My girlfriend and I are together for 4 years. We moved in together 2 years ago when we found a good apartment for rent. I always knew she was a bit lazy, but I thought it would change when we had our own space and freedom. She has a lot of collective items, and her room would always be cramped with them, so I always assumed it was hard for her to actually clean around all that. I would often clean her things and reorganise her shelves and closets.
Well, when we moved in together, it was the same. She has so much space now, and cleaning the house regularly isn't a huge chore, but she doesn't do it. She knows I'm very sensitive on this topic because I grew up in a dirty household. I do most, if not all some days, of the chores and cooking. In our 2 years of living together she cooked for us only once. Every other time either I cooked or I helped her cook. I always have to remind her to clean the dishes, vacuum, clear the clutter. And when it comes to the bathroom, if it was up to her, it would not be cleaned for weeks. I like to clean the bathroom and toilet at least once a week. Vacuum every few days, and do dishes and organising the rooms daily. And laundry every few days as well. She thinks I have insanely high cleaning standards. This doesn't even encompass the deep cleaning, like cleaning bed sheets, windows, walls, dishwasher, etc (she never does those). I always either have to nag her to do it, or she would do 1 chore for the week, like do the dishes (we have a dishwasher so it's barely a chore), or remove some things from the living room, and would then expect me to be in awe. She never remembers to vacuum, or mop, or anything else that requires more work. Even on her free days. Before I go to work and she's free, I have to tell her to do at least one chore to take some weight off of me. And sometimes she doesn't even do it then. Or I come back from work and then she starts doing it.
We had so many talks about it, and I told her how horrible it makes me feel to live like that. She always comforts me about it, admits it, and promises she will try to do better, but then doesn't. And then when I point it out, she brings up 1 chore she did, or something else too. And now she's excused because she's trying. But it's been 2 years of this. How much longer do I need to be patient with her until she starts to do more?
I also feel like she never puts me first. Whenever she has a bad day, or feels sick, or anything that is an inconvenience to her. I try to make her a good meal, I often make meals that she loves. Or I get her a little gift, or I take her out. I feel like she only does that for me when I do it for her. Otherwise I don't get any form of thoughtful action. Only for birthdays or occasions like that. It makes me feel so unappreciated. So much so, I haven't cooked anything nice for her or us in weeks. I started dreading doing nice things for her because of this. And she always talks about how she wishes she was more thoughtful like me. Because it makes her feel loved, and she feels like I'm missing out. But then I comfort her about it, and she doesn't do anything. She doesn't even try.
I really love her, but recently I find myself resenting her a lot. And I feel so unhappy living with her. I am genuinely thinking of breaking up, it just hurts because we've been together for 4 years.This was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but now I am having different thoughts, and it hurts because I love her in every way, but living with her makes me so unhappy. I know this will hurt so much, but I don't know what else to do. I don't know if it's me with high standards, or her. I don't know what the cause of the issue is anymore.
Tl;dr : My gf (24) and I (f24) have been having issues in our relationship, mainly on household chores and acts of service. These issues have been going on for years, with many talks, but little actions, from her side mostly. At this point, it's built up so much in me, that I can't live like this any longer and am resenting her. This hurts me a lot, it makes me very unhappy to live with her, and I want to break up.
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