My friend ghosts me a lot, and I'm hurt, what do I do?

Friend: gender male, age 21 Me: gender nonbinary, age 21 Relationship length : 2 years

Context: I have severe anxiety and rejection sensitivity disorder due to being neglected and abused as a child Me and friend are 21 and we study the same course, we are on 3rd year and know each other 2 years

The first thing: my friend has this thing where he doesn't respond for a week sometimes or when I write to him he responds few days later. And it was OK for a while, he told me that this is normal for him. But I started to feel pushed back when I saw that he reads group chats, it made me wonder - his reason for not responding is that he needs like a timeout, but then why read group chats? I wouldn't overthink it so much but sometimes I need to talk because I'm feeling very bad and I just miss my friend because we haven't seen each other for a while. He usually doesn't respond or says he was busy which ok understandable, but there was so many of being busy that I'm starting to think it's not just that. Now don't get me wrong I don't call everyday or even every week. Yeah I text a lot, I'm very lonely because I live in toxic household and need some genuine human connection, so I like to send memes, photos of my animals, ask what's up and vent a bit about how I feel. I don't know maybe it's too much???

I was going on with it for 2 years, but everytime he didn't respond in few days i started over thinking a lot and I just felt like my brain is on fire from all this constant fear of being left out. I usually kept it in, almost never told him how bad it is because I know its my problem and guilt tripping won't do any good. Yeah sometimes in joking manor I said I was worried that something happened but never in accusatory tone.

But last few weeks I broke. I can't take this anymore. I have other friends, not such close ones but I talk to them about my feelings too because I don't want to overburden people because I know I can be too much. A lot friends including me have some exams to retake, my friend also had one which he has to pass to go on next year. I have one too but if I fail I can go further but its gonna be very hard with extra subject aka a but of stress is on everyone. This resulted in none of my friends talking to me for week or 2. Wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that I live in the country with toxic family.

That silence broke me, I had to come back to xanax because it was all to much and even though friend wrote the exam and saud it went well he only wrote to me once (it's been a week) and it's not like I want to write everyday, but like... I needed to talk, I needed help but he didn't answer my call (not the first time, a few times it happened actually). I wrote that I'm sorry I had super panic attack and I took xanax to help. Silence. So I just said to myself f_ck it. I don't want to be immature but I'm going to do that to all of my friends. I will not answer to any of them for 2 weeks and just ignore all of them.

I'm also doing it because I'm starting to rethink should I even have those friends since they cause so much pain in me. But then I would be alone and still had to see them everyday in class. I feel like I'm more invested in keeping up friendship then any of them and it hurts so much. I just want my friend back but I can't keep functioning like that. Him ghosting me from time to time because he doesn't feel like talking to responding or showing that he cares. I don't know anymore if he does. He said multiple times that he just won't ghost me and leave suddenly but I don't think he likes me as much as I like him.

It hurts so much, being alone, without anybody to talk to or help, feeling like a constant burden to everybody for texting /calling and them scarcely responding. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to have friends and not feel sh**ty all the time. Please help me i can't anymore live like this.

TL;DR! I have anxiety, my friend is very bad at responding to me especially when I need help with my mental health and I need to change that because idk how long we can be friends like that

submitted by /u/Otherwise_Product_62
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Are we (29F, 31M) too different? TW mental health, longpost

I will preface this by saying I (29F) struggle with anxiety and depression following my childhood. I have sought therapy and continue to do so but I need to vent and ask for advice because you all give takes on things I never would have thought about.

I met my boyfriend about 2 years ago, through a mutual friend that I had a previous fling with. We connected through dinner dates at my and his parents place and began dating. He has been by my side despite my struggles at my previous job of many years and we agree on a lot of topics and can have good conversations.

