House Call: Want longevity? Nurture your relationships. - The Spokesman Review

House Call: Want longevity? Nurture your relationships.  The Spokesman Review

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I need advice for dating someone with a very different financial situation

I need advice for dating someone with a drastically different financial situation

I'm 27F, he's 34M. We've been dating a little over a month, and finances have come up in conversation a few times, and I'm unsure how to approach it or what the best way to handle it is.

Sometimes he'll complain about something, and I'll recommend he get something that might help his problem, or I'll mention something I did/bought and he'll say "I wish I could afford that." Stuff like a new keychain, or a trip to the movie theater. Not crazy expensive stuff. He also is against the idea of me paying for our dates, so we don't go out.

I knew his job doesn't pay much, but yesterday he told me he only has $2 in the bank despite getting paid 3 days earlier. I know it's none of my business, so I didn't say anything. I have about $25k saved up, have a very good job, and budget thoroughly. I also have a retirement account with a few thousand in it. We had very similar childhoods and I live very frugally, so I don't think he knows how stable I really am.

I'm just looking for advice on how to approach this relationship, how to get him to let me pay for our dates, and if I should discuss finances with him. It seems way too early for that, but I want to be able to treat him occasionally! I don't look down on him at all for his financial situation, and I don't want him to find out that I'm not struggling and start thinking I look down on him at all. I hope this doesn't come off that way, I've never really talked about money with anyone but my ex, and i was broke a few years ago before getting my job. I know I'm fortunate and very lucky, I dropped out of high school and never thought I'd be in a good place. I really like this dude and want to handle this the right way.

Tl;dr: I have a decent savings, my boyfriend is broke. How can I make this relationship work?

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I don’t know why I am so unlucky with dating and relationships

I’m quite attractive but the perpetually single one. Never been chased by a man that is kind and caring

Just trying to find a nice respectful man but I’m perpetually single and scared

When I was 25 f, I still hadn’t had my first boyfriend. All my friends were getting into relationships, whilst I only had men slightly interested in me or only wanted me for sex which I wouldn’t do with someone unless I know they wanted a relationsip.

That was until I met this man on a dating app. I’ve never had such flowing funny and flirty conversations. We had a connection which translates into a real in person connection too! We just clicked and he told me how much he fancied me (no man has ever done that.)

We became boyfriend and girlfriend and had so many fun and special times together. I had to plan all the dates as he was new to the country but I didn’t mind and it was easy for me. He was always telling me how lucky he was and that I’m special, kissing my forehead, we held hands everywhere we went. I felt so happy and confident and relaxed and looking forward to our future together. We just clicked and I was so happy doing fun things together like camping and picnics and boat trips. To have someone like me in that way too it was special and I really cared about him

But at 3 months, when he was meeting all my friends etc. something changed. All my friends are married and we’re pregnant or had children. My boyfriend asked me if I wanted kids in future and I said yes. And then he was like ‘oh no, I’m going to get a vasectomy. I didn’t realise you wanted kids one day. I fancy a child free life.’

He pulled away and became all cold and critical with me which was so upsetting as I’d fallen in love with him by that point.

At 6 months he dumped me. It broke me so much because I don’t know how I could find a partner again

And 2 years on, I still haven’t. I get constant dating app matches that lead nowhere. Men just talk to me for weeks and never ask me on a date. I get personal trainers at the gym asking me for my number, but they don’t seem like nice caring relationship type men and I don’t feel comfortable around them. I have constant men begging me to meet them for a drink, but they are guys that I know are compulsive liars or they don’t want kids or anything

I’m worried as I’m 28 now and I’m scared it’s going to get too late for me to ever have children. I really put myself out there

My male housemate the other day even said to me ‘isn’t it getting a bit late. People over the age of 30 have loads of complications in pregnancy.’

I’m even talking to a man on a dating app, we click but he’s not asking me on a date. He threw some date ideas and said ‘how about you come to me at the seaside, we play mini golf and get some fish and chips, but he’s not set a firm date for that suggestion.

