Bf (35m) said I (32f) would look better from different angles

I’ve been with my bf for a few months, we’re long distance and have been doing a lot of video calls etc ;)

Last night after we had a really nice time being intimate he said words along the lines of ‘you look lovely but better from different angles, but that’s the same with everyone’. I was in a post-o bliss and didn’t really process what he said but now I’m really upset and hurt.

I’m a bit overweight, I’m curvy, had a soft tummy. I’m not unhealthy, but I enjoy food and exercise.

It’s not the first time he’s commented on my body and I’m starting to think he has some fatphobic thoughts.

He says he loves me but I can’t help think he can’t if he secretly doesn’t even like my curves and shape?!

TLDR: my bf made a comment on my body and now I feel really uncomfortable

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What should I do about my gf(20) guy bestfriend

Tldr: I was wondering whether I should try and push my girlfriend to decide whether to chose between me or her guy bestfriend and was wondering what would you do?

My girlfriend(20f) and I (21m) have been dating for about 4 months now.

Hi all here to ask for some other insight into my current troubles with my girlfriend of 4 months. There has been a guy friend who has honestly completely messed with my head and before you call me insecure or controlling please hear me out. So this guy who I’ll call B has been a good friend of my girlfriend from before we met and I’ve never had good feelings about B I’ve seen there previous chat logs and it’s all abdomen pictures and my girlfriend had also sent provocative photos in return (mind you this was all before I knew her) when I asked about these photos and what there relationship is like and whether I should be worried she shrugs it off tells me they had a “moment” one night and realised they didn’t find eachother attractive and didn’t do it again. Fast forward a week after that conversation my girlfriend and I had a small argument like couples do and she went to him for support, she told me what he said about the argument and what he thought about it to which I blew up and told her she shouldn’t be going to other guys about our problems to which she agreed and to my knowledge hasn’t done it since. Then I kid you not, not even a day later he “accidentally” sends my girlfriend a provocative photo to which I don’t find out about till about 1-2 weeks later. Obviously I was quite upset I wasn’t told and when I asked why I wasn’t told she said because she thought I was going to tell her to block him. To be fair as much as I’d like to say block him I can’t, I do not control her and it is entirely her decision she can decide what to do judging by my reaction to the situation and how it benefits our relationship. This was quite early in the relationship and during our relationship up till now I’ve definitely brought up concerns where I see her not giving me attention at all or shrugging my efforts to text him and her responses to me bringing up my concerns is usually met with silence, anger toward me while she completely defends him and claims he was there throughout all of her struggles. Fast forward to today I thought to myself while she was asleep whether the provocative photos I saw way early on were still there which led me to do something I hadn’t don’t before which was go on her phone and check there chat. I found every single photo they had sent before our relationship including the provocative ones. And what I found was there was so many more than I remember spanning from when they first started texting up till a couple weeks before I started dating my now girlfriend. Which has made me question whether it was “just a one night thing” and this is where my problem arises how do I bring this up to talk about with her and what my next move is. Thanks for reading desperately need another opinion on this.

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Harrassment or am I being dramatic?

I (19F) and my boyfriend (21M) dated for about three months andI recently broke up with my now ex-boyfriend. We met at the common institute and started dating after knowing each other for almost 2 months, we never really talked to each other during this period except the regular handshakes and "hey". We dated when a mutual friend introduced us to each other.

And here's the point, we were actually in a long distance relationship because of priorities back then and used to call and text. And I went to his home, he took me to his room and stated that he was 'turned on' and how I make him 'hard'. I told this guy that I'm uncomfortable. I'm the most insecure about my body and have struggled with this inferiority complex for years given the fact I'm suffering from an autoimmune disease that destructs the melanin pigment and as result you develop white patches on your body. I've shared the same thing with my now ex-boyfriend that I'm utterly insecure about the way I look and he seems to be okay (?) with that. However, he kept sliding his hands under my shirt and in my pants, to the point I even pushed him to please stop as I wasn't feeling okay. However, he didn't seem to budge. After coming from his home, I told him how badly he hurted me and I want to breakup with him for this reason as matter of fact if he can't respect my boundaries how will he respect me in future. But he told me he was excited and in the heat of the moment, he couldn't think straight. Our mutual friends explained me that a guy goes through this so you should probably give him another chance, which I did.

