Should I get back with my ex who stopped caring and broke up with me

Me (20F) and my ex (20M) broke up a couple of months ago after ~2.5 years of relationship. We were each other's first serious relationship, and we didnt really know how to make a healthy relationship. We spent every single second together, and had no life outside each other. We started to stagnate, and my ex started to put less and less effort, and stopped caring about my feelings as much. This would frustrate me and would drive me to become maybe a little controlling. He was also quite immature at times. In the last few months of our relationship, he just stopped caring and eventually he stonewalled me and ghosted me for 6 days, and was quite rude to me when I needed him the most. We then decided to break up because things just werent working, for me it was mostly because i felt he didnt care about me. And for him it was mostly because he lost interest. The breakup was rough, and he quite quickly tried to get back with me. I was however still really hurt by what he did, and everyone around me was telling me not to get back with him. So i didnt, but i proceeded to feel scared that i had made the wrong choice for about a month. I then contacted him, and we have started talking again. He really seems like he wants to put a lot of effort in to make this work, and he's realized what he did wrong and what went wrong the first time around and so have I. I really want to give him a chance to show me that he cares, but I haven't told my friend or family that we are talking again. I'm scared that they'll tell me not to get back with him. Should I get back with him after he basically didnt give a shit about my feelings? TL;DR: After a 2year relationship, my ex broke up with me, now I am considering getting back with him.

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i (18F) am scared my online match (19M) won’t like how i look IRL

TLDR - might be going on a first date with an online match soon and i’ve convinced myself i don’t look like my pictures and he’ll be disgusted by me, and i want to know if this is irrational.

hi guys - i’m 18F, bisexual, and about to go on my first date with a man. i’ve been on one date before, with a woman, but that was after we had met in person and i kind of convinced myself she didn’t actually like me since she was drunk when she showed interest in me but i digress. i’m a really insecure person. i’ve done a lot of work over the years and feel secure that i’m an interesting and kind person with goals and passions and hobbies and humours and i don’t think i’m entirely ugly. i know how to look good in pictures but i feel like my pictures don’t show my major insecurities which are my weight (i’m chubby, thick thighs and a fair bit of stomach, but i’m straight-size. kind of a middle ground that causes a lot of body dysmorphia lol) and my teeth which have some discolouration and chipping from enamel problems and just like. are uneven and look awful in pictures. but my social media/dating profiles dont show that, and i know no one highlights their insecurities in online posts, but i feel like this particular shame about it, like i owe a warning to anyone who shows interest in me.

ANYWAY, i matched with this guy in december and he’s the only person from these apps that i’ve actually held an interesting conversation with. we lost touch during my situationship with the aforementioned girl but reconnected in late january and have been talking wayyy more in the past month. he’s so wonderful, had the coolest tattoos and stuff, isn’t a creep, has amazing hobbies and really similar values. i really really like him. and i think he’s asked me out for next week but i’m scared shitless that he’ll be disgusted by me in person. he just seems so out of my league and i want to tell him about my insecurities but i don’t want to draw attention to them because maybe he won’t fixate on them if i don’t. but i’m just so scared because i already know i’ll be a nervous wreck on the day and feeling insecure would amplify that so much more. but he seems interested in me and has liked my instagram stories that show my full body but obviously not side angles, stretch marks, the full picture so i dunno. maybe he knows i’m not particularly skinny and just doesn’t care. this is kind of a mindless ramble so i’m sorry. i guess i just want to jnow if this is an irrational anxiety

thank you

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I 31M being approached by 24F

I’ve noticed dating has been a lot easier my age (in terms of them approaching first and actually wanting a relationship). In my 20’s I wasn’t getting anything except rejections, I’d even go as far as I had a hate for women internally.

This 24 year old approached me at a coffee shop outside my work and was really interested in me and asked for my number at the end of our conversation. I told her to give me hers and I’d contact her (which I didn’t). I still sort of hate women to be honest. Why were girls rejecting me all throughout my 20’s when I was really looking for a relationship and not just hook up ?

TDLR - 24f approached me at coffee shop and asked for my number. I took hers instead

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Time to forge relationships within our world - The Scottish Farmer

Time to forge relationships within our world  The Scottish Farmer

* This article was originally published here

He’s slowly fading away

Hi everyone,

just need some advice on a situation. The guy (m38) I‘ve (f31) been seeing has been slowly fading away. Or at least it feels that way. He’s not initiating as much anymore, he barely has time. He’s extremely busy and has family stuff going on, but it kinda starts to feel personal at this stage. He’s climbing up the career ladder at the moment, working at least 12 hours a day managing a site with 300 employees. He also started working as an independent consultant, which has been taking off a lot quicker than he expected and takes up more time than he initially intended to. On top of that he divorced about 1.5 years ago and spends as much time as possible with his son (8). I understand he’s extremely busy and I love that he always puts his son first. I also understand that with everything going on we see each a lot less. But it bothers me that he barely even contacts me anymore when we don’t get to see each other. I tried to talk to him about it. He basically said he completely understand how I’m feeling and told me that his feelings for me haven’t changed. But he‘s completely overwhelmed with everything at the moment and it’s all getting too much. Not me, he keeps assuring his feelings haven’t changed, but his life in general. He feels like he doesn’t have time for himself anymore and it’s all getting too much. He knows he needs to step back. Basically he keeps saying he doesn’t want to give me up in any kind of tldr way, the issue is with himself. I don’t know how to deal with the situation to be honest. Give him space? Accept he’s too busy? Sorry for the bad English, it’s not my first language

