My girlfriend (19F) cheated on me (18M) with her abusive ex (18M)

In November 2023, my girlfriend slept with her ex. This man is mentally and physically abusive to her. He would beat her while they were dating, and when they broke up, he would threaten to harm himself if she stopped talking to him. Sometime in November he pushed her to sleep with him, and she was scared to say no. I believe her fear because I know how this guy is. He is very manipulative. After this occurred, she cut him off shortly after. Since December 2023 I’ve noticed she’s been incredibly happy. Before this she was very depressed and had lots of mental problems, and our relationship suffered a lot at the time because of it. She’s been incredible these past months, we’ve had no problems, and her mental health has been significantly better. I only learned about what happened yesterday (April 2024). She proved to me that they weren’t in contact, showed that their last texts were from December, and that he’s blocked. I don’t know how to feel now, because on one hand I feel like she cheated. I feel sick thinking about what happened. On the other hand, this man is abusive and I know she was terrified of him. What do I do?

tl:dr her abusive ex threatened to hurt her if she didn’t sleep with him. She did, and cut him off shortly after. I only discovered this recently and don’t know how to feel

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I may of rushed into Marriage from a LDR

I apologize ahead of time for my writing skills and ranting.

I (32)M got married in December to my Wife (30F) and I just slept on the couch again. She's mad at me this time because my gluten allergy is very inconvenient for her when packing lunches for my work. A lot of little things set her off and it can ruin our day or week depending on how upset she is. I don't think she really loves me for me, but says she does and I'm struggling myself with the love. I've always felt I have sacrificed a lot more than her for this relationship. I feel unappreciated and hurt a lot. Which we've argued over before.

Our relationship started by matching on OkCupid back in Jan 2022. I was talking to a few women at the time irl, but I eventually found out she was from the Philippines. Her humble, hard working nature as a catholic school teacher inspired me. Yet, her mental instability at times scared me. Yet, she was a lot more sane than the usual girls that were around me. When I said I didn't want to talk to her anymore due to the distance and her mental state.(Mind you I only knew her for less than a month at this point) She threatened to kill herself and stalked me on my social medias when i blocked her. She never really dated before me and I thought maybe I was being too hard on her. I asked her out the same night like an idiot.

I was in a 7 year on and off relationship before this and tend to fall for controlling people like my parents were. I was raised by my mom to basically be the dad/caregiver of my severely autistic and brain damaged brother. Which leads me to care and serve those less fortunate than me. Even if it almost kills me or destroys my mental state. So I had to leave behind my brother and my ex to survive. Which leaving my brother behind haunts me and she can't really understand that.

Anyways, I visited her twice in May of 2022 and 2023. It was so beautiful there, and we had so much more fun in person than LDR. The first time seeing her and meeting her family almost brings tears to my eyes thinking about it because it was so unreal. I was on the other side of the planet with her and learning so much about a different culture. I proposed to her while island hopping because i felt pressured to be a man from my peers and that our love would grow more in time. We started our K1 visa in June 2022 and the soonest she could arrive was October 25th 2023. During the LDR parts there was a lot of jealousy issues from her end even though I was loyal throughout and she hated asking for money, but sometimes she would only have enough to eat rice once a day. I moved up in my job so I could afford to help her be happy and eventually fly her over. We almost broke up a couple times during the LDR period. I told her i may not be able to afford to come over May 2023 and she was really hurt. She began calling and yelling that I was a Weak Man for saying that and stopped talking to me for a few days. Of course we got back together and I worked overtime to fly over again.

Now, we've been fighting on and off since she arrived. She made me wait until marriage to have sex due to her being virgin. She would say we'd have sex on each visit and night of our marriage, but we never did. Not until a few weeks after our marriage. The sex became really good eventually, but i still felt alone in the relationship. Meanwhile my job was killing me, I'm the sole provider and she can't seem happy unless we're spending money. I really do care for her a lot, but our maturity levels are different. Despite her work, she acts childish which is something her dad warned me about. (For example, I asked her to grab some wires with her fingers through a tv stand hole. I walk away and come back. Shes using scissors to grip the wires. I ran over and stopped her...) Anyway, everyone has been happy for me and mention how beautiful/gorgeous she is. Yet, they don't know what happens behind closed doors. We do have great days playing games and shopping, but I feel stressed, depressed and had to get therapy to survive work and this marriage.

TL;DR: Rushed into Marriage with someone from the Philippines where the relationship has always been rocky for various reasons.

I feel like I wanted to achieve American dream too fast, and rushed the wife, the house and possibly kids in the future. Should we part ways, so I don't waste her years to have kids or is there something I can do to fix this?

Thank you for the help

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Does the man I'm dating have commitment issues? F24 and M27

Does he have commitment issues? M27 and F24

I'll give a brief timeline.

Met him 31st March 2024 at a Festival. He approached me and we started to talk. Stayed for 2 hours talking. exchanged numbers.

He called the following day and we arranged our first date on for Thursday 4th April. Went out to dinner and had a great time.

