I (f24) think I fell out of love with my girlfriend (f24)

My girlfriend and I are together for 4 years. We moved in together 2 years ago when we found a good apartment for rent. I always knew she was a bit lazy, but I thought it would change when we had our own space and freedom. She has a lot of collective items, and her room would always be cramped with them, so I always assumed it was hard for her to actually clean around all that. I would often clean her things and reorganise her shelves and closets.

Well, when we moved in together, it was the same. She has so much space now, and cleaning the house regularly isn't a huge chore, but she doesn't do it. She knows I'm very sensitive on this topic because I grew up in a dirty household. I do most, if not all some days, of the chores and cooking. In our 2 years of living together she cooked for us only once. Every other time either I cooked or I helped her cook. I always have to remind her to clean the dishes, vacuum, clear the clutter. And when it comes to the bathroom, if it was up to her, it would not be cleaned for weeks. I like to clean the bathroom and toilet at least once a week. Vacuum every few days, and do dishes and organising the rooms daily. And laundry every few days as well. She thinks I have insanely high cleaning standards. This doesn't even encompass the deep cleaning, like cleaning bed sheets, windows, walls, dishwasher, etc (she never does those). I always either have to nag her to do it, or she would do 1 chore for the week, like do the dishes (we have a dishwasher so it's barely a chore), or remove some things from the living room, and would then expect me to be in awe. She never remembers to vacuum, or mop, or anything else that requires more work. Even on her free days. Before I go to work and she's free, I have to tell her to do at least one chore to take some weight off of me. And sometimes she doesn't even do it then. Or I come back from work and then she starts doing it.

We had so many talks about it, and I told her how horrible it makes me feel to live like that. She always comforts me about it, admits it, and promises she will try to do better, but then doesn't. And then when I point it out, she brings up 1 chore she did, or something else too. And now she's excused because she's trying. But it's been 2 years of this. How much longer do I need to be patient with her until she starts to do more?

I also feel like she never puts me first. Whenever she has a bad day, or feels sick, or anything that is an inconvenience to her. I try to make her a good meal, I often make meals that she loves. Or I get her a little gift, or I take her out. I feel like she only does that for me when I do it for her. Otherwise I don't get any form of thoughtful action. Only for birthdays or occasions like that. It makes me feel so unappreciated. So much so, I haven't cooked anything nice for her or us in weeks. I started dreading doing nice things for her because of this. And she always talks about how she wishes she was more thoughtful like me. Because it makes her feel loved, and she feels like I'm missing out. But then I comfort her about it, and she doesn't do anything. She doesn't even try.

I really love her, but recently I find myself resenting her a lot. And I feel so unhappy living with her. I am genuinely thinking of breaking up, it just hurts because we've been together for 4 years.This was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but now I am having different thoughts, and it hurts because I love her in every way, but living with her makes me so unhappy. I know this will hurt so much, but I don't know what else to do. I don't know if it's me with high standards, or her. I don't know what the cause of the issue is anymore.

Tl;dr : My gf (24) and I (f24) have been having issues in our relationship, mainly on household chores and acts of service. These issues have been going on for years, with many talks, but little actions, from her side mostly. At this point, it's built up so much in me, that I can't live like this any longer and am resenting her. This hurts me a lot, it makes me very unhappy to live with her, and I want to break up.

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* This article was originally published here

How to reconnect with a friend

I (28f) have a friend (29f) from elementary school who I stayed connected with all through college and after, even being states away from one another. We’d see each other on breaks, catch up on our birthdays, and every time we’d get together it was like things had always been.

Over 2 years ago, I visited her for a weekend and things again were like they always were, like no time had past. Since then, I have texted her congratulating her engagement, on her birthday, and other life events. She has responded with “thank you” or liking the message. And this past year she has not texted me about my life events.

I think back frequently to the weekend I visited her and I can’t think of something that happened that would have distanced us, or something I may have done or said. I think about this friend a lot and miss our friendship and want to reach out and understand why it seems they’ve pulled away since then. It feels intentional on her part and I want to understand what happened because she is someone I always thought would be part of my life forever.

Any advice on how to make that first contact?

TL;DR Friend and I have disconnected, it seems intentional on their part. How do I make that first contact with them?

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* This article was originally published here

My girlfriend is away for a long research trip and I don't know how to react to her behavior

My girlfriend [24 F] and I [24 M] have been together for almost 5 years, and everything has been great. We're both 24, PhD students (in different fields) and live in California, but right now she's spending three months in New Mexico for a research trip. She's been there for a little more than a month, and I'm really starting to feel conflicted about some things.

When we talk on the phone, she tells me that most of her time is spent working, and outside of that, she says everything is pretty boring. She mentions they haven't been able to do much sightseeing or anything fun in NM because of their busy schedules. So, based on that, I was imagining her days being long and kind of dull.

However, she’s been posting a lot on social media, mostly about her research activity, but some of her posts paint a totally different picture. Basically every night she's been going to parties, bars and other events, and there are a ton of pictures with other guys. Most of them are group shots, but one that really threw me off was a picture of her in a swimsuit, being princess-carried by a guy, most likely another researcher since he also appears in her work posts, and the dude was clearly holding her up by grabbing her butt. I just can't shake the image from my mind.

Now, I don’t want to be the kind of guy who gets all possessive or jealous over social media pictures, and I don’t want to make her feel like I don’t trust her. Not even once before she left for the trip, or during the first days, has jealousy been a concern of mine. The only thing that got me anxious was missing her, but I was already planning to go visit her as soon as I could.

But at the same time, seeing these posts, especially the one where she’s being carried like that, has me feeling really off. I haven't said anything to her yet because I don't know if I'm overreacting or if this is a legit concern.