But it looks like my feelings were gone way back after that incident took place. It's some sort of assault and harassment (a few people on here might not agree with on that though) but I found myself loosing interest in him as each day passed and it ultimately lead me to breakup with him.

Idk if I've made a right decision or was I wrong for giving him another chance when my feelings were long gone. Thoughts on this..?

TL;DR broke up with my boyfriend who seemed to be sexually assaulting (?) me. Thoughts.?

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I understand why some women prioritize a partner they can have children with over a partner who loves them right.

My (32F) friend (35F) and I were talking this evening after dinner about our relationship history over the last year. She met the love of her life in June and is planning on having a child with him in the next 2 years, an unprecedented change for her from being avowedly child free for most of her life. As I listened to her talk about what that mental shift was like, I realized why I was so devastated over a short-lived relationship I'd had last year.

I had really wanted to have children with him. And I'd never had that feeling with anyone else. I knew he didn't love me the way I needed, and even though he ended the relationship with me, I cut him off for good after he reestablished contact because of this. But I was in touch with the fact that he did love me after a fashion, and that his life situation was conducive to having and raising children. I had watched him with his family and his 7yo cousin, and felt the "urge" for the first time in my life - including a former marriage to a man who, on paper at least, was perfect father material. Never felt the urge with him, and felt like I dodged a bullet when that marriage ended.

But yeah, I never wanted kids until I met that man this summer. I'm back to not wanting kids now. Closing the door on that relationship forever really felt like saying no to a completely different version of me. I almost felt like I could have chosen that life for a second, one where I wasn't loved in the way I needed or wanted, but one where I became a mother. It was frighteningly easy to see myself just accept the love he could give and flip a switch in my brain. I'd had a vision in my head the first night we slept together of me being heavily pregnant and pushing, and of him letting me squeeze his hand. It was absolutely indelible and profound.

But I said no to that vision. Over the last few months I've been realizing that I'm in love with a friend of mine (42M) and that he's in love with me. He loves me in the way that I need, in the way I've been longing for. I don't want kids with him, not really, not in the same way I wanted them with the ex. But I believe now that love is more important than having children. I won't have to choose like that ever again hopefully - but if I do, I know what I'll choose. Every minute of every day. That love fills me and completes me in such a way that I don't need children.

I get why women choose having children with an imperfect man whose love is either warped or non-existent, though. I almost did. It's tempting to feel that a baby will make up for what you're missing from your partner.

No regrets about my choice. But women who decide the other way... I feel you.

tl;dr it's hard to prioritize a perfect love over the possibility of having a baby with a good enough man, I get it now

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The Art of Maintaining Independence in Relationships - Essex Magazine

The Art of Maintaining Independence in Relationships  Essex Magazine

* This article was originally published here

I 18F need advice on stuff my boyfriend 20M does.

i have been with my boyfriend (20M) for 10 months now and hes been great, we have alot in common and hes a great guy, except for some things that he has done over the past few months.

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the first thing he ever did was like other girls pictures on instagram, and i know that doesnt sound like a big deal but i was so broken and insecure for months and i still am. i know he doesnt do that anymore but the fact that he did it just hurts me.

also he admited to getting off on another girl, he did that only once and at the begining of our relationship and i have forgiven him, but it hurts so bad.

then recently we got into a fight (the details of the fight arent important it was just me being insecure and scared hes still doing some bad stuff) after a while he started ignoring me which really hurt me alot since i hate being ignored more than anything else after he ignored me for a while i said sorry to him for starting a fight over me being insecure and he just said what do u want from me now i kept saying sorry to him because i felt so so bad but he just wont stop being mad at me.