Called me Saturday 6th April and asked to go out with me that day. Date lasted 12 hours had the most amazing time.

Monday 8th April rocks up at my work just to say hello. We also went out on a date that evening and had a fantastic time.

Saw each other again on Wednesday 10th April. Had a fantastic time. Super affectionate and complimentary. And told me he really really likes me about 10 times.

Saw each other again on Thursday 11th April and again another fantastic time. Super affectionate and even said he can't wait to marry me.

Called me Saturday 13th April in the morning sounded a little different and said he hasn't really spent anytime with his family this week and needs to spend time with them.

Called me Sunday night on the 14th April and asked if he could see me. I had visitors over so told him I couldn't.

Monday 15th April called and asked if he could see me after work. I said ok. He was pretty distant. and said we will see each other sometime this week.

I could sense a change in behaviour. He was no longer planning dates but instead would want to meet me on a whim and expect me to be available.

He asked to see me again on Wednesday 17th April after work. We met up and I had a talk with him about where this relationship was going. I told him what my expectations are among those being that if he wanted to pursue this relationship I would like him to plan proper dates that included the weekend. He was very receptive and we actually discussed what he wanted from each other for a couple of hours.

Next day Thursday 18th April I don't hear from him all day. He calls me at night and tells me he is feeling numb and overwhelmed. I said to him that he is obviously confused and its best that he takes some time to think about what he wants.

This morning he calls me and says he is near my work and asks if I have time to grab a coffee with him. I told him no that I was busy. I'm so confused with this guy. He went from being the most amazing self assured guy to someone who doesn't know what he wants.

I was never the initiator in the relationship. He would always call me and text first. I never called or texted first. During our dates he would just stare at me with the widest grin on his face to the point where I had to look away. He would refuse to sit opposite me at the restaurant and only want to sit next to me. He would not let go of my hand the entire date. He would hug me and not let go for 5 minutes straight. He was so into me and now he suddenly is numb. I don't get it. I'm just so glad I didn't sleep with him then I really would have felt even more like shit.

Does this guy have commitment issues? Because I feel he has one foot in the door and the other out. I really like him but I don't want to waste my time on someone who is going to be hot and cold all the time.

TL;DR - should I just end it now and save myself future heartache?

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Husband caught cheating.. this time we have a child together.

My husband cheated and tried to justify it..

At a HUGE loss. Any advice or uplifting words would be much appreciated..

Long story short as I'm dead inside writing this. Once a cheater always a cheater. I keep giving him chances as i did love him. Love is blind. I'm an idiot. Cheated before marriage. Still married him thinking he changed. Even agreed to an open lifestyle to help those urges, spice up our love life... Caught him cheating during an unplanned pregnancy (only found dating site emails), forgave him for our "little family" sake. Been going well until I found out yesterday by photo and multuple videos of partners he has been cheating basically our whole marriage. Married 2018/started from whag the evidence shows back in 2021

Again, idiot, stay at home mom no income coming in. Made an appt with STD clinic and lawyer.. honestly just dead inside while trying to stay strong on outside for our little one. Just getting this off my chest really and any advice to go forward.. don't want to tell my family in case we work through things?

I'm so fucking scared this is happening now that we have a little one.. marriage was so important to me so that's my excuse for sticking it out.. through thick and thin. Again... IDIOT. The guy I loved died two days ago 4/16 it feels... I'm grieving someone living.. I don't even know who he is or what he is capable of

He hasn't really done or said anything but I want you to keep the house for you and the baby. He's tried sleeping in his truck but I told him we need to be cordial and to sleep on the couch..

Lengthy Update 4/18 I had to initiate conversation.. but he basically said he hasn't done or said anything like he's done in the past because he doesn't feel he deserves any more chances. He's shamed to look or even be speaking to me. If I want he can go figure it out or if I want to go he understands.. things got heated at the end where I said if he wasn't the father of my child I'd want him to off himself which wasn't right where he then proceeds to say "this happened because you didn't leave me alone when I tried to break up with you before.." which yes we had problems but it was a mutual agreement to work through things.. he also said where's my passport and tried to grab it where I stopped him saying you're going to leave your son?! Like that?! Our baby woke up and we didn't and won't argue in front of our little one. He grabbed our baby hugged him then looked at me and told me he wants to be with me and him. He wants his family. That stuff happened in the past.. he's ashamed for what's he done. He just knows a relationship can't be built off trust... I said so you're saying your not willing to try and build it again? How'd this be me fighting for it.. he said yeah but we both know I don't deserve anymore chances.

Small part of me doesn't want to give up our marriage.. maybe therapy would help? ..I hate myself for not just throwing his shit out and saying good riddance

TL;DR My husband got caught cheating again..want to keep our family together but it seems like our whole marriage was a sham.

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Online friend is stuck in life and bringing me down

Tldr; long time online friend is stuck in life and I can’t help him, at the same time he’s basically holding me hostage in this friendship and I don’t know what to do anymore

I met this friend in an online RTS game when we were around 15 and for many years I was happy to have him as my online friend.

