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Friday, September 16, 2022

Does he still love me? Or should I move on??

I (25F) and my lover(31 M) both married but not to each other, fell in love somehow almost four years back. I already had a daughter with my husband and his marriage was upcoming while we fell for each other. It was a distressing situation cuz we loved each other but could not do anything about it. He proposed to me but I gave in soon cuz I have been feeling the same towards him during our chats. He is my husbands relative which makes it all the more complex since we will see each other probably for the rest of our lives. To make it worse , his wife found my texts soon after their marriage and we made her believe that it was a one side love. He pulled back and we stopped everything. We had nothing but few weeks of chatting and calling. I tried to move on and few years passed and I had another child. I almost moved on but never stopped loving him. But I was ok with it. The complication starts here. After a year or so since I had my baby, he came back to me saying he still loves me and can’t stop thinking about me. We started talking to each other during scraps of his time and once again I was completely into him and he too fell deeper in love with me. We both knew that there is no future to this but we wanted to make some memories for us. We met once and got somewhat intimate but I couldn’t enjoy it fully due to the given circumstances. He again started having problems with his wife since she saw some more of my texts. Still she was made to believe it was a one sided thing. The problem is he loves her and me and cannot think about losing her. I am so in love with him that I can’t bear to think of staying away from him. After all, we have only one life. He again pulled away from me and I am shattered. He says he loves me but can’t lose her. I can understand but I am devastated. I lost interest in everything. I can’t write the whole story here. This is only a vague summary.

TL;DR - I am in a difficult love situation where I cannot stay nor leave since we both are married individuals.What do I do? How do I move on? I will see him again during family meets and all , so how do I move on?

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* This article was originally published here

Thursday, September 15, 2022

My ex feels a way when I end the call

So my ex (M23) of a year broke up with me (F22) about a month ago. I took a week off to not contact him as the breakup came out of nowhere and I felt blindsided. 2 weeks ago we came back in contact and we are in somewhat of contact for like once a week. I don’t reach out to him, but he reaches out to me to check on me and what not (my grandma recently died so he calls to see how I’m doing).

I’ve realized that after we talk for a while and I don’t have anything else to say, I’ll tell him that I’m leaving the call now and that I hope he has a good day/evening. He’ll then say something along the lines of “oh you’re leaving the call?” Or he’ll say “Oh you’re going to go talk to your new man?” (I have not mentioned seeing anyone else to him but I am seeing other people). I don’t get it. I don’t feel the need to continue a long conversation as there is nothing else to talk about… why does he act so surprised when I tell him that I’m leaving the conversation? I know some may say I should stop contact with him but honestly I don’t have feelings anymore to where talking to him would make me feel some type of way. I’ve been distracting myself with work and other hobbies of life. Maybe I’m just overthinking. I appreciate the advice in advance

TLDR: My ex feels a way when I end the call when he broke up with me

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* This article was originally published here

Wednesday, September 14, 2022

Former student (37F)/Professor (35M) relationship professional suicide?

TL;DR I'm (35M) in love with a former student (37F). Would pursuing this relationship be career ending?

Throwaway for obvious reasons. I'm a relatively young lecturer with stable employment at a decent university. I enjoy my work and have good working relationships with other staff in my department as well as friendships with a few of them that have ended outside of work. Cutting to the chase, I have a former student who I have gotten close to through mutual friends outside of university. She graduated last year and has not been my student for about 18 months. She's a non-traditional student and is a couple of years older than me. We are both divorced with children from previous relationships. I have unexpectedly fallen for her and she has stated that she has feelings for me. She has moved to another, more prestigious university in a different field. Is there any way I could pursue this further without it being frowned upon and potentially ruining my and her reputation? She was a particularly brilliant student and well liked and remembered by my colleagues, so if this relationship were to work out it is not something I'd want to or be able to hide.

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* This article was originally published here

Tuesday, September 13, 2022

Double-date play dates are too much

TLDR: neighbors want to hang out with us all the time, we aren’t clicking with them friendship wise. We only have our kids in common. Neighbor husband is inappropriate and it overall just seems like not a good fit. ETA they are several houses down, not next door neighbors.

My husband (40-ish M) and I (30-ish F) have newer neighbors who come from a strict Christian background. Our toddlers happen to be the same age and play together well. They are nice people, but we are finding they’re a package deal. When a play date is suggested by either of us, they rush at the idea that we all hang out (spouses and kids). They always suggest we find sitters so we can go out for double dates without the kids too. We personally enjoy making time for double dates when it’s with really good friends of ours.

I am interested in making time for one-on-one mom/tot playdates. My husband has his friends that he is happy with and likes having good neighbors, but doesn’t want to be signed up to hang out with them all the time. And I respect it / agree with him.

To be blunt, at our ages my husband and I are busy with work, hobbies, our families and of course our toddler. We’re fortunate to have friends near and far that we make time for. We’re very social people, yet we are selective about who we spend our time with. That is how we live our life now and we’re happiest that way.

Our neighbors have been sounding kinda desperate to hang out, they will walk by our house all the time to see if we’re home and kind of just take up our space and time when they see us outside. Again, fine with that in small doses. We like hanging out with our own kid but without another family always coming over.

Fast forward to this week. The neighbor wife keeps texting me ideas of ways we can all to get together soon, all the time. They invited us over for a kid-free movie night at their house which is not our bag so I politely said no thanks we’re busy. They seem to want to have a play date every week and it’s just not something we can or want to make time for. I mentioned earlier that they are religious and it’s because my husband and I are very much not. We are open to having friends of all kinds, but we just don’t seem to click with them like we would the people we prefer to spend time with.

