My boyfriend's best friend has access to his phone!

Today my boyfriend (M, 24) (we've been dating for 5 months) told me that a certain reply to one of my texts was actually sent by his best friend (M, 24) because he has access to his phone. When I raised an alarm about this stating that it made me uncomfortable, he said that's how their equation is but now that he is aware I'm not okay with it, he'll ask his friend to not open our chats again.

He found nothing wrong in it but I felt really weird because then we don't have any privacy in what we talk about. He apologized for letting his friend access our chats and said he won't let it happen again.

Should I be bothered with this because I feel it shouldn't have been allowed to happen even once? What if it happens again and he just doesn't tell me or maybe it has happened before too? Am I overthinking and should just take his word for it?

TL;DR- My boyfriend (M,24) let his best friend (M,24) respond to my text (access our chats) and it made me feel really weird. Should this bother me if he said he won't let it happen again? It feels like a privacy concern.

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I (26F) ended my relationship with him (24M) which I truly wanted to last. How else I could’ve reacted?

I (26F) got in a relationship with him (24M) in 2021. Everything was too well in the beginning because he was giving all that attention, he understood me, showering all that love and told some of his friends about me. He’s the one who proposed, he’s the one who talked about marriage, he made all the first moves and i was into him because of this as my idea of dating is to marry. I can’t date people out of boredom, if I’m in a relationship with you, i see it in long term.

We had our shares of ups and downs, but things got worse 3 months back when i got to know about his Insta account which was deactivated even before i got in a relationship with him. I was shocked because ever since I knew him, he was using some other account, and suddenly i see a new account with around 600 followers and 300 followings on insta.

So i asked him, what is this account for and why haven’t i seen it before. He said it’s his original account which is like 5-6 years old, he deactivated this few years back and just few weeks ago he activated it again BUT he’s not using this account. It’s just existing.

This was hard to digest and i saw two of my juniors being his mutual friends (let’s call them A and B) on this account. So i texted A how she knows him? She said “he had a thing with B, so through her only i followed him”.

I was devastated because this person “B” is also my junior and my boyfriend never ever mentioned anything about her before.

We made things very clear about our pasts and i thought we’re honest with each other but he just lied and hid things from me.

I asked A to dig a little more and let me know the full story. A tells me, that he’s a guy who was always after B for hookups but she never agreed with him because she liked him and wanted something serious. And the last they talked was few weeks back on this same account.

I broke down. I was devastated and my anxiety peaked! He lied to me about his past involvements, he lied to me about not using this account, and it brought back all the past trauma i went through in my past relationship. I felt betrayed once again. I got all the screenshots from A about his last conversation with B asking for hookups and sent them to him and confronted him.

His side of story is: He just met B once few years back before i came in his life, they just kissed on the first meeting and never met again because he didn’t like her. B was always desperate and would text him in every 5-6 months out of nowhere. He was tired of shooing her away so he thought of acting desperate as B wanted something serious. So he thought if he’ll act desperate, she’ll go away eventually. He made sure to provide me with all the proves, screenshots, his passwords and what not and he did everything he could to prove his innocence which I appreciate on his part.

I believed him, and i thought of giving this another chance because he was adamant that his feelings are never wrong for me and he did what he had to.

Now even after 3 months, that insta account is still active. I asked him to delete it, not deactivate but delete it. Because now it makes me insecure and he lied to me about not using it before so I don’t trust him even if he’s saying he don’t use it. I had a discussion with him and told him that for the sake of this relationship he HAVE to leave his past people behind if he sees a future with me. That’s the least he can do after the fuck up he did. He agrees to it but on one condition that i delete my insta too.

Now idc, i can happily delete my insta. If any of my social media is creating an issue with my personal life, I’m more than happy to delete it. But then he says that i gotta delete my account first, and then he’ll delete his. This is where i lost it.

First of all, you fucked up our relationship even if your intention was not to, but you did, on top of that, you are not in any position to put conditions on me that i should delete it first. This turned into an argument and i told him that I can’t pretend each day that things are fine and I can’t happily settle with this reality that you were asking for hookups while being in a relationship with me, be your intention anything!

Each and every day is so difficult for me because I’m having issues in forgetting this. He betrayed me. I felt cheated. I’ve made you the attention of my world and you’re making me feel like an option.

My whole family also knows about him, and he couldn’t even tell B that he was in a relationship to shoo her away, instead he chose to act desperate. He didn’t tell anyone in his family about me. He never even posts about us.

Now I’m getting the tag of mental instability and insecure, immature person just because i fail to mend myself according to him. He hurt me and he’s expecting me to follow his conditions.

What the hell am I supposed to do if me arguing over this is wrong. Because to him I’m the worst person ever who doesn’t understand him and don’t act my age. To me which sounds like gaslighting and manipulation at it’s best.

I’m losing my sleep and my will to live because I’m truly broken and I don’t wish such traumas even on my worst enemy. I feel like he gives more importance to other people now rather than what i think or feel. I feel like a stranger in my own relationship.

TLDR; Boyfriend messed up and i asked for something basic to fix the issue but he’s putting conditions

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To support Israel right now, tap into deep relationships - eJewish Philanthropy

To support Israel right now, tap into deep relationships  eJewish Philanthropy

* This article was originally published here

Date Nights Keep Relationships Fresh - Next Avenue

Date Nights Keep Relationships Fresh  Next Avenue

* This article was originally published here

Am I (25F) overreacting by asking my boyfriend (28M) to delete Reddit?

TL;DR; Am I overreacting or should he respect my boundaries?