I am an animal lover, I always have been and always will be. I have had both of my cats for almost 9 years now. My boyfriend and I got a dog last year and he reluctantly let me get another dog a few months back. All of our pets are shelter pets. Our cats are incredibly needy. One of them is almost always physically glued to me or yowling for attention. The other is constantly in your food or yowling for pets. The first dog is chill and doesn't need much attention. The second dog is a bit of a problem. She is quite affectionate and always wants attention. She battles for affection with the cats. She is difficult to take on walks as she is dog reactive on leash. My boyfriend has expressed multiple times that he hates her. I love this dog. I see the good in her and I definitely have more respect for animals than I do most people. She needed a home. I have tried to rehome her but no one is a good fit for her thus far. She has made a lot of strides with consistent training. We have a really small house. The cats have to be confined to the basement because they are conditioned to sleeping with me at night and they keep him awake. The silly 30lb dog has to be crated now because she wants to cuddle in bed at night and my bf can't sleep. I would have 10 animals in bed with me if they were all comfortable and happy.

My boyfriend's idea of a perfect day would be playing PC video games. Uninterrupted quiet and video games. I enjoy video games but find it hard to immerse myself in them. He will get frustrated if I am watching him game and end up looking at my phone or a book instead. My take is this: if the power goes out or servers are down and you have no way to play games, what's left for you to enjoy? My perfect day would be a breezy outdoor day with all of my pets with my just talking, snacking, or staring at the sky and planning for the future.

We have amazing sex although sometimes now I feel that I have to do it instead of wanting to in order to make that dedication to our relationship. A lot of the times it doesn't feel like we see eye to eye on anything and I usually come away from discussions with tears in my eyes and silence because I don't want to rock the boat with my opinions and thoughts.

He has been really depressed the past week and talking about it tonight he blames it all on the pets and that he never has a break from them. I told him that saying that makes me feel guilty and I don't know what he wants me to do. He said he doesn't want me to feel guilty, that he is just expressing how he feels.

We share the responsibility of caring for the pets. I do litterbox duty daily and buy all of their supplies/insurance/Healthcare. He feeds the dogs at night and takes them on a 10-15 minute walk once a day. I have tried time and again to convince him the dog park is fun (I go every other day with the dogs) or try to take longer walks because it's good for the dogs and us and he says he needs more down time. Prior to getting a new job a few months ago, I was able to bring the dogs with me to work to give him a little more downtime and I can't do that anymore.

I see couples and men at the dog park and have envy when they seem like they're truly enjoying their time with their dogs. My boyfriend sometimes does show affection towards the pets but the majority of the time it is dislike and annoyance. At the dog park he is constantly just on his phone and scrolling reddit. If I see a loose animal I will stop my plans, pull over and help the animal. He would drive by without a second thought.

I also sometimes find it hard to find empathy for him. I work 40-50 hours a week with silly clients, particularly coworkers, and many naughty pets. Along with this, I am going to school full-time to get out of this field. I also pet sit on the side. He works 40 hours a week at a nice job where he can listen to music and has his own workstation.

I have expressed a few times in the past that I would love a further commitment from him. He explains that that's not his style and it has nothing to do with lack of feelings or commitment just that is worried about divorce and messy financial outcomes. I on the other hand would love to wear a ring and be married and have that lifelong promise. I still believe that there is something concrete about that kind of love. I've given up talking to him about it because it seems like our values and wants from life just don't align.

My question is, do you guys think we are too different to stay together? I have never broken up with someone but it has been on my mind a lot. Am I forcing my values onto him and being too selfish?

Thanks everyone.

tl;dr I love animals and my boyfriend of 2 years is struggling with them. He LOVES video games and I could take them or leave them. I want more traditional commitment fron a partner and he does not. Are we too different to continue our relationship?

submitted by /u/junelove93
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Why does my brother despise me?

Hello, I am looking for insight as to why my brother despises me. As of recently, I have noticed he wants nothing to do with me and everytime I look in his eyes I see hatred. The only time this is not true is if he needs something from me, he knows that all he has to do is be nice to me and seem excited to do something with me since I long for that from him. He does his best to avoid me around our small residence, he will deliberately not enter the room if I am in it and then the second I leave it he will finally come in to do what he needs(I have just realized this is a pattern that he constantly repeats). He is sabotaging furniture around our house and leaving messes everywhere. He seems apathetic and depressed. He recently got really involved with hanging around bad kids his age and they have only encouraged him to do more drugs. He is extremely addicted to drugs and it seems that is the only thing he lives for nowadays. He is depressed 24/7 unless his buddies offer to hang to with him and smoke/do other more extreme drugs. Those kids use my brother for free food/transportation(with my mothers car) and in return my brother gets weed and companionship. Recently, he returned the car one night with damage and vehemently denied having anything to do with it. Personally, I am against drugs and he knows this, therefore I do not tolerate it in my presence and tell our mother about it when he is doing it since it’s her house. Our father, whom he has completely cut off, finally started drug testing him(he is extremely against drugs) and when he tested positive he told him that he will test him everyday, after that my brother cut him off. He treated our father like he treats me now before he cut him off.

