i really need a parent perspective on this. my friends are obviously my age, and are biased to my opinions of whats right and wrong. please try to take what i say as non biased and i want to make this story fair.
cut a long story short to how i got in this situation, both parents (60F/50M) aren’t/werent good parents to me (18F). mum was a mum who put me on diet from age 7, chose what i wear/how i cut my hair/how i dye my hair until age 15, she was a shouty mum and all over just stressful. she kicked me out when i was nearing the end of age 15 saying she’d had enough (also did this to my other two siblings.)
i went to stay at my dads. my dad and i saw each other once a week before this, but we weren’t close. he doesn’t speak to me i don’t speak to him type thing. I spoke to my step mum a lot but then i saw she’d sent a text message to her friend saying how annoying i was- relationship soured lol.
my step mum isn’t from my country and so when covid laws lifted, she went back to her country for 2 weeks at a time, coming back for one week. i’m nearing the end of 16 at this point. In those 2 weeks she was away, my dad told me it was my job to keep the house tidy, as he worked. i said i go to college everyday, get up earlier than him, get home later than him. i don’t want to be cleaning the whole house. he didn’t really listen to me. keep in mind btw, my dad did nothing with me. for my 17th birthday we went to my step mum & his favourite restaurant- a steak house. i’m vegetarian. i’m trying to get across he really just didn’t think about me & i just accepted i didn’t have a relationship with him more than roommates
each morning i’d be given a list of things to do (hoover, mop, clean his bedroom, change his bedding, clean the kitchen, put a wash on) and stuff. i found this stressful bc if i didn’t finish it all in 2 hours he’d just start shouting at me. i don’t take well to being shouted at & close off. days out with my friends ended up being us cleaning the house together- because if it wasn’t clean when he came home he’d shout.
i tried to bring this stress up to my grandparents & my step mum- that he did nothing in the house, left it all to me, including cooking my own food. he gave me no spending money at all, and if took any (with his permission) he’d count it before hand. we didn’t have a father daughter relationship before this, and i didn’t take to him parenting me. he was a stranger, i felt like a live in maid (dramatic, i know.)
this went on for about a year, until i literally couldn’t take the stress of missing my mum, college work & keeping the house as my own- i dropped out of college bc i was falling so far behind. i decided to get a job in this time because i didn’t want to be doing nothing for 4/5 months straight. here i worked about 30 hours a week.
the following year came along & i needed £400 to enrol into the college. i am not close with my dad as i said, so i asked my step mum to ask him about it- about july. she never got back to me.
context again; in May i started to speak to my mother again. we had not spoken at all in 2 years. my dad disliked the fact i was speaking to her again. until august, i wouldn’t go to her house. but then we ended up having a big heart to heart in the car where we got it all out & i ended up sleeping at her house.
i slept at her house for a few nights in a row, maybe a week. i’d text where i was but then i decided they knew were i was, and there wasn’t much point in texting every night. i see now this annoyed them- at the time it was innocent. then in sept, college started back up. my dad decided at this point, he would not pay for my bus pass as for the last 2 weeks, i’d been sleeping at my mums house- so i now lived at hers.
i didn’t feel right asking my mum, a few months into meeting her again for £400. my dad said he’d only pay for half of it as he was split custody now. (he wasn’t, legally, btw.)
my step mum said she’d never stick for that, and that she would give the money back if she were me. so i did. and ended up paying for the bus pass from money i’d saved up from work.
i feel i can’t really forgive my dad for this. i called him nasty names - worst being “part time dad” lol.
i stopped speaking to him when we had a huge argument over this & i basically screamed the house down saying how bad of a dad he was. i left him a letter with my feelings, which he replied back saying it was a “total joke”.
i don’t know. maybe i am biased to think her a bad dad bc my mum told me that growing up. maybe i’m just crazy & he’s acting normal. can someone please just fuckinf tell me
tdlr; dad stops supporting me bc i’m speaking to my mum again. my parents both treated me bad. i don’t know if i’m being dramatic or not