Context: Last month my boyfriend and I broke up, because I accidentally found his Reddit open and saw a number of posts he had written about me on various forums. (Just to note, I had to download Reddit to post this because I’ve never used the app before and didn’t really understand it.) The posts were quite hurtful and related to me putting on weight and losing my hair. Last year I had a big health scare, lost my hair and put on weight from the steroids, I went from a UK 8 to UK12. Something which he said never mattered and he still loved me to my face, but said I was unattractive online which broke my heart really. What hurt more was that he over exaggerated the reality of the situation online and made me feel worse. He had also written some pretty wild posts about his ex flings from before we were together. I’m an ignorance is bliss kind of person, so I never wanted to find or read these things about myself or go hunting for issues.

We broke up, he begged for us to reconcile, I was really really apprehensive at first because my confidence and self image were destroyed, but he never betrayed my trust before, he was a good boyfriend, he told me it was hard watching me go through everything and that what he did was a massive mistake and that was difficult to see me change even if it wasn’t my fault. I decided to give him a second chance and start again and work on things with open communication about issues. My one stipulation was Reddit, I asked him if he could delete the app until I could trust him again because I didn’t really understand it and I felt like I didn’t know the person he was reading his old posts. He agreed, deleted it in front of me and that was the end of it, so I thought.

Cut to last night, we were going to sleep, I usually sleep with my eye mask on. He asked me why I hadn’t put it on yet, which I thought was strange. I put it on half over my eyes and pretended to be asleep, I could see him on Reddit again! I haven’t confronted him yet, but it really bothers me. More that he is acting shady about it and trying to hide it from me, and with previous issues I’m weary of his intentions. Since he doesn’t want to communicate with me, I thought I would use his method!

TL;RL; Am I overreacting or should he respect my boundaries?

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How can I 18M move on from things my 18F girlfriend had done?

My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year. It’s been long distane but now we’re in the same city. Since the beginning of our relationship, I’ve never laid eyes on another girl, texted or showed interest in any other female. But 4months into our relationship, we went through a tough phase of daily arguments where she always ends up crying. But I always fixed things even when i was in wasnt wrong just so we can go back to normal. She had a bestfriend (of 10 years) that i never trusted and that i was sure hated me. After over a month of arguments, she and her bestfriend got into a fight and i ended up getting texts from the bestfriend showing me how my girl has been talking to my ex behind my back and telling him about our problems and im sure a lot went behind my back while i was trying to be the best man for her and avoiding physical interactions with other girls even when she was away from me. I confronted her and she told me they recently met and she said she told him about us and that she wants nothing to do with him but she was feeling bad since she broke his heart. She also said that her friend used to meet him and she was manipulating her and telling her how he’s heartbroken and missing her everyday. But what i saw was the complete opposite. I couldnt believe a lot of things she said and i was aware that a lot went behind my back so i stopped talking to her. Meanwhile, she was begging for us to be back and crying because i didnt answer her calls, didnt go to school and she hurt herself just because of “the regret” of what she did. I still remember her losing almost 12 pounds that month since she barely ate. loved her too much to end things even though it broke me so i kept talking to her (badly) but she just kept trying and her treatment got so much better later. She posts me on her socials and gave me all her passwords (i never ask) she became the most caring, kind, supportive person in my life, and since june, she never even made a tiny mistake that would harm our relationship. She never goes out without my permission and she makes me feel like the most important person in her life. I can’t explain how but i know for sure she’s in love because its been 5 months and she’s the girl i’ve always wanted to have. So i slowly fell back in love with her and i think she deserves it more now. However, the overthinking never stops, i keep thinking of how she couldve done all that to me while i was in love with her, and if she ever cared back then. Sometimes i mention it and she immediately starts crying and tells me she doesnt want to be reminded of her past and shes a much better person now. Im trying so hard to completely move on but something keeps holding me back, i want to know how i can get over this and focus on the future. Thank you

(English isnt my first language so im sorry for the small mistakes)?

TLDR: how can i move on and focus on the future instead of feeling stuck in the past?

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friends and family telling me i’m 30F unaware of red flags in 30M. what did i miss

I 30F Went back to a man 30M who previously chose another woman over me and now regret it

A few months ago I was on a dating site and I matched with someone. We had several phone call conversations over many weeks and they each lasted hours at a time and we agreed how rare it was to have someone you get along with so easily. We were compatible in pretty much everything. The only thing that concerned me was that he brought up the importance of physical attraction a lot more than anything. He told me he had told his friends about me and how he’d shared things he’s never shared to others before. I noticed he lied about a few lifestyle practices on his profile but otherwise nothing. As we were long distance we were scheduled to call again but then he suddenly told me he’d met someone new he was pursuing. I was disappointed but moved on

Recently I saw he was still on the site so without thinking much I swiped again on him. This time he asked me out and we talked for a few weeks before meeting up. again our talks were easy and compatible. When we met up the chemistry translated into person and he extended the date himself for a total of 7 hours. He kept saying how nervous he had been and how easy we get along and a few flirty comments. he’d told his friends again. One thing that was a bit concerning was that he mentioned women and friends in the past saying he had led them on because he was vulnerable with them. i’m not sure why he said that. After that time we left and I thought it had gone really well so I messaged him saying it’d be nice to do this again sometime. He then told me he just sees us as friends. I’m very good at gauging things normally but I really didn’t see this coming.

I need advice to move on because I didn’t see this coming. I am cordial with him and said goodbye nicely but I really regret going back to him - I felt quite insecure because it felt like I was a backup choice and his comments about attraction and looks made me quite self conscious.

TL:DR: 30F 30M What did I miss and how do I prevent situations like this happening again?

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