Yung Miami Says Diddy Never Abused Her During Their Relationship + Believes Romance Was Beneficial For Both Of Them TheJasmineBrand
* This article was originally published here
Friday, August 9, 2024
Thursday, August 8, 2024
[28M] My Height Disproportionately Affects My Ability to Date and I Need Perspective
I'm located in the United States, I'm 5'5 and Black. I don't generally ask for advice on things like this because mostly people give advice that makes them feel better about how they view the world, but is fail to engage with the actual point. Like if I said, "I think I'm being excluded from the social circle at work because I'm Black" telling me to be more confident would be both dumb and offensive. Similarly, talking about individual stories of success doesn't really get at the larger systemic issue. That being said, this is definitely a thing, and it's definitely a strong cultural norm and preference than an innate biological one. I've been to around 16 countries and this is only a thing in the United States and Europe. I have trouble understanding it, but I've isolated like the other factors in my life and gone back through my interactions for the past few years of my life to figure out if there are any other factors that could be hindering. It's definitely not my style because I get complimented on my outfits every time I go outside. It's definitely not level of fitness because I am definitionally more fit than 96 percent of people. It could be that people think I'm arrogant if I talk about my life honestly without trying to be self-deprecating, but on observation of how other talk about themselves the way I speak about myself isn't out of the norm. I'm also generally regarded as funny by my peers, and someone who can confided in by my subordinates. I'm a bit gruff on account of competing in combat nationally in college. I usually go the extra mile to make people feel both heard and understood, if they are someone I know is sensitive. Otherwise I will still help, but I won't be nice. I have my own experiences, but specifically what I'm looking for can fall into a few categories:
- Selection: I have a few preferences at things that point towards a person's general work ethic and being able to keep up with me. I have generally fuzzier edges on things like physical attraction. I have no hardline preference for like height, race, or hair color. I measure by general fitness and not by weight. So if you're generally athletic but carry a few extra pounds, that's fine with me and also I can't deal with people who are ultra religious, or Conservatives. I had one instance in my freshman year of college, where I got set up on a date with a woman who was 6'1, and I acted weird because I thought I looked like a child next to her. Afterwards, I felt intense shame because that wasn't consistent with the type of person I wanted to be so I reoriented the way I perceive attraction, so I no longer have that particular weakness. My assumptions are that these are reasonable standards to have based on my personal values and traits I find admiral in people. Here, I am looking for feedback on selecting partners and people that I should pursue, within reason. Talk about what kinds of people you have seen dating shorter people.
- Location: I think choosing location is important for finding partners. I am smart and charismatic. I am at a disadvantage at online dating and loud bars where people are judging largely based on looks, the other people there are 18-24, and where it is hard to hear. I am at an advantage in places like libraries, cafes, museums, art installations, and physical events that let you have down time like events at the park. If you have short friends who have done well with dating in the United States, where have they been successful. I am asking this question to understand if people have had success at places where I've struggled and if there are other places where I could be successful that I haven't considered. I've found that meet ups for a hobbies aren't particularly effective.
- Connections: Women generally do not recommend short men to their friends. So it's fine to be friends with women, but with a clear understanding of the lack of utility those relationships will provide towards this specific case. I do not date anyone through work, that's a disaster waiting to happen. My family are first-generation immigrants so I don't have an extended network to draw on. Also while my family is quite wealthy, money isolates. I move states every 10 months for work, so my options in terms of friendships delivering for me are negligible. What I am looking for here is if you know anyone who is my height or shorter and in my age range (1993-2001) who was able to use connections to find someone.
- Intangibles: These are things like chemistry, commonality, body language, shared history and interests. I'll reiterate, the go to the gym is not good advice for me I already go and for me putting on more muscles trends towards body builder territory. I have always been an athlete, I am extremely confident in the capabilities of my body and I go dancing every weekend. Areas where I struggle to connect with people, I am a first generation immigrant and struggle to connect with most Americans on shared cultural background stuff. I grew up Rich, I struggle to connect with people of a lower socioeconomic class at times. I have ADHD, at times struggle to put myself into the shoes of people who do not. According to others, I am funny. Like insanely funny. I do self-deprecating jokes about my behavior, but not about my appearance. In the past I've had 3 girlfriends for about a year, all were from online. None were from dating apps. The sites that I used to find them actively discourage dating or giving out contact information and it was a pandemic/post-pandemic happenstance that we decided to break the rules.
