I (F24) am receiving very mixed signals from (M30)

Hey guys, so this is my first time ever asking for a relationship advice but I feel like I really don't know what should I do.

TL;DR: Casual Tinder date has turned into mixed signals party and I'm considering ending it up but I need an advice before I decide.

So I (F24) am in a non-exclusive relationship with a guy (M30) I've met on Tinder a few months ago. It's my first non-exclusive relationship as I've just figured recently that this is better for me now than setting strict rules as I have quite a tendency to ignore red flags. For a little bit of a background, I'm working with a therapist for 3 years now and also have meds to support so just to say that I have my issues and I really do try my best to recognise them. I have also ended a 3yrs partnership almost a year ago that was exhausting because I felt like I don't have any space for myself in it, because my partner was literally all the time next to me.

So that's all a bit new and now I feel that I really need some advice from you people.

To the point then. We've met on Tinder, then we've seen each other in the café, it has just sparked and my side of a responsible adult has lost the fight. It was great, he had texted me that the memories from the night helped him get through the days at work and that he cannot wait to see me again. So far I have articulated that I don't know what I am looking for on Tinder which is true, because now I'm mostly looking after myself. He was alright with that and hasn't said anything clear from his side.

We've met a few times, I was just up to have some fun. He's been texting me everyday. After I started to feel that there's a chance I will engage emotionally, I told him that. Stated that it was to meet him etc. but I started to like him and I figured I want more from a relationship than just some fun in bed especially if it's supposed to last longer than few meetups. Also I said that I'm ok with casual hookups for a while but now this has to be over because I cannot afford to be hurt and I feel like it might go that way if we keep seeing each other.

We went into a light argument where he said he doesn't want exclusive but hasn't been seeing our relationship just as a temporary fun and he wants to get to know me better too. I admitted I assumed this is not what I expected of him but he was definitely giving me the hints before that he's not gonna be emotionally into it. Ended up that we've talked a bit and he has assured me that we can also do other stuff together too and just be friends either. I told him that it's cool but I don't want to wake up someday realising he doesn't even want me around because the s*x is done.

This conversation has taken place a few weeks ago, and now let's jump back to the present. We've kept seeing each other and I constantly feel that something is off. I love to spend my time with himself but I keep dating outside of that now as he was the one to say he doesn't want exclusive and I want to keep my mind busy.

We don't meet too often and last time we had almost 2 weeks of break, but have been planning the weekend together at his house. We've been speaking specifically about hanging out Friday and Saturday. I was supposed to come Friday night and stay Saturday. And well, it was all good until Saturday morning when he has started telling me that we can no longer do the w33d vapes "because he will be doing his name stuff soon and he's gotta be focused. I said "oh ok, then I will just wait until I'm fit enough to drive and go".

Then he has ordered some food and we've been chilling on the couch, he has reminded me several times he's got this stuff to do, hasn't told me what was that but he said he's gotta be focused. I'm like ok this is getting weird and I said that I really will be going soon, not asking for explanations. Then he has cuddled up with me and fallen asleep for two hours leaving me thinking what tf is going on.

After he has woken up he has all of sudden gotten up, all serious, saying he's going to do his stuff now. I was confused as I've napped for a short bit too.

I've gotten up, went to the bathroom to wash my face and he wasn't around anymore. I've packed my stuff, called a friend and went straight to meet them, not even telling the guy that I'm leaving because I felt like I'm bothering him enough already anyway?

Then he has texted me that it was fun to see me and I said that was nice to see him too but it'd be better if I wasn't feeling like he wants me gone asap. He said that I didn't even say "goodbye" but hasn't tried pushing that anymore when I reminded him that he's just basically told me to leave and then dissappeared so what was he expecting? Then we went into an argument where he said that he's just going to see his friends now and he didn't mean to make me feel that way. I told him then well that's a shame that I thought we're gonna be hanging out Friday and Saturday because that's what we were speaking about all week before and he said he didn't mean it that way and that he really likes to spend his time with me and that we just must've misunderstood each other.