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also sometimes i just feel like he doesnt understand me at all, like when something happened thats making me really sad, he just doesnt understand why im sad and just tells me to think more positive and thats all, i can never really communicate my feelings with him because whenever i do he gets mad at me and tells me i should just think more positive. i know it all may not sound that bad and maybe im just insecure and childish but its really hurting me, i always wanted someone that can listen to my problems and give me advice but all he ever does is tell me to think positive.

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so thats why i came here to ask for thoughts of other people. is it just me being insecure and its not that deep or is it really a problem in our relationship that we should work on. also the first things i said like liking other girls pictures, i said that so you know why i may sound so insecure. also he gets mad at me often for staring unneccesary fights about things that happened long ago, for example when i wanted to ask him something about the whole instagram liking thirst traps thing he instantly gets mad at me and says that its so unneccesary to talk about it because it was long ago and i just wanna start a fight, which isnt true most of the times i just want to know something and he instantly thinks i want to fight.

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TL;DR: my bf did questionable things like liking other girls thirst traps, getting off to another girl,ignoring me, instantly getting mad at me and thinking i want to start a fight when i just wanna ask something and i need opinons if im just being insecure or if it really is a problem and we need to fix it

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I [M33] met a girl [F22] on OKcupid, unsure whether I should go for the relationship?

Can't believe I'm actually posting this, lol.

I've met a girl on OKcupid 10 weeks ago. There is a lot of mutual attraction, we have a similiar sense of humour and get along nicely for the most part. She was looking for a serious relationship, I was open for anything, but I developed strong feelings for her and she says the same is true for her. There are a few potential and real issues, tho:

• She is 11 years younger than me, I am 33, she's 22.

• She has a daughter, 3 years old. While I can see myself being a father, I'm not sure I can do it at the stage I currently am. We've seen each other 2 times now, havent seen the daughter yet.

• She had a rough childhood/past with verbally abusive parents, toxic ex-partners. Had 2 or 3 episodes with A LOT of casual sex through partying and dating apps (as a form of self-harm, but says she doesn't regret her experiences). We've talked through most of this and I gave her a lot of emotional support. She claims to "hate men", says she feels like she might be 22 body wise but 50 in her mind.

• She wants another child or 2 in the next 6-7 years, also to prevent her daughter to be a lot older than her siblings. While I can understand having that wish and all that biological clock thing going on - I think that's the wrong order to approach this. I've always been a fan of meeting someone special and fitting first, then think about children and marriage. As she never had a safe and stable home in her past, that's her biggest wish though.

• She doesn't really wanna go out. I partied a lot when I was her age (vastly different life situation though, ofc) and while she'd like to go to the restaurant or go for a walk once in a while, she doesn't wanna stay up all night and dance and have fun (with a babysitter at home, of course). Might be a problem, cause I'd like to be able to do that occasionally.

• She suffers from Borderline. I'm quite understanding and careful with conditions like that due to having cases in my family and among my friends and she says I'm handling that well, but I don't always think she's handling it perfectly. I often feel like I'm walking on egg shells, trying to avoid triggers (like hanging up the phone too quickly, cause that triggers her fear of losing someone/me in that case). We have fights over things like this regularly, as while she claims I'm generally handling her condition well, I am not careful and considerate enough in situations like this, which is true I guess.

• She's becoming a state secretary, regular daily schedule (also bc of her daughter). I'm a student still, will be done in a year or so. I sleep longer than her, more free-time etc. Also, would be a long-distant relationship as long as I still need to be at university. She lives near my hometown though, to which I wanted to return after my studies anyway.

I developed feelings, I'm unsure whether I should really go for it for several reasons. Might sound more negative than it is, among other things the sex is great, I like her personality a lot, find her funny etc

Just writing this down already felt great, but I'd love to hear some neutral thoughts on this. Hope I didn't forget anything important.

tl;dr: girl I met and developed strong feelings for has a child and mental issues, wondering whether I can provide what she needs

Thanks for any input!

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