Getting over best friend crush

For the past two years I’ve (25M) been hanging out / started a deep friendship with a guy (27M). We have a lot in common, we have a great time and have good chemistry.

Very soon in our friendship we started hanging out a lot, we slept over and cuddled and overall I always felt that there was something else that I was feeling and I had the gut instinct that it was reciprocated.

Last year I came clean to him and told him I had romantic feelings towards him, he said he wasn’t ready for that conversation so I understood and shelved that for a while and stayed his friend.

A few months ago, after having a very deep conversation I confessed to him again that my feelings had not dissipated and I still liked him romantically. This time we did talk and he told me that he felt the same, that me being with him makes him a better person, that he also thinks we have a lot in common and that he wants to keep me forever in his life.

I ask him if he would be interested in going out on a date to try and see how we feel (we hang out alone but not in a date setting) and he agrees. When the date comes he acts distant, doesn’t want to answer any questions about our romantic feelings and overall feels cold. He ends up telling me that he doesn’t wanna hurt me because all his last relationships have ended because of his issues and basically told me that the minute I left his house the day we talked he realized he is not ready for a relationship.

I felt hurt but I understood. You can’t force anyone to love you. We hung out less because we got busy but still talked everyday. My romantic feelings are still there but I know I can’t act on them.

A few days ago we had another conversation about issues with his family and the future. He also told me that he started going out with / dating someone (I suspected it since he was acting weird) and that he was happy and liked the guy and wanted to let me know because he knew how I felt.

I said i’m okay because I can’t change his mind or make him like me and I appreciate him telling me, which is true. But it’s also true that I feel used or lied to. Why didn’t he tell me before that it was not that he wasn’t ready for a relationship but just that he didn’t want one with me?

I feel that I need to distance myself because seeing him post things with that guy makes me feel weird (so I don’t know if I would feel comfortable hanging out in a group setting with him). Don’t mistake me, I am happy for him because he deserves joy. But I also deserve peace.

Is it unfair that I want to distance myself from him? I still love him as a friend and I know that I don’t want a romantic relationship with him because this whole thing has hurt me deeply.

I just want to heal without finishing a friendship that makes me feel good (in the friend part, that is) Any advice?

TL;DR : Best friend / crush / guy I like romantically has told me he liked me but isn’t ready for a relationship. He started dating someone and I feel hurt. How can I distance without ending our friendship?

submitted by /u/EtherealFish
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* This article was originally published here

I [25M] messed up with a good girl [22F]

OK, so I [25] met this girl [22] three months ago and the spark was there instantly. I invited her for a date afterwards and it was a great summer, we clicked and could talk about anything. I could see that she’s head over heels into me. First, I was very attentive but after some time I started to have these moments on our dates when I just fell silent (I was still processing my family loss, I guess, I am better now) and she noticed this. At the end of August, she started studying (she’s a nurse and worked at hospital where my grandpa died in August, she knew him) so school and work both got into way. She had less time and we didn’t see each other for almost two weeks. This is where I fucked up royally. I got drunk one night (couldn’t bear memories of grandpa) and kinda blamed her for not wanting to see me over text (she was on the night shift…) and that she has time for her friends (some of them male which I ofc didn’t forget to mention..) and not me. I must mention that after grandpa’s death I was under and I saw everything negatively and was paranoid, but that’s no excuse for this shit I pulled ofc.

She said that I should have say something earlier about me wanting to see her and that she’s seriously disappointed, didn’t expect this shit from me. She also mentioned that she noticed me being distrait and “not there” sometimes on our dates and that she doesn’t even know if I want her. Next morning I explained and apologized profusely. Man, I know it was short term relationship but I can’t stop blaming myself, because I am not like this, I get that she had important things to do, I would never do that again, especially now when I kinda processed my family loss and doing better. We sporadically made contact since then, sometimes it was her, sometimes me, she said she needed time to process this and that she was disappointed by what happened. Our last conversation a week ago was me asking her if she wants to talk in person. She replied yes, I asked when, she texted wait a minute and didn’t get back to me at all. I texted next day if she’s ok and she just texted “Yes 😂”.

Sorry, this post is a mess, I just poured all my thoughts here. I know I fucked up badly and created this image of me being needy and childish but I was just down mentally. Is there a chance to fix this? Why did she agree to meet, then kinda ghosted me when I specifically said in that text that I will respect if she doesn’t want to see me again.

I know, I know, there are millions of women in the world. But I want to know if there’s a chance here, maybe if I kinda disappear? And sorry, English is not my first language.

tl;dr: I acted needy and childish with a girl because I had issues and now I miss her so much. Is there a chance to fix this? I feel guilty every day.

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* This article was originally published here

Clingy girlfriend gave me and my roommates COVID. Toxic behavior or am I overthinking?

My girlfriend (24F) and I (26M) have been seeing each other for a little over a year. She’s really nice to me but she’s not very independent, and sometimes she makes me feel like she wouldn’t be able to survive without me.

She recently caught COVID (we don’t live together) and I suggested that maybe she could self isolate, and I could support her over the phone instead of having her coming over like she usually does.

I don’t mind taking the risk myself and getting COVID (although I prefer not to), but the main thing I’m worried about is that I live with multiple roommates right now and my younger brother is staying with us, and I don’t think they’d be comfortable with her breaking quarantine just because she wants to see me.