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My partner is frequently overwhelmed and I don't know how to help

Apologies for the word vomit

My GF (27; AuDHD) and I (29; OCD) have been going through a lot recently that has been built up over about several years of us being together which largely stems from me not supporting her while she really needed me and she then blamed herself/made excuses for me not supporting her. After broaching these feelings with me several months ago, I've been extremely unsure on what to do/how to help because acknowledging/expressing emotions are so foreign to me - that being said, they are equally foreign to her, except she had the strength to bring it up with me, whereas I still really struggle with emotions/feelings and empathising with her.

She is constantly overwhelmed with her job, her family, her health, and me all triggering her. For me being so dismissive of emotions/feelings and finding it so hard to empathise and offer useful support I ask often a lot of questions to get a picture of the situation (primarily offer a solution, rather than comfort); if I don't ask, then I don't understand? But, the relentless question asking is also triggering for her (or the relentless asking of the wrong questions), and after several years of living together, she's sick of giving me instructions on what to do for her/to help her and answers to how she feels for example.

She is so fucking tired of carrying all the incredible amount of trauma and stress and strain of her life that she doesn't have the energy to carry mine as well and tell me what to do to help her, because even if she does and I do it, that's not genuine.

So, I'm at a crossroads. I still don't understand what to do/how to help in so many situations and I feel like if I ask, then that's going to make her feel worse and more triggered and more upset. But if I don't ask and just do something (or nothing..) that I don't know will work, and it doesn't, then isn't that worse? <-- The inner dilemma that goes through my mind every day. I'm going to therapy to try to dissect that and understand why I'm like this, which is very helpful, but I need to DO something. I have zero actions because I don't know what to do or how to do it or when to do it.

TL;DR I'm an extremely emotionally dismissive person with severe issues with empathy and compassion for my GF struggling with her trauma/stress/anxiety/mental health. I can't sit on the sidelines telling her that I'm learning about X, but then doing fucking nothing while she collapses in from the weight of her trauma and stress. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, but I overthink everything and just don't know how to help and I feel so fucking awful.

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I still cant forgive myself (25F) for breaking up with my ex (35M)

I said in a previous post how and why I broke up with my(25f) ex (35M) and its still hurting and causing me anxiety every day. I feel like everyday i remember a moment where i ve been mean or unfair with him.

I broke up with him because he was screaming during arguments and punched a wall. I broke up because in my mind i told myself people that love you don't make you cry or cause you panic attacks during fights. But now, being single again and looking at people around me, i realize that my partner had so many qualities that other people don't have, and that i ve probably been too sensitive and overthinking.

I was mean to him so many times, its no wonder he was loosing patience and screaming at me. I was criticizing him for smoking weed, i was complaining he's always late and that he doesn't answer my texts or that i feel alone. But i forgot how we was doing all this stuff for me, he never asked me to cook anything, or to clean, he was taking me out to eat everyday, whenever i wanted to go on a trip he would say yes, he gave me flowers every month, he surprised me whenever had a chance, always complimenting me so why was I always complaining like a spoiled child. Why did I cry every time he yelled at me instead of fighting like an adult. Of course he was yelling at me if i was always upset and complaining about stuff. Maybe its something wrong with me because i cry easily, maybe it was my fault i was having panic attacks because i cant control my emotions. I hear all the time from other people how partners scream during fights, if im quiet and dont talk its also bad since it doesnt solve the situation.

I see all these people and I dont find anyone better than my ex. He was treated me like a Queen when i wasnt starting arguments and now the treats like this another girl.

Of course he moved on from me in a month when I never provided anything for him, but he did so many things for me. And what bothers me the most its that im so upset and hurt, and blame myself for something i did myself: I broke up with him. Of course he didn't want to get back together when I tried to resolve our issue, why would he?

What i don't understand is why he came back 2 months after being with another girl (23F) saying he loves me and that i never called him to apologize for breaking up with him when I know i insisted for a month to get back together. He told me its my fault he s with someone else because this girl gave him attention, unlike me, and i cant stop blaming myself because i remember i was cold towards him. Whenever he screamed at me and even after punching the wall, I was more distant, I resented him, I kept telling myself he doesn't love me so i wasn't so affectionate.

But i forgot how i've told myself at the beginning he was a gift from God and i took him for granted.

I blame myself for the times i was being mean with him, telling him we're not compatible and making him tell me he's thinking about hurting himself and having suicidal thoughts because of me. And i blame myself for comparing our relationship with others relationship saying their boyfriends dont scream at these girls, when I ignored the fact that their boyfriends they're also not so romantic and nice like mine.

Tl;dr: I still cant forgive myself (25F) for breaking up with my ex (35M)

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