TL:DR I need dating perspective because I am short and Black in a country that denigrates both of those things. I am not insecure about my height, but recognize the social stigma around it.
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* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, August 7, 2024
Why does he make out with me very much?
I’ve (f20) been with my boyfriend (m22) for 1.5 years. At the beginning of our relationship we’d make out while having sex but now we rarely ever do. Nothing else has changed though, we still have other foreplay and sex just as regularly and I’ll kiss him here and there, occasionally with tongue, but never like a make out session. I feel like making out especially as foreplay or just because is what everyone does, is it normal we don’t? I wish we did more, but he always brushes it off when I keep asking for more kisses. Maybe I’m just terrible at making out?
TL;DR How often is a normal amount to make out in a relationship?
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, August 6, 2024
Monday, August 5, 2024
I (24F) had soft-intimate situation with a friend (27M) while being in a relationshim with my bf (26M) - what should I do now?
Let's start with the fact - I know it's wrong what I've done.
We've had some problems with bf lately overall. And there has been a friend of mine who I could say used to be really attracted to me, but he had a GF over that time, so he didn't pursue it [that's a guess, I never talked to him about it tbh]. But we kept having contact because we share same friend group.
We met on a weekend beach party last saturday and we had pretty good time, I was alone because my BF went to a wedding with his family and he didnt take me because we had arguement. So that other guy asked me for a walk outside of a group just to talk, I agreed, we went like 200 meters away on a beach and sat together and had a talk about life, about his break up with his ex, n stuff, I also shared to him problems in my relation, and we kind of started getting a bit closer. He started touching my feet, i didnt tell him to stop because I liked it, it's something my bf never does. He then pulled closer to me, i hugged him and we kissed passionately. I lost control a bit there, he started touching my tummy and back, I'm a bit chubby and he started praising my body, I started touching him too, he took off his shirt and we still kissed, and then he said we should stop, I immediately pulled off too, but well - the kiss and touch happened.
And I started to feel attraction to him...
tl;dr hugged&kissed with another man after having an arguement with my BF, what should I do now?
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* This article was originally published here
Sunday, August 4, 2024
Another cheating post. I’ve (28m) seen plenty of posts like this but this is my first time posting one. Anyone have any advice for myself and him (31m) in our 4 year relationship?
Throwaway for no good reason. I’m sure this will be recognizable. If you find this, just tell me and let’s talk about it more.
I’ll just get to the point.. About a month ago, I found out my (28m) boyfriend (31m) of almost 4 years cheated on me multiple times while we were in long distance. The most recent time being about 2 years ago. There’s a lot of context and backstory to this all that’s left my head spinning and It doesn’t help that this is my first really serious committed relationship of this length… and the first time I’ve been cheated on.
If anyone cares to hear the whole story, or at least my side of it, continue to the wall of text below. Otherwise, there’s a TLDR at the bottom.
We lived in different states and met through a mutual friend while I was visiting them. I actually had zero intentions of doing anything like this, but we really did have an instant connection. He made me feel safe and comfortable. Before my week there was over, I ended up staying at his house as much as our mutual friend’s.
Of course there were some red flags… but he was very open and honest about his intentions and situation. He basically told me up front that he’s been friends with benefits with his “straight” best friend and felt that he provided a safe route for this friend to explore his sexuality. He also said that he was already bringing and end to this for a reason I can’t remember and he said that if things got serious between us, that there was no reason at all for me to ever worry (foreshadowing). We both agreed that cheating is causes nothing but pain. And both definitely agreed that we would rather the other be up front and break things up if it came to that. His honesty and upfront communication about it all convinced me that he was genuine about it all.
After I returned home we kept up very consistent and good communication. Phone calls almost nightly and texting throughout the day. I found myself quickly starting to get real feelings for him and he told me he felt the same. We both lived very close to airports that regularly had dirt cheap flights back and forth and both worked jobs where we could change our schedules or take time off often enough to visit each-other at least every few months.
