TLDR boyfriend won’t add me on social media even though I’ve asked him to. He said he doesn’t use it but I feel that’s not the real reasons why he’s so against it.
I am a 44F nd have been in a serious relationship with my partner 43M for almost 2 years. We have talked about getting married and are moving in together at the end of the year. I’ve met all his family and friends and am very much included in his life. He however refuses to add me on social media.
He has a Facebook and insta account he rarely uses. I can see he has zero posts and less than 20 friends on there. When I’ve asked him about adding him he said “I only use it for work or I don’t use it”. I called him out on this reason as I’m friends with his friends on socials and I can see they are added there. When I commented about that he said something like “oh they added me when I first joined that’s the only reason we are friends”
I had said to him once early on, that I intended to add him there eventually and he was very negative about it and said “Whyyy” I feel his reaction to social media add was negative and unnecessarily inflexible.
He told me a story once about how he used it years earlier when he was on online dating and she made comments on his tagged photos and friends list. I think he felt judged and that his privacy was invaded by this. I also know that he just came out of a pretty coercive and controlling DV relationship where his ex wife monitored his phone records, checked through his phone etc
Regardless, I still feel upset that he doesn’t trust me with his limited social information and won’t share this aspect of his life with me. I feel he’s not being forthcoming about his real reasons why he doesn’t want to be my friend there.
I’ve raised this issue a few times and he refuses to change his mind about it. Any thoughts or insights to help me resolve this ? Should I just add him and see if he accepts? Should I talk to him about it again?
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