Now, I know my view is crooked by very manipulative environment from my past and that I often do misread people's intentions. I have just felt disappointed and like I was right not to trust into his feelings since the very beginning as I also often underline that I appreciate honesty and being open towards me. He has been all mysterious about this "his stuff" until after our meeting when I told him I'm feeling that way. I've also told him that I wouldn't be doing vapes this day at all if he's told me before. Also I feel like repeating it several times wasn't necessary? He knew I was still a bit boozed because that was what our Saturday was supposed to be like. He said he'd be happy to hang out longer if he knew (?). For sake of reliability of my own memory I've checked the messages and Saturday has been clearly stated several times.

And now I'm conflicted. I'm not a person who will be on someone's head unless I'm genuinely sure they want me around. I have my own anxiety so it wouldn't have even let me stay outside of my home for longer time than 24h. During an argument I said that I don't need to feel that way and that I don't think this is gonna work anymore. He seems not to notice because he's already wanting to plan our next meeting.

Now I'm keeping my messages short, maybe one or two sentences daily. He seems to try to make a conversation and it hasn't been that clear before.

I feel like I shouldn't be engaging any further. I don't know if I'm overreacting or if it's a reasonable point and that destabilizes me. But there's this one thing that I'm sure of, which is I don't usually feel that way around people I want to make any type of a bond with. The guy gives me bunches of mixed signals, but other than that he's the only person that makes my heart go a bit faster now.

Oh damn, I definitely need an advice because at this point I really want him, but it's not too late to back off. This would hurt but maybe that'd be the best thing to do? Or maybe there's something I'm not seeing?

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* This article was originally published here

Need Advice on Issues with Bio-Dad over College Fund

Hi, I(17F) am in my last year of school and I'm starting college this year after giving my final exams. I have chosen to do a degree in engineering. In my country, getting accepted into an engineering course is difficult due to limited seats and a high amount of people opting for engineering. There is a tough entrance exam to qualify to get into engineering colleges for which students start studying for from 11th grade but I have decided to take up engineering recently hence I might not get a high rank and might not get into a good college. I have signed up for a crash course and I am aiming to do my best on the entrance exam regardless. Due to this situation, I will not be able to personally opt what college I get into nor can I be certain whether I will even get accepted into the course. I am also looking at private universities but they have a much higher fee and it goes even higher if I do not get a good rank.

My mom(44F) and dad(40+M) are divorced and both remarried. My mom got primary custody and my dad has visitation rights. My mom has a job in the pharmaceutical field and has stable pay and my dad owns his own business and therefore is richer than us. My dad and I are not very close and we have met only twice in the last ten years. I am not sure why we aren't close since there are a lot of factors in this relationship. I still have not met my half-brother who was born to my dad and his wife nine years ago.

My mom called my dad and asked if he was willing to assist with the fees for college if it is too high for her to pay. He had earlier given money when I started first grade but that money might not be enough. My mom is also thinking of quitting her job since she has had severe health issues since the past two years and her work environment is very toxic. My dad told my mom that she should have properly invested the money at the start so it would have doubled by now and asked her to give the money back so that he can invest it properly. My mom responded that she had been in depression after divorce and had no guidance as to where to invest the money and told my dad that he did not love me and cut the call. She told me that he humiliated her.

My dad messaged me today asking if we could meet up to discuss my future plans and my mom told me to ignore him. She did ask me whether I wanted to meet him but since I don't have a proper relationship with him and I'm very indifferent towards him, I'm fine with both meeting him and not meeting him. I also don't want to hurt my mom by saying I want to meet him. I personally don't care if I have a relationship with my dad but I do not want to hurt my mom in anyway.

More Info: Unlike in other countries, here, parents personally pay for the bachelor's degree and even Master's degree most of the times. We even stay with our parents even if we have enough money to move out and if my mom takes out any loans for my college, it will be paid back by my mother and not me. Part-time jobs while you study is not really a thing here though I'm thinking of taking up one so that I can pay for at least a small part of my living expenses.

My stepdad has also asked if he could pay for me but both my mom and I agree it is unfair to ask that of him since he has only known us for three years.