But lately we have crossed paths - I have a job, hobbies, friends, and he is just stuck in life.

He’s 33, never had a job, despite him being a coding genius and always having some personal projects at home. The thought of looking for a job is like giving him trauma and his father is still sending him money.

He lives alone, has no friends IRL and often claims that I am now his only friend. He gets needy and often demands attention when I don’t check messages on Discord for days like a sad pup.

I tried helping him for years to just finish a CV and start looking for work, I got him a few freelancing gigs and he made some small money, but he’s got literally no personal initiative while at the same time dreams of owning a business. Honestly I think he doesn’t want to be employed because he can’t bear the real life of working night and day which is a norm in his country despite laws against it.

By this time, every time he talks to me it makes me feel weaker. Like I can’t help him and like there’s a problem to be solved that I can’t touch anymore. Nothing worked, he’s still squandering his life away alone in his room, broke and spending time on useless bs and video games.

I want to do better in life. I can’t continue pretending like everything’s okay and we’re gonna experiment with open source AI libraries for fun while he’s broke and miserable.

At this point I am sometimes ignoring his messages. I just cannot anymore… it drains me. It makes me feel tired and weak chatting to him already.

At the same time he tells me how I’m his only friend and how he doesn’t know what he’d do without me cause he gets depression and anxiety and he likes talking to me. That is guilt tripping me and I feel responsible for him although I shouldn’t. He won’t go to therapy because he believes in his country no psychologist would take him seriously.

What can I do? I want to be happy and build a better life and his mentality is contageous and is dragging me down as well. Whenever I have fun or have a good thing to share he keeps comparing us and how I’m so great and how he’s so miserable and cannot do or have what I have. It’s making me feel miserable about the good stuff.

I can’t be his parent. I can’t think about his career and his projects or his bank account. I can’t have his mental wellbeing as weight on my shoulders or whether he will fail in life or not, or feel guilty when he is lonely because he has no friends, and I struggle making conversation with such a huge elephant in the room. Whenever I bring it up it’s like he’s on the verge of a panic attack.

Sometimes he plays victim like there’s no solutions for him but all he does is sees problems and no opportunities - he makes me feel like he would be suicidal if I stop talking to him.

What do I do?

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If you use these 4 phrases regularly, you're more likely to form healthy relationships than most, says psychologist - NBC Southern California

If you use these 4 phrases regularly, you're more likely to form healthy relationships than most, says psychologist  NBC Southern California

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I (26f) kinda want to break up with my boyfriend (30m) but I don’t want to lose my benefits

i understand that my bf is not insurance.

my bf helps me out a lot. he likes to provide. he likes to give me things that he thinks would be good for my apartment. he likes to surprise me with bubble baths even though i could care less for a bubble bath. he likes to book helicopter rides because he wants to be cutesy and romantic and that’s his thing. but i’m not cutesy or romantic.

i like a lot of things he does for me though. cooks me food, picks up my meds, gives me money sometimes, cleans my house, organizes my closets.

i know i sound like i’m just using him. but i feel like it’s more of an exchange thing going on. i wash his underwear and have sex with him. if he says can we move the bed against the wall instead of the middle of the room, i do it. and he doesn’t even live with me. when i go grocery shopping, i buy things that i know he likes.

but he is such a douche. when he was trying to surprise me with the romantic bubble bath, he asked me where the candle we didn’t use yet was. i said i forgot where i put it. i asked him if he could just use the one we already used because it still had lots of wax left. he got a kinda aggressive tone with me and said no where is the new candle. i said idk. then he woke me up from my sleep and told me to come take the bubble bath with him. it was pretty. he put vines along the tub and on the shower pole. he turned off the lights and had both candles lit. he had a nice soothing playlist. and i said wowww this is nice just to be kind . and i told him to make sure he took a picture of it once we got out of the tub.

well i guess that he didn’t like that i only spent 10 minutes in the tub with him because i don’t really like baths and i was getting too hot. then he took everything down and starting taking a shower and i said bae did u take a pic before u took everything down and he said nah maybe next time. so that pissed me off.

some other fucked up shit that he does is stick his penis in me without a condom.he put his penis in me with no condom while i was in the laundry room. i told him i don’t wanna have unprotected sex. he also is controlling. and he’s stupid. he said “do u really not want me to cum in you?” like it was a shock to him. i said do you really want to cum in me because it’s all fun and games and it not thinking about the repercussions at all? i’m not a birth control or anything. him doing that really makes me angry. i don’t think i can get over that.

but if i lose him i lose my benefits. i lose fun times. i lose cooking together. i lose the parts that i like. and i’m not trying to go back on the dating apps and start again for the 100th time. even though we’ve only known each other for less than 2 months. so i’m conflicted. i did block him today but i unblocked him after thinking about all the things he does for me.

tl;dr: wanna break up with my bf but don’t wanna lose the good tomes

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