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Sunday, June 11, 2023

Boyfriend [24M] doesn't really support me [24F] in my hobby

A bit of a weird argument I'm having with my bf.

We have been on and off long distance for 2.5 years now while he completes his degree abroad. The last time we met physically was a year ago, so we manage by video calling, sending photos of our day, watching movies, etc.

I dance for a hobby and maybe once or twice a month I'll send him a video of a choreography I worked on, or a cover I did of somebody else's choreo. I only send him ones that I'm really really happy with, because he's not much into dancing and I don't want to force my hobby onto him. I just thought it would be nice to show him clips I'm really happy with.

He watches my videos on mute... because he says the type of music (usually pop, hip hop) is not his style and he just doesn't like the songs. But he says he really appreciates my dancing and says I keep improving.

Bear in mind, my clips are maximum 3 mins long-- but usually just 1 minute. Again, I only send him a clip like once a month.

I told him that him muting my videos is absolutely ridiculous because it's literally just one minute of audio. The whole point of my dancing is that it syncs to the music. I put effort into making sure the music comes to life through my dancing so what's the point? I'm not a mime. Lol

He composes music for a hobby so he is very picky about music and I know he's more informed than me in terms of what constitutes a good beat, lyrics, etc. I get that. I do. But is it that painful for him to suck it up and listen to 1 minute of a generic pop song to support me?

He says that I'm forcing him to do something that he doesn't want to-- I.e listen to music he doesn't want to. I said okay. Then I'll just stop sending you clips of my hobby. He said that's fine with me.

When he sends me clips of his music, I listen all the way through even if it isn't what I normally listen to. He is incredibly talented and I try to support him as best as I can. Is it unfair of me to expect him to support me in that way? Or am I just forcing him to support my hobby? Being in a LDR I thought something like this would just make sense but now I don't know anymore.

TLDR; I send my bf videos of my hobby, dancing. He watches these videos on mute and does not understand why I find that ridiculous. I feel like I'm crazy.

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* This article was originally published here

Saturday, June 10, 2023

19m - my new gf, 20f, wants to go on holiday with her ex as friends

I recently got into a relationship with a girl who just came out of one. They had booked a holiday today and couldn't cancel it, so are talking about just going as friends. She asked if I'd be okay with it to which I said no, I would probably end the relationship. She is upset that I am not letting her continue her friendship with the ex (btw I wouldn't have a issue with them seeing each other for like coffee or something) Am I in the wrong?

Tldr - my new gf wants to holiday with her ex as friends and is upset I don’t want her to

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* This article was originally published here

Friday, June 9, 2023

My gf (23F) is pissed that I (25M) cheated, but I was DRUNK when I did it

So I ended up sleeping with a Woman while drunk and told my gf bc honesty is the best policy and she IMMIDIETLY dumps me hangs up the phone, and about 20 minutes later she comes by to get all of her stuff, and when trying to explain to her she just ignores me, and once she's done packing leaves the house.

I think this is super unfair yeah I cheated, but I was drunk and out of my mind. She could have easily talked to me about this and we could make some kind of deal, but instead she was stubborn about it and couldn't be understanding I was willing to have a conversation and she wasn't. Was what I did that deep? I was super drunk and was surprised when I had woke up the next morning

tl;dr slept with a Woman when drunk and gf dumped me without even trying to talk it out

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* This article was originally published here

Thursday, June 8, 2023

Crap, I (27M) miss my Ex(27F)

TL;DR Im maried but i missed my ex after a facebook notification for her birthday popped up.

Im married to my wife (27F) of 3 years with a 1y/o child.

So today is my Ex's birthday so a notification popped up on facebook. This causes a tidal wave of emotion memories and many things. I love my wife and cherish my marriage, and I'd hate for this to affect what i have.

I hate that i miss my Ex. I know its probably a fleeting thing but it seems every other month or year these feelings surface up and i cant bare myself to discuss this with my wife.

Perhaps there are unresolved things ? I dont know. I could really use some help . Cheers.

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* This article was originally published here

Tuesday, June 6, 2023

Advice on halted relationships

This will be a long one so strap in.

TL;DR - Me and my boyfriend (32M 32F) have been together 3 yrs, everything is otherwise affectionate (cuddles, kisses, stroking my body etc) but the sex stopped after 9 months of being together. He still avidly watches porn a few times a week, just for context (not just videos, he was paying for OF as well, but has stopped it seems).

It all started great on the relationship part until his parent died of a long term illness, around the time we stopped being phyiscal and we moved to his home town in washington to be closer to his family, as we were long distance before.

