(bf of 5 years 26M, I'm 28F). I personally don't view it as cheating, moreso as disrespectful in like a "wanting something/someone else with different body types than me to be able to get off," kinda situation, which is enough to upset me if I'm being honest. Enough to make me cry or feel like I'm not what he actually wants sometimes, even.
I realize a lot of people my age don't get upset over it, but my boyfriend and I don't watch it together, mostly just when I accidentally walk in on him watching and get sad that he'd rather fantasize about someone else than to romantasize me instead and drag me to the bedroom (I have a relatively high sex drive, but we don't have sex more than once every couple weeks).
To be honest, I watch porn frequently too, but only 1. due to our lack of sex and 2. the videos I choose actually resemble his body type, or even race. And when I do, I think of him.
I only ask because when he watches it, he watches instagram-model types of women with perfect bodies, cuter faces, aesthetics, etc. None of whom look anywhere close to me, at least in a way I could change without surgery.
I understand how common it is, but I want to understand more if it's even right for me to be upset. It makes me believe that if any women like this actually gave him the time of day, he would potentially leave me (even if that thought is unreasonable and he did nothing else for me to actually entertain that thought). And that's coming from a place of me not watching anyone that even remotely doesn't look like him, since dating him as made him "my type." Even if we broke things off and a standard "hot guy with huge muscles and nice package type for most" walked up to me now, I would turn him down 100% since he wouldn't even remotely resemble the man I'm with.
Can someone maybe explain better if it's normal to feel that way in this day and age? Am I being toxic and insecure even though I think I'm pretty in a different kind of way? Or do you think maybe he would rather date someone who looks like that and I would be better off dating someone else who prefers my looks or body as a type? We've tried watching porn together but it still made me feel weird since the videos he picked were still so different to what I have. It's not cheating, but it gives me this vibe of him potentially wanting to or him just settling for me instead and wishing for more.
Can anyone (men or women) help me try to rationalize this or maybe explain something I'm not seeing or those who are comfortable with it in monogamous relationships let me know why these factors don't hurt them with their own partner?
My parents had a messy divorce due to cheating when I was young so maybe this is why I'm this sensitive and not seeing the big picture, I'm not entirely sure.
TLDR; I'm secure with myself as a person, but my boyfriend watching porn with women that don't resemble me makes me crazily feel like I'm not enough, or his type and need advice before assuming the worst.
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