Anyways, I talked to her about my concerns and she was really upset that I didn’t think she should visit. She said I wasn’t being supportive and I was being a bad boyfriend for not taking care of her while she’s sick.

I would come to her place but it’s physically too small for the both of us, and she’s technically not allowed to have guests.

So eventually I gave in and she ended up coming over and getting everyone sick, and they weren’t super happy about that.

I don’t know what else I could’ve done in this situation. Does anyone have any advice?

I can’t tell if her clinginess is toxic or if I’m just overthinking things.

Would appreciate any suggestions!

TLDR: My girlfriend got really upset at me for wanting her to self-isolate when she had COVID. I just wanted her to self-isolate because I didn’t want her to get my roommates sick, but she ended up coming over anyways. We all ended up getting sick as a result. How should I have handled this?

submitted by /u/Angels_Ten
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* This article was originally published here

I(40M) accidentally called my wife (36F) fat..

My wife(36f) and me (40M) were having a conversation about our past, which was bumpy.

I said something along the lines of - “She was skinny, that’s why” - which I’m not saying is right by any means. I am in the wrong 100%, but what I said is said and can’t be taken back now.

I made the mistake of calling my wife “thick”, which equates to being fat. I did not intend to hurt her feelings, I honestly wasn’t thinking when I said it.

Now the question is - “why wasn’t I skinny enough?” - and she is not talking to me until I have a reply to that. How do I answer without fucking everything up?

TL;DR - When talking of the past, I called my wife fat, how do I answer “why wasn’t I skinny enough?”

submitted by /u/PudgTV1
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* This article was originally published here

How To Become More Desirable (22M)

I have always struggled with fitting in. Never had a girlfriend, a few friends that I cherish, etc., but I have never been sought after romantically or friendship-wise (though I care a lot more about the romantic side.) I was bullied through all of middle school and part of high school, and was completely isolated during that time due to it. I now have extremely low confidence, I don’t like my body because my family allowed to get fat at a young age (to which I then put my mind to it and lost it, but there are still some stretch-marks and I now have a skinny-fat build), and my overall mental health is not the best by any means. I want to become a high-value person, having lots of connections for friends and romantic interests, but I don’t know where to begin my self-improvement. I’m really struggling and it’s slowly eating away at me.

TL;DR: I want ti become a high-value man after struggling with body dysmorphia, poor mental health, and lack of people “wanting” me, but don’t know where or how to begin.

submitted by /u/Icy_Waltz_1706
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* This article was originally published here

My (23 MtF) LDR bf (18M) hasnt messaged me in 3 weeks. Has a history of weeks long depressive ruts and shutting off

I haven't heard of him in 3 weeks now (since Sep.9th) and he's been on and off with him having depressive ruts. Having his best friend go to uni and losing him as a co-worker (they worked in the same place together), he has said before he feels like a failure (though he's been training for Special Forces for AF Special Recon with his coaches when he ships out in the future) but recently he's been slowly recovering from it, with him going to the gym recently from when he last messaged. He often tells me he doesn't deserve me, is not a good partner romantically, saying he's wishy washy in being emotionally available but I repeatedly would reassure him that we'd go through it together. He says he tends to shut off when he goes through ruts of depression, last time being only several days and it really makes me anxious if he ghosted me (even he assures me I never annoy him or would never ghost me), apologizing when he does have depression and shut off when he msg's me and even called himself a jerk.

We've been going on for a month right now talking everyday until depression would get the best of him.

He would express his gratitude in telling me I'm the best when it comes to supporting him, since he is usually the type of guy to not dump his emotions as much, but is more like a listener. Should I just give him space since I'd messaged him but he hasn't responded back since Sep.9th? It's making me fill with anxiety and I'm losing sleep just overthinking about it all day I've been hurt by a lot of guys before and it depresses me to go back to square one if he has ghosted me.

I also would check funeral homes in his local area to check if something bad happened to him and if he died... and I hate this anxiety that I have.

TLDR:

Bf not messaging in 3 weeks, has a history of depressive ruts for weeks and has a tendency to shut off, should I think he given up on us?

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* This article was originally published here

Am I (30f) doing the right thing for my bf (28m)?

My bf is studying for his physical therapist certification exam. He is super anxious about it and has even told me that he needs me to push him a little to study because it's affecting him so much he gets scared to study. We haven't set a date for the test yet because I believe he needs to go into it with better confidence.

However, whenever I bring up studying it becomes clear that I have ruined his whole mood. He stops smiling and becomes distant. I don't take it personally because I know he's just so anxious about it but has told me on multiple occasions that he needs me to be on top of him about this. I don't nag and I don't bring it up everyday or when we're having fun or out with friends, etc.

The thing is that he keeps putting a lot of energy into other projects, which I've supported because it's good for him to express himself. But today I brought up the question, as kindly as I could, if maybe he is using all of these projects as a way to avoid studying. He didn't respond and changed the subject before heading out, not angrily or anything, but clearly down.

I'm not sure what the best approach is here. I've asked if maybe he should talk to a therapist but money is really tight right now. I've asked if he wants me to back off with the studying but he always says no because he knows that he needs to do it. I'm seriously at a loss here about what to do. He has already taken a break from it all for a few months, which I supported because I knew that medical school had been so draining.

I just have no idea how I can help him. Any advice would be appreciated.

Tl;dr: bf asks me to remind him to study but gets upset and distant whenever I do and I don't know how else to help him.

submitted by /u/HotEmu4997
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* This article was originally published here