My OH struggles with his mental health and this (obviously) made it worse, of course it would. He has also gained some weight and has health issues as a result, making him not want to go and do things together because his body hurts too much. I feel broken, lonely and self conscious, i’ve cried to him more than once, told him how the no sex, but porn watching is really affecting me and i dont feel wanted and i don’t feel like we’re really together and he just says he’s not in the mood for sex, his back is painful, and he hates himself and the world. He says i love you so much, i couldn’t do life without you but i’m sorry i just can’t be intimate with you rn.

It’s been a year and a half and we have had sex a couple of times, even though it didn’t feel like he wanted too, more to to keep me happy because I initiated it, after he said i don’t initiate enough. The porn watching is what really upsets me, but he doesn’t see it as a problem and in the heat of the argument said stop being jealous of girls on a screen, which he apologised for after things had calmed down. He always sees my side when we talk about it but nothing changes.

Do you think he’s just comfortable in this relationship and doesnt feel the need to break up with me or is he genuinely struggling. I moved my whole life and left my friends and family hours away to be with him and I’m struggling to know if i’m wasting my time. I know i’m probably the closest thing to answering this but i need outside opinion. I’ve been cheated on before and struggle with trust and my own self confidence so i’m on the fence about whether it’s genuinely over between us, but he knows how to say the right things to keep me here or i’m self sabotaging. Please help

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* This article was originally published here

Monday, June 5, 2023

Should I (f19) break up with my boyfriend (m19) for mild consent issues, belittling, and seeking attention from other women, or should I give him a chance?

I (19F) love my boyfriend (19M) and he has many great qualities. We’ve been together almost 2 yrs and have lived together for 1. But there are some things that are grating on me and I’m not sure if I’m being fair to him. 1. He plays around with me physically (not sexually) like poking, wrestling, etc. Which is fine with me, but it mostly ends up that he’s doing something that hurts like pinching too hard or poking too hard etc. and it actually does hurt. So I tell him to stop but he never does and keeps going further and then the only way I can get him to listen to me is if I “over-react” and fight him off. Then he gets all sulky and distant when I tell him seriously that it hurts and I don’t like it and I want him to be more gentle. Cause he just thinks I’m overreacting. And when I bring this issue up to him he doesn’t really say anything to me and just gets all upset and distant. His excuse is that he doesn’t see how it could actually hurt cause he’s not doing anything serious. So he just doesn’t believe me??? 2. I have adhd and anxiety, which I understand can be hard for my partner to deal with. And I understand if he gets “burned out” by my constant forgetfulness or clumsiness or messiness. But he belittles me by “subtly teasing me” all the time. And although it’s said jokingly, it’s not actually a joke. And it makes me feel like a burden. We’ve talked about this, and he apologizes for belittling me so much, he says that he gets burned out by me and doesn’t express that properly. And he says he just needs to deal with the fact that I take “work” to be with. But he apparently still love me so much and thinks I’m great and doesn’t want me to feel bad about myself. But I feel like his actions and words don’t always align. 3. He doesn’t put any romantic effort into our relationship. And tbh I don’t really either, but occasionally I do try to plan dates and get him nice things. But he almost never reciprocates the romantic gestures. He is really sweet and loving in a regular setting and when we spend time together day to day he’s always doing the right things. But he doesn’t seem to try for more than that. 4. He just generally seems fed up with me sometimes. He’ll say things like “I need to remember to let you speak cause I always know what you’re going to say” or “you’re just weak, and you’re probably going to die young cause you’re just so afflicted, idk why I’m with you if you’re just going to die early” (which I’m not btw) or “you’re not much to look at, but I love you and you’re beautiful”. And whenever he says some mean shit and he senses I don’t like it he suddenly goes “we’ll wait, let me think if that’s true” and then he comes up with some more palatable bs. 5. He also has a sort of flirty personality and loves attention (from everyone but especially girls) and he goes out of his way to get attention from girls in group settings. And although he doesn’t really step over any boundaries, seeing what that attention does to him really icks me out. In every other way he’s great and he is really nice and thoughtful for the most part. But these things are getting to me and I’m not sure what to make of the situation. Please help me figure out how to view the situation and what you think I should do (break up, have a serious talk, give him a chance, etc). How much of this is normal?

TLDR: my (f19) boyfriend (m19) is great for the most part, very understanding and loving and we get along well. But I have some issues with him such as consent issues, belittling me, seeming fed up with me, and being flirty/attention seeking from other women. And I’m not sure what to do about it (should I just break up with him or give him a chance) or how much of it is normal.

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* This article was originally published here