So reddit, can you give me advice on how to go forward with this and tell me if I have done anything wrong? I would really appreciate some solid advice and I'm willing to provide further details since I might have been vague in this post.

TL;DR: My mom called my dad and asked if he was willing to financially assist me through college. Dad humiliated her and has messaged me asking to meet with him. Need advice on how to proceed.

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* This article was originally published here

bf (22M) mad i (20F) got diagnosed & he didn’t

so my bf and i have dated for 2 years. i’ve been clinically diagnosed w depression at 13. i had a really abusive childhood. i’m not asking for sympathy from him nor anyone. not once have i been “too much” on my bf or made him to be my therapist.

my dr diagnosed me w adhd recently. my bf has been saying he has adhd to me for the entire relationship but never consulted it with anyone and doesn’t want to. when he found out i got diagnosed w it, he got mad saying it isn’t fair. he says i don’t have it & i’m lying to my dr. my dr also wants to look at bipolar medication for me & he said i don’t have it bad and compared me to a tv character who ran away whilst manic & claimed i’m not like that.

he also compared his childhood to mine & said i had a normal one. i’m not sure if my recent diagnosis have triggered him, i’ve never invalidated his feelings but he compared being shouted at for misbehaving and not getting toys to me being abused.

tl;dr i got diagnosed w adhd & my bf is mad he didn’t even tho he never seeked help. i’ve tried supporting him but now he’s claiming it lying about my mental health

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* This article was originally published here

My(15F) boyfriend's (16M) dad and swim coach made/allowed him to ride in the boot of a car

Ok so a bit of backstory, my boyfriend of two years does competitive swimming, like nationals level. His dad makes him do it, but he refuses to quit or anything. In the past, his dad has done stuff like make him go swimming even if he's sick, and basically hold swimming at a higher importance than anything else. Often my boyfriend isn't allowed to go out with the friend group, because he has swimming on, or he has some important race and his dad is worried he'll get injured or something.

This week he's been across the country for open water nationals, and he's been staying with his dad and his coach and other members of his club. In the past, there's been issues with the coach, like calling people lazy if they don't do extra training (he already trains twice a day 6 days a week) and overall being negative towards the swimmers.

There's been like a three hour time difference, so communication has been difficult, but this morning as we were talking, he sent me a picture of him in the cars boot and said that he was riding to the beach in the car boot because there were too many people to fit in the one car. I'm sorry what?!?

Ok, one, that's illegal, and two, that dangerous. I just can't believe his dad would let him do something like that. Like that's crazy dangerous and it's wrong on so many levels!!

I'm really confused on what in the world to do because I really don't wanna lose my bf, but I don't know if I can just let this go with a good conscience. I don't want him to be put in danger, let alone by adults who are supposed to be looking after him. I could really use some advice, so any help is appreciated. ☺️

TL;DR My(15f) bf's(16M) dad holds my bf to very high expectations around swimming, this week he had nationals and was made to sit in the car boot on the way to the beach beacuse there were too many people to fit in the car.

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* This article was originally published here

My (53m) daughter (18f) thinks that I give more attention to the children I have with my current wife (35f) and that's damaging our relationship

A few days ago my (53m) eldest daughter (18f) lost her phone, probably for the third time in a span of two years. I don't know what she does with the phones, if someone steals them or what, I only know that she loses them and wants me to buy her a new one every time. And every time she lost them I would pay what the insurance asked me in addition to the annual payment, and she would get a new phone. And the truth is that I can afford it but now I want her to learn a lesson and learn to take care of her belongings because she is an adult and she has to learn to be responsible, so this time I refused to buy her a new one.

