredible connection, I'll wait for you when you tell your wife what's been going on, we could make this work' etc.
So I somehow managed to wait until our checkpoint chat on Monday which is when my wife told me that she's in love with this other woman and that the other woman is in love with her, they care about eachother deeply and the sex is out of this world (better than ours she kindly clarified), my wife had also been romantic and wrote her notes, told her how special this other woman is to her etc. You get the idea. Anyway, after all the upset and initial shock/heartache I said in order for us to try and move forward you need to cut this other woman off 100%, no Facebook, no phone number, nothing. And she cried extremely hard, she didn't want to do it - can you believe that?! But she reluctantly did three days later after we had a couple's counselling session and the therapist basically said if you don't cut it off, your wife can't move on. Umm duh. She cut it off completely and now we're about a week down the line, but everything I've heard and seen keeps coming back and it's breaking my heart.
It's worth noting that my wife doesn't have many friends where we live, she's quite lonely which I believe has a part to play in this as well. I'm not quite sure what to do, I know my self-worth, I know I don't deserve this and that I'm a good person but do I try to make it work and stick it out? Or do I leave as my wife has cheated on me? (even if the sex was approved due to ENM, the emotional/romantic cheating was not).
TDLR: After opening up our marriage into ethical non-manogamy (ENM), my wife falls in love and emotionally cheats on me with another woman.
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, July 2, 2022
Tired of living , my mom controls me everytime . Please help
Im f(21) , my mom f (53 )
Im so tired of this life , my mom doesn’t leave a chance to destroy my determination towards something I like to do . She doesn’t allow me to go out with friends because she thinks the world is dangerous for me . She doesn’t allow me to make friends because she thinks they are fake . She tells it’s better to not have best friends because they all are fake people . Never even once she allowed me to go for school trip . When I used to see my friends going to trip that used to make me very jealous and heart broken . I have actually reached a point where life feels like meaningless to me . I feel like a robot . I still remember I cried for whole one week in my 12th grade begging mom to please allow me to go for my school trip . Nope she never allowed . She doesn’t even allow me to go out with my friends . I wanted to do uni study out of my state because I thought at least that way I can be free . But that also became a dream . Now I’m in final years of my degree . I really wish to do my master somewhere faraway from home . But my mom says no .
You know what hurts more? I have elder sister, my mon allows her for everything. She doesn’t even need to ask my mom for anything to do because in the end my mom will always support her . They always teams up together and always trolls me and make me feel stupid . I am so done with this life . I really don’t know what to do anymore . I got no determination for anything. I really wish I die .
My mom everytime defends my sister by saying that im not bold enough to make decisions for myself thats why she doesn’t allows me for anything. Is this fair? I also wish to live my life , enjoy my life ?
I really need to get this out of my heart thats why I wrote here ….. also english is not my first language so sorry for my bad English.
TL;DR : my mon controls my life , and I have reached a point where I really hate living . She stops me from everything.
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, July 1, 2022
Is it normal to have emotional hiccups and insecurities in healthy relationships? Or does my partner need me to let them go to grow? (21M and 26F)
I am never one to ask for advice, especially when it comes to relationships. But this matters enough for input.
I met my current partner 'Y' inbetween the on and off periods of a 12 year toxic situationship, and developed some subtle feelings for them while they were also in some kind of controlling relationship. The reason I brushed this off was because I was 21f and they were 16m at the time. I was also their manager at work. It was just a fleeting thing.
Fast forward I'm 2 years in situationship and 'Y' integrates into my friend group. I was emotionally cheating. I resolved to meet with them to cut them off late one night completely. However, this person confessed and spoke to me in a way I had never heard before. They were honest with me and open about their thoughts and feelings. I felt as if someone was actually wanting to have a genuine relationship with me instead of me fighting for someone who didn't care.
For the first time I broke up with 'X' and am now with 'Y'. 6 months in, everything has been great. However we had our first issue. I noticed some distance between us and called it out, wanting support. They apologised for being a bad boyfriend and I did not respond or get a reply for two days. Something was wrong. I managed to meet them and they have explained they are upset because they think I'm too good for them, they are a bad parter and will hurt me if the relationship continues due to how they are feeling. But don't want to breakup. They have a habit of pushing people away when under stress which I think has been caused by a work transition recently. They were quite distraught about not knowing when they would come out of this feeling. I suggested that if we still want a relationship, to move forward for a tad longer and see how we feel. Could be a short term hurdle that I'm sure every relationship has and both of us have said we wanted long term. The day after I felt closer to them strangely and not worried or sad. I thanked them for talking and reassured them I wasn't hurt, but greatful. It was as if they were showing me their vulnerability.
I have mixed feelings about what to do or how to act now. I'm questioning if I'm too invested due to breaking off a long relationship for this one and need to make the hard decision to leave. I want this relationship to continue. I just don't know if I should:
- Take a passive approach, give them space and let them contact as they feel. Rebuilding the trust and intimacy slowly.
- Break it off now and cut contact for their good. I can't be friends or keep contact. That is my boundary.
- Take an aggressive approach and keep contacting them as normal, for intimacy and closeness.
Tl;Dr Do I support a younger male partner who doesn't want to breakup with me through times of insecurity and struggle or do I make the decision to let them go? What does he need or not need from me?
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* This article was originally published here
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