The neighbor husband makes a lot of inappropriate sexual jokes around us (and for being strictly religious I kind of see this as a red flag from my own experience/past religious upbringing). Our kids are usually within earshot of these jokes and are of age were they repeat everything they hear. His parenting style is also stressful because he’s constantly interrupting our conversations to verbally reprimand his kid for doing the same things my kid is doing at the moment (climbing safe things, screaming outside while playing, etc). I really like seeing the wife once in awhile, however they are a package deal.

From speaking to my husband, it feels like we both are doing them favor by hanging out with them rather than enjoying our visits like we do with our real friends. How do we let them down gently? I already told her we were very busy with our schedules and can’t make time for frequent play dates. They are persistent. I know they are newer to this area, the clingy-ness is getting to be too much. Thoughts?

submitted by /u/Tpainmoneymoneyy
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* This article was originally published here

Monday, September 12, 2022

Did i meet my girlfriend too soon?

Me (21M) and my girlfriend (22F) have been together for almost two years now. I have never loved anyone the same way i love her. We have a really stong connection and is almost a perfect match in my opinion. However i feel like I'm not done with "single life" yet. When i talk to my friends who uses tinder and hear about them meeting new people and trying somthing new, i get a bit sad that i might never get to experience that, in that capacity. Even my girlfriend whent on a short tinder streak before she meet me (she meet four different guys). I have tried tinder however not to that extent. I have meet up with one person from tinder. It is not that i havent had any previous partners, i have. I have just always know them before hand or something like that. I kinda just wanna see what it is like to have a couple of flings, and a couple of "quick meet ups", and experience that side of life. I had also planned to do this in my gap year which started just as i meet my now girlfriend so that never happend. I honestly dont know what to do. I am kinda jealous of my girlfriend, because she has tried exactly what i wanted. I really think what we have might be once in a lifetime kinda thing. But maybe we just meet too soon?

I don't know. I think i just needed to vent a little. If anyone has any advice or opinions about what to do, that would be appreciated.

*English is not my first language so sorry if it is a bit messy and hard to read.

Tl;Dr I think my girlfriend is the ONE, but i dont think i am done with "single life"

submitted by /u/Hopeful-Structure-10
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* This article was originally published here

Sunday, September 11, 2022

My friend ghosts me a lot, and I'm hurt, what do I do?

Friend: gender male, age 21 Me: gender nonbinary, age 21 Relationship length : 2 years

Context: I have severe anxiety and rejection sensitivity disorder due to being neglected and abused as a child Me and friend are 21 and we study the same course, we are on 3rd year and know each other 2 years

The first thing: my friend has this thing where he doesn't respond for a week sometimes or when I write to him he responds few days later. And it was OK for a while, he told me that this is normal for him. But I started to feel pushed back when I saw that he reads group chats, it made me wonder - his reason for not responding is that he needs like a timeout, but then why read group chats? I wouldn't overthink it so much but sometimes I need to talk because I'm feeling very bad and I just miss my friend because we haven't seen each other for a while. He usually doesn't respond or says he was busy which ok understandable, but there was so many of being busy that I'm starting to think it's not just that. Now don't get me wrong I don't call everyday or even every week. Yeah I text a lot, I'm very lonely because I live in toxic household and need some genuine human connection, so I like to send memes, photos of my animals, ask what's up and vent a bit about how I feel. I don't know maybe it's too much???

I was going on with it for 2 years, but everytime he didn't respond in few days i started over thinking a lot and I just felt like my brain is on fire from all this constant fear of being left out. I usually kept it in, almost never told him how bad it is because I know its my problem and guilt tripping won't do any good. Yeah sometimes in joking manor I said I was worried that something happened but never in accusatory tone.

But last few weeks I broke. I can't take this anymore. I have other friends, not such close ones but I talk to them about my feelings too because I don't want to overburden people because I know I can be too much. A lot friends including me have some exams to retake, my friend also had one which he has to pass to go on next year. I have one too but if I fail I can go further but its gonna be very hard with extra subject aka a but of stress is on everyone. This resulted in none of my friends talking to me for week or 2. Wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that I live in the country with toxic family.

That silence broke me, I had to come back to xanax because it was all to much and even though friend wrote the exam and saud it went well he only wrote to me once (it's been a week) and it's not like I want to write everyday, but like... I needed to talk, I needed help but he didn't answer my call (not the first time, a few times it happened actually). I wrote that I'm sorry I had super panic attack and I took xanax to help. Silence. So I just said to myself f_ck it. I don't want to be immature but I'm going to do that to all of my friends. I will not answer to any of them for 2 weeks and just ignore all of them.

I'm also doing it because I'm starting to rethink should I even have those friends since they cause so much pain in me. But then I would be alone and still had to see them everyday in class. I feel like I'm more invested in keeping up friendship then any of them and it hurts so much. I just want my friend back but I can't keep functioning like that. Him ghosting me from time to time because he doesn't feel like talking to responding or showing that he cares. I don't know anymore if he does. He said multiple times that he just won't ghost me and leave suddenly but I don't think he likes me as much as I like him.

It hurts so much, being alone, without anybody to talk to or help, feeling like a constant burden to everybody for texting /calling and them scarcely responding. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to have friends and not feel sh**ty all the time. Please help me i can't anymore live like this.

TL;DR! I have anxiety, my friend is very bad at responding to me especially when I need help with my mental health and I need to change that because idk how long we can be friends like that

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* This article was originally published here