TLDR: brother wants nothing to do with me, do not know why?

submitted by /u/RenaldoCrand
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

My (F35) boyfriend (M36) thinks we should both "settle" for each other and stop thinking we could do any better than each other

I know this is strange, but I've been with someone for four years, though for the first two it was very "options open," and we weren't exactly free to date other people, but didn't have a strong commitment bto one another either.

We moved in together after that, mostly for financial reasons, and for much of the time he would make remarks about how attractive he found other girls, how I really wasn't his "type," how we wouldn't be as serious as we were if it weren't for us living together. You get the picture.

Well, now he's done sort of a "180," if you will, but sort of not.

He wants us to commit to each other for the rest of our lives because "everyone else sucks" and "you can't trust other people" and "neither one of us will ever do any better."

How romantic, huh?

I laughed and told him to speak for himself and that no one knows what the future holds.

I've had enough of his little "dings" over the years and don't want to be with someone so belittling forever.

I can't afford to move out, but I don't want him getting any more "attached" and comfortable. I feel like that's what's driving his sudden "change of heart," if you can even call it that.

So what should I do? It's freaking me out that suddenly he's decided I should be his permanent partner, and given me pretty crummy reasons for why that should be.

TL;DR: boyfriend of 4 years trying to convince me to "settle" and I am not enthused.

submitted by /u/Puzzleheaded_Home883
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

how soon is too soon to say "I love you"?

Me (20F) and my bf (23M) have been dating for a month, but we've seen eachother a lot and I even slept at his house a couple of times already, so it feels like we've known eachother for much more time. But anyhow, Im really developing some serious feelings for him by seeing him basically everyday. I would really want to tell him I love him, but Im afraid its too soon and I never ever said it to anyone romantically. Should I tell him? When do you usually say it?

TL;DR : I feel the need to tell my bf I love him but idk if its the right time.

submitted by /u/justadumb_b
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

M(26) ghosted me (F26) after nice first date

I was talking to a guy for several weeks on a dating app before we met. We discussed our beliefs and the basic background stuff (what we do, our hobbies etc). All throughout our messaging the guy would talk about things we should do together in the future. All throughout the date, up till right before we left, he spoke as if he was planning to see me again and had enjoyed his time.

We were not physically intimate during the date other than a hug at the start and end. It did come out during our conversations that he had more relationship experience, and probably more sexual experience than me (I have never been in a relationship before). He mentioned during the day that his love language was physical touch.

He told me to text him when I got home. When I got home, I texted him, told him I enjoyed meeting him and asked him to send me a pic we had taken together that day. That was Saturday night, now it is the Monday after and he never replied. I followed up once with another text saying how I enjoyed the day and would love to meet again but if not can appreciate the day for what it was - the opportunity to explore a new place and meet a new friend.

Maybe it’s my inexperience but the ghosting has really thrown me for a loop and made me angry and unsettled. It’s so shitty to cut off contact instead of sending a simple text saying “I had fun, but I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship right now” or something to that extent. I feel like I did something wrong to warrant the ghosting, although I know I probably didn’t.

Maybe I wasn’t as physical as he hoped (I wanted to be more physical, but knowing I didn’t know him well I was very careful to hold back).

Why might this guy have ghosted me? Not being physically affectionate?

TL;DR:

Guy (M26) ghosted me (F26) after what seemed to be a very nice first date. We joked around, had similar beliefs and values, and the whole time the guy spoke as of he was planning to meet again. It came out that he had a lot more relationship experience than me, and I was not very physically affectionate during the date after he stated his love language was physical affection. Might this be why I was ghosted?

submitted by /u/Ughthisagainn
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

The big idea: why relationships are the key to existence - The Guardian

The big idea: why relationships are the key to existence  The Guardian

* This article was originally published here