Local nonprofit helps Missourians build healthy relationships Columbia Missourian
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Monday, July 22, 2024
Sunday, July 21, 2024
I (19m) want to repair my relationship with my gf (19f)
so me (19m) and my gf (19f) of almost 2 years broke up about a month ago and i’m completely lost. we first met at work when we where 17 and we started dating after our second date. we loved each other straight away. from the moment i met her i knew i wanted her to be my wife. we went through rough periods as all relationships do but as we where both very young we didn’t know how to fix them. we ended up breaking up and getting together constantly until we split up for about 2 months. i thought it was completely over but i messaged one of her friends and asked her to tell her to talk to me. we ended up meeting up and got back together for another 6 months. up until a month ago when we broke up again. this time i have a feeling it’s completely over but i don’t think i can live life without her. i need to get her back but i don’t know how. i know a lot of the reasons we broke up was my fault and i will change for the better i just need to let her now that. who has advice on what I should do?
—- tldr i want to fix my relationship and get back with my gf
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, July 20, 2024
How tf do I get over him???
It’s been over a year, he’s M/28 been with his new girlfriend F/29 (who was actually my “friend”) for that same amount of time, and in reality we never truly dated.
As my “friend” (his now gf) liked call it, I was his foster girlfriend who he would come back to whenever no one else was giving him attention. Mind you outside of that he was my best friend. No one knew me F/28 the way he did. But relationship-wise just kept passing me up for his ex and/or other women.
Idk if you can even call this a situationship tbh. But he always said, “we’re basically in a relationship just without the sex.” (We had sex only twice but lots of phone sex). We’d work together all the time, be on the phone 24/7 and literally wake up together and fall asleep together on the phone if we weren’t at each others place.
At some point we confessed having feelings for each other at some point. But at the time he was messing around with different one of my friends and said at least we got that out of our systems and nothing can happen between us again. But things just kept happening.
In the end he decided to get with one of my friends even though I begged him not to and STILL expected us to be besties. So I cut them both off after completely breaking down like I’ve never seen before.
I think this is the worst I’ve ever been affected by a man. And yes I know I was being very very stupid. But I fell in love with the man that gave me gf treatment when he wasn’t occupied with someone else. And it made me feel good.
Anyway TL;dr I can’t stop thinking about this guy. So please, please, someone tell me how to get over him… I just want to be happy.
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, July 19, 2024
15 years later and still thinking about my ex
It’s been close to 15 years since I (M42) stopped seeing her (F/47). I was out blowing off steam from the work week with the boys. Out at the bar having a few beers and laughs. This woman walks in with a friend. I don’t recall who said something but they stopped at our table and started talking. Drinks were bought for them and I hear, Im happily married but she’s not!! My ears perk up immediately like the idiot I was in my early 20s. So we end up dancing together. She is the most gorgeous woman I ever laid eyes on. I completely ignored the fact that she was married.
After the bar she comes to wear I am at having a few more beers. We end up just sitting in her car talking the rest of the night. We kissed for a while. The best kiss I’ve had to this day. I had never felt anything like it. Instant connection. So we basically end up in this full blown affair for 2 or so years. I finally end it because I decided enough is enough. She was never going to leave. It hurt like hell but it had to happen. Two weeks I guess later she filed for divorce. She started seeing other people as did it. I still thought about her more days than not. Fast forward. I’m married now with a ten year old daughter. She’s married again. When I started seeing my wife I cut all connectivity to her. Seemed fair to my wife I thought. Things have been not well with my marriage. She cheated for about a year seems like. We are trying to get over that. Then one day out of the blue I message the ex. I don’t know why. I just did. I didn’t really expect a response. But I was wrong. We have been talking back and forth most of the day now for a few weeks. I’m not this guy. I don’t do things to hurt people I care about. I didn’t want to be in an affair in the first place. But I’ll be damned if I dont still have feelings as strong as I ever did for this woman. I don’t know why or how but for some reason when it comes to me and her, nothing is off the table. I’ve never felt anything like this with another woman and I never will. I can’t stand the thought of hurting my wife even though she cheated. But I feel like it’s coming. Why after all this time do I find myself wanting the life I feel like I never got a fair shot at even though I already have this life I created? I’m miserable here and I know why but the guilt is eating me alive. I know I’m a piece of crap for all of it so spare me your judgement. I just want to understand how I can feel so strongly for someone I can’t have.
