Hi, I(17F) am in my last year of school and I'm starting college this year after giving my final exams. I have chosen to do a degree in engineering. In my country, getting accepted into an engineering course is difficult due to limited seats and a high amount of people opting for engineering. There is a tough entrance exam to qualify to get into engineering colleges for which students start studying for from 11th grade but I have decided to take up engineering recently hence I might not get a high rank and might not get into a good college. I have signed up for a crash course and I am aiming to do my best on the entrance exam regardless. Due to this situation, I will not be able to personally opt what college I get into nor can I be certain whether I will even get accepted into the course. I am also looking at private universities but they have a much higher fee and it goes even higher if I do not get a good rank.
My mom(44F) and dad(40+M) are divorced and both remarried. My mom got primary custody and my dad has visitation rights. My mom has a job in the pharmaceutical field and has stable pay and my dad owns his own business and therefore is richer than us. My dad and I are not very close and we have met only twice in the last ten years. I am not sure why we aren't close since there are a lot of factors in this relationship. I still have not met my half-brother who was born to my dad and his wife nine years ago.
My mom called my dad and asked if he was willing to assist with the fees for college if it is too high for her to pay. He had earlier given money when I started first grade but that money might not be enough. My mom is also thinking of quitting her job since she has had severe health issues since the past two years and her work environment is very toxic. My dad told my mom that she should have properly invested the money at the start so it would have doubled by now and asked her to give the money back so that he can invest it properly. My mom responded that she had been in depression after divorce and had no guidance as to where to invest the money and told my dad that he did not love me and cut the call. She told me that he humiliated her.
My dad messaged me today asking if we could meet up to discuss my future plans and my mom told me to ignore him. She did ask me whether I wanted to meet him but since I don't have a proper relationship with him and I'm very indifferent towards him, I'm fine with both meeting him and not meeting him. I also don't want to hurt my mom by saying I want to meet him. I personally don't care if I have a relationship with my dad but I do not want to hurt my mom in anyway.
More Info: Unlike in other countries, here, parents personally pay for the bachelor's degree and even Master's degree most of the times. We even stay with our parents even if we have enough money to move out and if my mom takes out any loans for my college, it will be paid back by my mother and not me. Part-time jobs while you study is not really a thing here though I'm thinking of taking up one so that I can pay for at least a small part of my living expenses.
My stepdad has also asked if he could pay for me but both my mom and I agree it is unfair to ask that of him since he has only known us for three years.
So reddit, can you give me advice on how to go forward with this and tell me if I have done anything wrong? I would really appreciate some solid advice and I'm willing to provide further details since I might have been vague in this post.
TL;DR: My mom called my dad and asked if he was willing to financially assist me through college. Dad humiliated her and has messaged me asking to meet with him. Need advice on how to proceed.
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