I told her if she wants she can take my wife's (35f) old phone until she gets a job and pays herself a new one, and she got mad and told me that she wants me to give the old phone to her sister (12F) so that she can take hers, which is a newer model. And I said no because I don't think it's fair, my twelve year old daughter waited for that phone for months until my wife and I decided it was time to buy her one because she is old enough to have her first phone. Well, now my eldest daughter is furious and told my ex, her mother, that I no longer treat her like I used to, that I treat the children (12f, 10f, 8f, 4m, 2m, 1f) I have with my current wife better, and that is not true, I love them all equally and for that very reason I want her to learn a lesson because I'm not going to always be there for her and she has to learn to be responsible. But my ex doesn't understand that, she believed her lies and now she accuses me of being a bad father and said that if I don't buy her a new phone my daughter will never forgive me, that all her friends have modern phones and that she would be embarrassed to have such an old one. But I won't do that, for years I spoiled her too much because I felt guilty for breaking up with her mom when she was so young and now i want to do what i should have always done and teach her not to be so spoiled, because clearly that will only bring her problems in her adult life.

She's never been jealous of her sisters or had a bad relationship with my wife in the sixteen years we've been together, so I don't know what's wrong with her. I tried to talk to her mom, with whom I have a bad relationship, but she only told me what I said above about the phone and that was it she doesn't even want to cooperate to find out what's wrong with our daughter. And that makes me desperate, because she lives with me but still I can't figure out what is happening to her, I just know that for the slightest thing she gets angry with her siblings. Last night my one year old daughter was playing near my older daughter, and at one point she threw a toy that hit the tv and my older daughter started yelling and telling her to behave, and she made her cry and my wife told her not to yell at her and she got even angrier and said horrible things to her. And we're all shocked because she never said anything bad about my wife or our relationship, so we're really confused because we don't know where all this sudden anger came from. I just know that I want to fix this matter as soon as possible but I don't even know how.

tl;dr "My (53m) daughter (18f) thinks that I give more attention to the children I have with my current wife (35f) and that's damaging our relationship "

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* This article was originally published here

Should I (24M) lie to my crush (F21) ?

I really haven't had genuine feelings for people over a long time and have just been having meaningless relationships for the last year and a half. There is this girl that I really adore looking at and listening to. She's super fun to talk to and you can understand her intelligence even 1min into the conversation. I really don't wanna screw it up with her because we've been chatting for a while and I think I have a shot with her (maybe it's a slight chance but idk).

The other day when we were talking about movies she suggested a psychological drama and I told her I'd definitely check it out however I am not feeling okay enough to watch something like that. Should I google stuff about the movie and tell her that I watched it or should I just let it go and wait for another opportunity to have a chat with this girl?

Thanks a lot in advance and I'm sorry if this is a no-good question.

**TL;DR;** : A girl who I have a crush on suggested a movie but I don't want to watch it, should I lie?

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* This article was originally published here

My (M23) girlfriend (F20) does some things that make me uncomfortable but I don't know if I'm right to be uncomfortable about them

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 months and in the early stages, everything was perfect, as is the case in most honeymoon phases. But after about the second month, she started acting a strange. We went to a party of my mutual friend and she completely left me and went to go talk to others. I would be fine with that except she went and talked to every guy she could find, and I didn't see her talk to a single girl. She also made a point to touch every single one of them. Nothing major, just a touch on the shoulder or on the arm, but I saw that as flirting.

We had a talk about it and sorted everything out but a little while later, she got touchy with a guy in front of me again. I obviously told her I was still uncomfortable and she said she was sorry and explained it as "I don't have a lot of friends so I use the fact guys might like me to try and make them my friend". I honestly don't know what to make of that.

She's done other things, such as lie to me a lot (which we worked through and she doesn't anymore, or at least to my knowledge), I found out she was talking to her exes a lot, which I said I was uncomfortable with and she said she would stop. I would soon find out she hadn't and was still messaging them on social media. She has since blocked them though. She has recently asked a dude she half knows out for a drink and they wound up going swimming after, though she promises it was purely because she was in need for a friend.

She lives in a small town with a controlling family, works a lot of jobs, doesn't gave a lot of real friends and she barely gets time off to just have fun. I feel bad for her so of course I want to be understanding, but I'm not sure whether or not the stuff she does are red flags or not, because I see where she's coming from and I honestly think her intentions are pure. But her actions are completely against what she says.

Am I crazy, or is this relationship a bad idea?

TL;DR girlfriend acts strange around guys because she doesn't have a lot of friends and idk what to make of it

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* This article was originally published here