Tl;dr: I find myself still in love with my ex from 15 years ago and I don’t know why. It was a long affair from long ago but how I felt about her never changed. I hate that it will ruin my family but at the same time my family is already messed up from an affair my wife previously had. If you’d like to comment your opinion on the reason I feel this way then I suppose I welcome it. If not I would not have shared. I’m not sure if I did all this the right way. May not even be able to post it lol.
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* This article was originally published here
Thursday, July 18, 2024
Wednesday, July 17, 2024
Should I be upset that my boyfriend watches porn that doesn't resemble me?
(bf of 5 years 26M, I'm 28F). I personally don't view it as cheating, moreso as disrespectful in like a "wanting something/someone else with different body types than me to be able to get off," kinda situation, which is enough to upset me if I'm being honest. Enough to make me cry or feel like I'm not what he actually wants sometimes, even.
I realize a lot of people my age don't get upset over it, but my boyfriend and I don't watch it together, mostly just when I accidentally walk in on him watching and get sad that he'd rather fantasize about someone else than to romantasize me instead and drag me to the bedroom (I have a relatively high sex drive, but we don't have sex more than once every couple weeks).
To be honest, I watch porn frequently too, but only 1. due to our lack of sex and 2. the videos I choose actually resemble his body type, or even race. And when I do, I think of him.
I only ask because when he watches it, he watches instagram-model types of women with perfect bodies, cuter faces, aesthetics, etc. None of whom look anywhere close to me, at least in a way I could change without surgery.
I understand how common it is, but I want to understand more if it's even right for me to be upset. It makes me believe that if any women like this actually gave him the time of day, he would potentially leave me (even if that thought is unreasonable and he did nothing else for me to actually entertain that thought). And that's coming from a place of me not watching anyone that even remotely doesn't look like him, since dating him as made him "my type." Even if we broke things off and a standard "hot guy with huge muscles and nice package type for most" walked up to me now, I would turn him down 100% since he wouldn't even remotely resemble the man I'm with.
Can someone maybe explain better if it's normal to feel that way in this day and age? Am I being toxic and insecure even though I think I'm pretty in a different kind of way? Or do you think maybe he would rather date someone who looks like that and I would be better off dating someone else who prefers my looks or body as a type? We've tried watching porn together but it still made me feel weird since the videos he picked were still so different to what I have. It's not cheating, but it gives me this vibe of him potentially wanting to or him just settling for me instead and wishing for more.
Can anyone (men or women) help me try to rationalize this or maybe explain something I'm not seeing or those who are comfortable with it in monogamous relationships let me know why these factors don't hurt them with their own partner?
My parents had a messy divorce due to cheating when I was young so maybe this is why I'm this sensitive and not seeing the big picture, I'm not entirely sure.
TLDR; I'm secure with myself as a person, but my boyfriend watching porn with women that don't resemble me makes me crazily feel like I'm not enough, or his type and need advice before assuming the worst.
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, July 16, 2024
How do people find partners who truly love them
I (25F) has never had a successful relationship. Every guy I date seems genuinely interested and into me at first, but then he stops trying. I often find myself being the one who's too invested in the relationship, while the other person doesn't seem to mind whether I exist or not. In other words, I always seem to be the one who loves more in the relationship, which makes me miserable and never satisfied.
I think it's worth mentioning that I'm a middle child, and my parents don't show love very well. Growing up, I developed anxious attachment, and I find it hard to leave a relationship even when it's not working for me.
Currently, I'm dating someone (26M) , and we've been together for almost six months. At first, he was so into me, and I felt so happy and secure. He’s very touchy and loves physical affection, which makes me feel loved when we're together. But when we're not together, he often forgets to text, and it makes me wonder whether he loves me or not. This triggers me deeply, bringing back all my fears and insecurities. I'm always the one initiating conversations, and making an effort to keep the connection alive. It feels like I'm the only one invested in this relationship.
To make things more challenging, I have no friends and find it hard to make any. This often leaves me feeling isolated and even more dependent on my partner for emotional support, which I know isn't healthy.
I'm reaching out because I feel lost and don't know how to break this cycle. Has anyone else experienced this? How do you find partners who truly love and care about you? How can I create a healthier, more balanced relationship where I don't feel like I'm always giving more than I'm receiving?
Any advice on how to navigate these feelings and find a fulfilling relationship would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: I have never had a successful relationship. I always end up more invested than my partner, which makes me miserable. I'm currently dating someone for 6 months who is very affectionate in person but often forgets to text when we're apart, making me doubt his love. I also have no friends and find it hard to make any.
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