Im not even sure when we started officially dating, but I know we had plenty of conversations about the things we wanted. A real loving and caring relationship. We both agreed that a monogamous relationship would be best in the beginning while we really got to know each other and especially while we were long distance while still being very open to the idea of opening things up with strong communication and mutual understanding in the future. I tend to be more anxiously attached anyways, and it goes without saying that dating in long distance definitely brought some struggles along the way for me so hearing that helped me feel more secure.
All that being said, The first year was still hard for me to truly fully trust him with his best friend. They often spent time together, sometimes alone. And I found myself getting jealous or insecure at times. I’m sure I overreacted to some thing, but undoubtedly under reacted to just as many. Over time though, I got to know this friend very well too and I convinced myself that my fears were unfounded and that I was being irrational.
Fast forward some time and my gut started to try to tell me things were wrong. A white lie here, mismatched stories there.. the occasional big bold faced lies. Hiding things and just generally not treating me with same respect I had felt before. After about a year, we went through a pretty rough period. He was struggling with a growing drinking issue (Not that bad, it was more the health / mental health effects from the amount and frequency) and also started a new job in a new town traveling between work, staying with different family members, and traveling to his home every week. I noticed a drastic change in our communications. Everything seemed forced and I felt like nothing I heard was the “full” truth. Lots of white lies, half truths etc. mostly to avoid phone calls or explain periods without contact but sometimes for some major boundary crossing. And I felt that my attempts to understand the truth (or understand the lies if things didn’t line up) were received by him as prying and monitoring. Which in hindsight, I was struggling with it and I’m sure I was over the top with a lot of things.
It was hard for me to understand why everything seemed so muddy and “secretive”. Even every day mundane stuff. I feared the worst and brought it up multiple times, but our conversations were never good about it. he made me out to feel crazy and controlling and made me feel like I was pushing him away with my anxiety. And I believed him. We would fight in circles and get no where. “You never trust me with anything… This can’t work if you don’t trust me… etc” and I’d retort “the things you do make me not trust you… etc” and it would just get nasty from there. After months of this things got a little better. I tried as hard as I could to ignore my entire body screaming at me that something was definitely not right. And he seemed to be a little more open and honest. But looking back… there were So many small signs and things that just didn’t make sense or line up that I ignored. I’ll probably never know the full extent tbh.
We continued on these ups and downs for a while until his contract at this job was up at the end of that year. For about 6 months we had planned out his move up to me and it was finally time and everything went surprisingly smoothly. We got everything moved in and started our new life together. It was financially challenging for a while because he couldn’t start his new job for over 2 months and I’m not rich but we made it work with some help from his mom.
Then comes the new challenges. We suddenly went from speaking anywhere from daily to weekly to now living together. I should say that my love language is almost entirely physical touch. Cuddling, kissing, sweet talk… you know, the sappy shit. His love language is more acts of service and quality time. So we definitely struggle to show each other love at times. We’ve lived together for almost two years now and we have come a such a huge distance in our communication and showing love to eachother. I genuinely was really starting to feel good, happy, and comfortable before this happened. We still had fights and arguments, but doesn’t everyone?
The bombshell hit me about a month ago. I’m not sure what even made me do it, but I went through his MacBook and iMessage. Really, a part of me never let go of the fact that I for sure knew some stuff happened in the past. I just didn’t know exactly what, but I had a very strong feeling. I searched his best friends name in his iMessage and scrolled down to find a conversation with a different friend of his where he fully admitted to cheating on me in “the most involved actual sexual experience to date with him”. Reading that immediately cut me deep. I immediately confronted him and we’ve half multiple lengthy talks about it. To this day, the biggest thing we have struggled with is our sex life. We’ve talked endlessly around his major struggles with self image issues and anxiety around the bedroom. I can understand how he feels and how it affects him, but it’s still so hard for me. There is a constant “stigma” around sex. We both are horny, but his anxiety around his appearance and performance is actually crippling at times. We kinda cycle between better periods and times where he rarely initiates sex and I feel like I have to pester him into it until he feels obligated into it. Which just makes a terrible experience for both of us. This is a thing we are definitely still working on and I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t affected my self image too. It makes it so hard to feel like he’s attracted to me and wants me when I often feel the last thing he wants is to have sex with me. We’re both can be a little kinky, but most of our sex is vanilla mutual masterbation and It often seems to be pushed off to the last minute and then rushed to get through quickly. I should say we do have sex often, and it’s often good too. But the whole anxiety feelings around it make things volatile and sometimes uncomfortable.