I respect her, I want her to have her freedom and fun, but I also feel like there’s a line that’s being crossed here. Am I wrong to feel this way? How should I even approach this without coming across as insecure or controlling?

TL;DR: My girlfriend is on a research trip in New Mexico, and while she tells me everything outside of work is boring, she's posting pics of herself partying with guys. One picture shows her in a swimsuit being carried by a guy holding her butt. I'm not sure how to handle it or if I'm overreacting.

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* This article was originally published here

My wife (30F) changed her exercise routine and it’s disrupting my (32M) sleep

Throwaway account because my wife is on here. I (32M) and married to my wife (30F) and we have two children, 3yo and 8 months. My wife is the primary provider, and she has a great job. When our youngest was born, we decided I would take time off and stay home with both kids until they started school. Her career is more stable than mine, and it would hurt us less financially for me to stay home.

She works 9-5 at a desk job, and is usually home by 5:30. She’s a great mom, very hands on and involved, and we share chores and care of the kids 50/50 when she’s not working. I also really appreciate her working so hard for our family, and it’s benefited our kids for me to be home with them.

Her exercise and mental health is really important especially because her job can be very mentally taxing. She’s an avid gym-goer and always has been. Up until a few weeks ago, she would hit the gym at 8pm after the kids were in bed which worked well for our schedule.

However, a couple weeks ago, she changed it up and now is going to the gym in the morning because it’s “too hard to be motivated at night.” Which means she’s awake and out the door by 5am. The kids and I usually sleep till about 6:30-7am. Ever since she started going to the gym in the morning, by our infant (who co-sleeps with her) has been waking up at 5:30, which then wakes the toddler and suddenly my day with the kids begins at 5:30am.

I am exhausted and losing sleep, and the kids are more cranky, and I feel like her new gym routine is disrupting our whole schedule. I don’t want to tell her she has to go back to working out at night, and I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable. Her mental and physical health is really important for her especially as the only one working. Any advice about this would be appreciated.

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* This article was originally published here

Need help losing virginity

TLDR: need some advice on how to go about losing my virginity

I'm 22f and just haven't really cared about losing it before, I don't have any issues in getting male attention and know I could lose it within the next hour if i needed to, but recently I feel like my fear of judgement in regards to still being a virgin is holding me back from pursuing any actual relationships (romantically and purely physically). I don't care about losing it in some sentimental/ meaningful experience/ with someone I care about. What the best way to go about it and what should I expect? I’ve had a few people suggest hiring a SW or asking a close male friend but I don’t think that’s really my jam at all, I would prefer for it to be with someone I don’t have to see again if it’s too awkward lol

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* This article was originally published here

I told my best friend I like her more than a friend

So I(20M) told my best friend (28F) that I like her more than a friend. So for some context she has a boyfriend that she’s been with for 2 years. We’ve known each other for about a year but best friends for like 4 months. We get along really well together, we joke around a lot and when we do she punches or slaps my arm, we hangout a lot and sometimes just the two of us in either one of our cars, we text/call all day, we could be talking about anything for hours and not get bored, we literally talk until we fall asleep on the phone together, and we go to the gym together. He’s been suspicious of us since the beginning of when we were best friends. He thinks she would cheat on him with me and he thinks I like her more than a friend. And because of his suspicions of me she has asked me if I liked her 2 times before.

So 4 days ago I kinda made her think or feel guilty about her talking to me so much. I told her that if I had a girlfriend I wouldn’t be talking to her as much as I do right now and she took it like a comment about her like if I was saying she has a boyfriend yet she talks to me so much. I asked her if her boyfriend even knows how much we talk and that we sleep on the phone together which the answer was no he doesn’t know. So she ended up telling him and he got irritated and told her she shouldn’t be talking to me at night and just as much in general. So she set some boundaries of us not talking at night which I said “that’s completely fine I understand”. So after all this she asked me if I liked her which would be for the 3rd time and the other 2 times I lied and said no but this time I told the truth and said I did like her. She was surprised because I’ve never shown it or done anything for her to think that. I asked her if she liked me and her response basically was that she feels like she can’t like me romantically because she has a boyfriend but subconsciously she probably does like me more than a friend and she thinks if she was single she would like me that way.

Since then we’ve hung out 2 nights in a row once at 1:30am in my car and this last night we hung out in her car and she asked me why I liked her. I told her cause of her personality and she’s pretty. She also asked me why I did tell her sooner and I responded with that I didn’t want to tell her I liked her because she’s in a relationship why would I. She told me it’s good I told her and that you never know what could happen, but as of right now she still feels the same way as she told me. I really think she does like me because she said maybe subconsciously she does like me and if she was single she would like me in that way. And also she is still talking to me on the phone till we go to sleep even though her boyfriend isn’t comfortable with it and even hanging out with me at night. What do you guys think of the whole situation?

TL:DR
So basically my best friend now knows she likes me and even though she said she would only like me if she was single I think her actions show otherwise. What should I do next if I actually want to pursue a relationship with her? What do you guys think of the whole situation?

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* This article was originally published here

How to navigate this?

My new boyfriend is a great guy. He was previously with someone for 12 years who he shares a child with. His family are still very close to his ex, his sister has a child the same as his so they have always grown up doing things together on the weekends.

However, since the break up they continue to do things with his ex all the time, as in most weekends !

I haven’t said anything about it yet, but it makes me feel so uncomfortable especially as they give me the cold shoulder a lot. I constantly feel like I’m living in her shadow and they won’t even give me a chance to get to know me.

I’m struggling to integrate and it gets me down. Is this dynamic normal ? I don’t expect them to stop seeing her and would never ask that.

TLDR: Struggling to integrate into new partners family because the ex is still always around

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* This article was originally published here