I also went on a date from bumble the other day but he said he didn’t feel a connection even though the conversation was flowing

I don’t know what to do. I’ve always been the perpetually single one. I miss having a sex life too. My friends and family always wonder something is wrong with me

Me and my ex just clicked in so many ways, it just upsets me he freaked over the kids thing

I’m a very confident and friendly woman with my own things going on. Always keeping busy. I have a good sense of humour and I’m not argumentative. I’m creative and quite indie. I attract a lot of men, but only for sex and I don’t want that

tldr scared a relationship will never happen

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Do I [20M] have a chance at love if I don't have a job?

Hii! :)

I have some mental illnesses, which cause me to not be able to have a job. This might be, and probably will be a permanent thing.

This obviously means I don't have a big income at all. And I can see that being a turnoff for anyone wanting a relationship with me, which I ofcourse understand.

Is it possible to find and keep a healthy relationship, even if I don't have a big income? I am not talking about attracting golddiggers, but a stable financial situation is an attractive trait, I like to think. Does anyone have any experience with this?

TL;DR Is it possible to get and maintain a relationship without a decent income?

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My (31F) bf (26M) is super clingy and is jealous of everyone. How to proceed?

As the title states, my partner has extreme abandonment issues and is jealous and weary of every male that even looks my direction. We’ve only been together a few months (~4) and It’s become so annoying that no matter how many “promises” he makes on changing behaviour, I’m not seeing the light at the end.

He had a terrible childhood from drug addict parents, being in the system and abuse at all angles. He used to be quite obese but has lost the weight so he does struggle with self esteem issues unfortunately. When he gets into a jealous mode he is never aggressive or angry, he reverts back to a kid and mopes with his head down and even cries. It was manageable at the beginning but recently it’s been worse. I work 12 hour days at an airport in an office and my supervisor (24M) sits directly behind me. A few days ago my bf seemed very inquisitive of him, asking his age, what he looks like etc. After I answered he said “I don’t have to worry about him do I??” I was FUMING!! About a day after that him and his friend group met up with mine at a festival, he immediately singles out one of my guy friends with dirty looks, moping and asked the same sort of question! Even if there was something to worry about (absolutely not) did he expect me to just say yes?! This is basically anytime we’re in a room with a male.

In terms of the clinginess, he has been getting better after I said it was a major issue. He will literally follow me around my house like a lost puppy, is always trying to do a “good deed” for me, and when I refuse the deeds he tells me to “stop trying to be so independent”. It could be something like he’s trying to help me change the cat litter, if I say nope I’ve got this, he gets upset. I could be hovered over the stove cooking and he will try to make it some passionate movie moment, while I’m there struggling not to burn my brows off cause he’s holding me over it.

I don’t want to break up with him but I also see no actions changing at all. Is there a better way to approach this? I’m not good at consoling upset people and don’t want to come off as dismissive. Thanks and sorry for the rant 😮‍💨

TL;DR How to have the hard conversation with a clingy and jealous bf without forever upsetting him

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Jealousy and co-worker

Does anyone else get jealous over co-workers?

Myself and my partner work at the same place, a new woman started last year and she's really attractive and they speak quite a bit (nature of the job) although he speaks to others. I have been with my partner for 5 years.

In my head I don't see why he wouldn't want to be with her and in my head I've created this scenario they're close and eventually he will leave me for her and how could I work somewhere where they would be together if we did break up and how would I manage it.

It's a terribly destructive way of thinking and I find myself becoming quiet and short with him because of this scenario I've created in my head. It's not healthy for me, how do I manage it?

I've been cheated on at least 3 times in my life and wonder if it stems from that?

Tl;dr jealousy over co workers

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Shelter stress tests Healey's relationships - POLITICO - POLITICO

Shelter stress tests Healey's relationships - POLITICO  POLITICO

* This article was originally published here