But All of that is to say… when I read that message… the thought of him topping his friend and knowing how much they thoroughly enjoyed that and how non-vanilla that all was… that kills me and hurts so fucking bad. The thing I’ve wanted so badly for so long now was given to somebody else and not me. And knowing, now, that he knew this for 2 years… and remembering the arguments we’ve had where my feelings were used against me… all the effort I put in to get to know this friend and build a friendship with him so that I could learn to trust them. All of that was for nothing because they were doing exactly what he said would never happen. Exactly what I feared for so long and what my gut was telling me all along. And that got used against me, to convince me I was overly anxious. That was a major blow to my self esteem and probably has permanently changed me and my view on relationships. I’ve been up and down since then. Some days are mostly normal, others I can’t help but cry.… If I can get over this thing from the past, should I? I want to, but I can’t help but somtimes feel like I don’t even know who he is anymore. But then I think about how long ago this was and how different things were. It’s just all so confusing…
And On top of all of this, Our lives are pretty intertwined at this point. We both want to work things out and I have really felt a genuine effort from him to work towards that with me. If we did end up breaking up, he would be left without a home and I would be financially wrecked. So that’s another thing weighing on both of our minds even though we haven’t verbalized it…
Maybe i can end this novel on a good note? Or maybe I’m just blind and hopeful.. idk. But we have talked about this a lot. I think we both need some support currently and it’s support that we can’t offer each other because I’m hurt and he’s the one that hurt me. And he feels guilty for that. I honestly believe he has changed tremendously since this happened. We both have. And our conflict resolution and communication is light years ahead of how it was then. Like I said before, I really was feeling more comfortable and excited for our future than I ever have before. But now it’s all so hard to think through. I just don’t know how to get this image out of my head of them in ecstasy, who knows how many times, all while I’ve been trying to get that up to this very day….
TLDR
My boyfriend cheated on me 2 years ago, 2 months before moving states to move in with me. And it was with his best friend whom I’ve had anxiety and worries over since the beginning of our relationship. I didn’t find out until a month ago. I had lingering feelings of something being wrong in the past and really wanted to know the truth so I checked his laptop and found a full admittance to a different friend of his. The cheating itself doesn’t hurt as bad as the years of lying and being made to feel crazy for being suspicious. And all the time waisted building a friendship with his best friend so I could learn to trust them. As well as the image of them having the time of their lives, at least twice but who knows how many times, all while I’ve been struggling with feeling unwanted and unattractive due to our ongoing struggles and anxiety in the bedroom.
Idk what I’m really even asking for. Maybe just for someone to listen and understand me? Or Share some related stories. Or give some advice on how to keep going from here? Idk
Regardless, if anyone took the time to read this entire post, you’re a real one and I really do appreciate that. Just typing this all out has helped me to some extend I believe…
Thanks guys
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, August 3, 2024
I lied to my boyfriend and I wanna come clean
Recently, I (F16) found out about a dating app out there, and being bored during vacations, I figured I'd try it for fun. I created a profile with my real name, picture, and all, but I put my age as 18. Turns out, I matched with a guy (M22) who's honestly really sweet! We have a LOT in common, and we clicked very easily. We spent some time chatting, and finally, we had our first date yesterday, and he asked to date me. Being so in love with him, I said yes (So 1 day long relationship). However, he's 22, and little does he know that I'm actually 16. The age of consent here is 14 years old, so nothing can possibly happen to him, but I feel extremely guilty about it. I wanna tell him my actual age so bad because I truly believe that relationships don't flourish under lies, but I don't know how. I really don't want him to leave me, but I also wanna come clean. I haven't lied about a single thing except my age, and I just don't want this to end so soon. What do I do?
TLDR: I met a guy online and lied about my age to him. Now he asked me to date him and I wanna come clean.
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* This article was originally published here
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