TL;DR I was cheated for the first three months we were together and new details keep emerging about what he did with his ex, should I reach out to her to get her truth?
Boyfriend 23M cheated on me 23F from the start of our relationship through 2-3 months into our now 8 month relationship. That I know of. And I decided to stay and I thought l'd be over it by now but I can't let it go as new details always emerge.
First I had a bad feeling in my stomach at 4 months into our relationship and found the texts with his ex on his phone. So I have no idea about phone calls or anything that occurred outside of that or what was deleted. Since we got together he texted her everyday, trying to get her to respond and saying he loved or missed her.
Then I saw they made plans one night, he went to hers and swore he just set a boundary with her. I've felt really troubled by this and it bottles inside me because everytime I bring it up he freaks out over me bringing his difficult past up. So l've started to be petty and argue over little things, seeking some sort of retribution or release while everything inside me hurts. The reason I can't heal is because there's always new details emerging or new excuses that make me question it all. He told me last night that when they saw one another he "thinks" he did kiss her "hello" and thinks he did cuddle with her for 2-3 hours. Now I fear the worst happened. I've never attempted to seek her side of the story since he said she cheated on him and made his life really horrible and is fearful of her coming after him and harassing him if they have contact. Now after seeing he harassed her with no reply for weeks, initiated seeing her in secret and said he loved her at Christmas (her mom had died and she reached out) I do wonder if he doesn't want contact because she'll tell me the truth.
He's been a habitual liar, from little things like what he had for dinner to big things like drug use and talking to his ex. He blames this all on withdrawal from cocaine. It makes me sick when I think about how he voluntarily told me she was out of his life and psychotic and that I was his person. I'm moving in with him this week and starting a new job. I don't know how to handle living with him as he's really hurt me.
Can anyone confirm if withdrawal symptoms are that significant and make someone weak enough to reach out to an ex and cheat? I'm wary to believe him. Ar can anyone tell me if I should or shouldn't reach o the ex? To get her end of events?
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